Why do people feel divorce is better for the kids than a relationship thats not perfect?

Question

Every comment to marriage questions on here = divorce.

1. Not happy in relationship > divorce
2. Tired of your husband not lifting the toilet seat > divorce him
3. Wife has bad morning breathe > divorce her

Every solution people give here is divorce, not even thinking about how bad that affects the kids too. Then people wonder why the divorce rate is so high?

Good comments, though most are based on EXTREMELY bad relationships, not the ones I was speaking on. If your relation is to the extreme, let it go. But if you plan on divorcing after a few arguments, then you shouldn't get married and have kids in the first place.

Answer 1

A divorce is not necessarily the correct answer to a problem but it certainly is a fast fix in todays high speed world. TV has alot to play with what occurs in the real world, especially the soaps. People have come to identify with the soap characters with their own lifes and see how happy couples are after they divorce on TV that they automatically think the same thing will happen in theirs. Then they learn a hard lesson too late, that the reality of everyday living is no where near that of TV land. People panic more easily today than those of past in that they will rather run (divorce) than fight for whats right (family morals/values) and since they have either or both, friends or relatives that are divorced join them in the downsliding group of people hell bent on destroying the American family life. Many have told me after their divorce, that the divorce was the biggest mistake in their life and wish they would have fought to save it instead, but it was so easy a way out and thought theyd be happier afterwards but arent. With the way the world is going today, there is no easy solution to stop this down spiraling trend any time soon, but if it doesnt there will be no more family morals or values real soon and then it will definitely be too late and sad

Answer 2

I got a divorce after 17 years of marriage myself. I knew the marriage was doomed after being married for only 5 years. We had 2 kids by this time. I tried to no end to make the marriage work. But he was always yelling and screaming at me over petty stuff and most of the time it was in front of the kids, which was not right. I went to counseling and even took the kids to counseling as well. I tried to get him to go as well. "There was nothing wrong with him, it was my fault that we were having problems" is all I ever got out of him. I did try for 17 years to keep my marriage to no avail. The kids even asked me if we could move away from him as they were scared of him. So yes I gave up the fight and did end up leaving the marriage and I did take the kids with me. They were so happy to get away from it all, and the kids and I are much happier since that day.

It is NOT a good environment for the kids to be where there is fighting going on all the time. When they stay in that type of environment, they tend to think that is the way it should be and they too will end up doing the same thing with their spouse as THAT IS THE WAY THEY WERE RAISED AND DON'T KNOW ANY DIFFERENT LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry but that is the way I see it and I AM FOR THE CHILDREN!!!

Answer 3

Upside Down,

I agree with you so much. My parents divorced after many years of violently fighting in front of us, but still to this day my mother will say that the marriage was fine and that they really did get along and should have tried to make it work. She even told me that our lives were better when the family was intact. I'm so confused by her statements. I'm like, what family were you living in, for me it was a living hell. It scarred my siblings and I to the point we all have trouble forming relationships to this day.

I've come to realize the situation was comfortable for my mother (maybe she has a higher tolerance for pain and violence than I do) and sometimes people base their level of comfort with bullsh*t and put the same on their kids and that might be far from the case. People have such an ability to lie to themselves and others when they feel the lie still has benefit so when people trivialize the actual problems, it could be they are again, lying to you and to themselves, like my mother still is.

I say be an adult, really look hard at your situation, take a realistic look at how it's affecting your kids, your spouse and you and then make a decision based on that. Divorce might not always be the option but when it is take that option and don't look back.

Answer 4

I don't think that divorce is the answer to everything but I do think that children that have parents who are only together because of the kids would be better off if their parents divorced. It can really mess up a kid to watch their parents fight on a daily basis and do things to hurt the other without any regard for that person. Children learn so much from their parents and from watching their parents relationship they get an idea of what its supposed to be like. So Say you have a daughter and all her life she watched daddy smack mommy around call her bad names and run around on her. Well your daughter grows up accepting this behavior as normal and doesn't think twice when some guy does it to her. Or reverse the situation a bit if you have a son. So I personally don't believe staying together is best for the kids and no one will convince me other wise. I have friends who's parents divorced when they were young and friends who's parents stayed together because it was best for the kids and is still in counseling so I dunno it works both ways and both ways it sucks.

Answer 5

i would never divorce for those reasons. actually with the person i THOUGHT i was going to marry, there would only be one reason to divorce him. and it turned out that happened before we could get married. i actually don't even believe in divorce at all. i think marriage is a sacred thing and you should try everything you can to make it work, except if you are cheating. and i'm atheist on top of that so it has nothing to do with God or anything. i think that you should not marry unless you KNOW THEY ARE THE ONE. i realize that things happen later that are inevitable, but if one of you are cheating then you need to get divorced because there is no reason to live a lie. and you're not helping the kids any dragging them into it.

Answer 6

I seriously doubt the high divorce rate is attributed to the above mentioned trivialities. Many people are uncomfortable exposing their "dirty laundry" to the public and don't tell WHY they are unhappy. The public probably doesn't give a crap anyway.

Unhappy could mean: spouse developed a drug poblem- spouse is mean and stingy- spouse lies 24/7 - spouse became a secretive control freak after marriage- spouse shares holidays with his parents and adult children without you AND they live 20 minutes away AND you are not allowed to meet them or have their phone numbers after 2 years of marriage.

Unhappy could mean threats and intimidation, financial abuse, and layers of emotional abuse for which there is NO legal remedy other than divorce.

None of the above is "illegal" or mentioned as a "fault" for grounds in divorce. But I guarantee you- you'd be pretty UNHAPPY if it was your marriage.

PS- Children learn what they live.

Answer 7

I both disagree and agree with you. I´think divorce should be the last resort after having tried all other options, but in some cases it is the only sane choice. In my opinion most people don´t divorce so easily though. In most cases they have tried to make it work and when they do divorce it is not considered to be easy. I also think that most people realize they will not have a perfect relationship but will settle for a good one.

Answer 8

About 12 years ago all the families moved into their homes at the same time (new development). We have 250 homes here.

12 - single people...no children
21 - single women...with children
45 - married...no children
172 - married...w/children

Of the 172 who are married w/children all except 6 are still married our children are either in college or have graduated.

That's a pretty good record but nobody hears about these people...we only focus on the 6 that are no longer married.

***22 of the homes have been resold in the last 4 years.

Answer 9

a lot of times divorce is better for the kids than staying together, and sometimes its not. anyone who is going to make a decision on whether or not to get divorced based on what someone says on the internet is too immature to be married anyway

Answer 10

My parents did not believe in divorce. The fought constantly. I could never bring friends home because I was ashamed for them to hear my parents yelling at each other.

My sister and I were always put in the middle. It was, "Tell your mom this!" or "Tell you dad that!" We were shown all the family bills and told that dad or mom did not pay their share. It was a nightmare.

We kids would have been so much better off if our parents had divorced. That way we would not have had the daily screaming and name calling we heard.