I am in the middle of a divorce and our preliminary hearing is on Dec 1st until then my husband has supervised visits in my home with our 2 month old son. He has only visited 3 times since my sons birth but when he dose visit I am so scared he will try to take our son, or hurt me or my family...(my mother and father supervise the visits). My husband has a history with drug and alchol abuse, he is also weel trained in martal arts and has been physically abusive to me, and emotionaly abusive. When I know he is visiting I am overwhelmed with a sence of fear, cause i never know what kind of shape he will arrive in..(high or drunk). Does anyone know how I can handle this? I have numerouse police reports and he has been in jail....i hope the judge will continue supervised visits....any advice? My son was not planned....so please do not make me feel worse by commenting on my skills at picking men I am working on it!!
2006-11-12 02:56:58 · 8 answers · asked by liyah's mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hate to say it but I believe you have a reason to be concerned about your soon to be ex-husband's visits to your son even though they are supervised.
My suggestion would to make sure your attorney has the information. Due to his past history make your request for supervised visitation be a non negotiable point in the divorce. Make sure your attorney brings it up to the judge. Usually at some point the judge will ask you if you have anything to say. Tell him/her yes. Explain the abuse and drugs and so on to the judge. Have it written down at least the key points so you remember everthing you want to say to the judge that way you don't leave anything out.
Also for your peace of mind, I would suggest you talk to a therapist or member of clergy to help you deal with your feelings about him and his behaviors.
Someday you will find that special someone who will love you and your son. He will be the best person for you and your son.
Best of luck
2006-11-12 03:16:53 · answer #1 · answered by pj_gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it seems you are doing all you can,,,it isnt advisable for him to have contact if he is high or drunk and this message must be made clear,,your fear is completely understandable but until,,if ever he does something you should praise him for the fact yes,,you and he are no longer together but you are glad he wants to see his son,,letting him know many fathers just go and never return may help you with your control issues,,,you have support which is excellent so rely on them a little but do allow yourself to feel,,this is my home,i have my son and i am doing what i know is right for him,,your strength will come from within so when 'it' speaks,listen to it,,you could have run away and never let him see your son but you chose the brave option in trying to do the best you know how and that does take strength.talk to your ex about your worries,,try to make him understand he needs to be straight to visit your son,,you want your son to grow up loving him not worrying what state he will be in.the chances are good the judge will continue with the supervision order and you can always ask for drug and alcohol tests if you are worried especially as he has already been in trouble with the police. when he does come,be pleasant,ask if he wants a drink,,potter around the house as if this,to you is how you like it,,make him feel welcome,,it may be hard but if he can get it into his head that this way will get him further along in making relations work he may just stop being evasive.good luck.
2006-11-12 03:26:20 · answer #2 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Eartha, he sounds like real @ss your ex, i'm hoping you do not ideas me asserting. If that's the reaction you acquire after attempting to chat with him in a genuine looking, grownup way... then i don't see why you're able to stress your son to circulate to him. i'm confident your ex cares approximately those toddlers, i can not think of any father being that heartless or callous so as to not care! And to disclaim him get entry to may well be merciless! even with the undeniable fact that, this guy desires to appreciate that it is not ok to ignore and harm his toddlers. your toddlers' desires could come earlier his! except he mends his techniques, you have each good to maintain your son removed from something which motives him plenty misery and grief. And forcing your son to circulate to him will in basic terms visit pot what relationship he has along with his father, so defeats the entire purpose besides.
2016-11-23 17:07:54 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will always worry. and no one should judge you on what type of person you felt to be the "one." you had your reasons. the supervised visits will more than likely stay in effect through the courts. i am sure your parents are on serious guard when he is around the baby and would do everything in order to eliminate any possible problems he may cause by calling the police if they feel him not to be in a condition to visit with the baby. that helps you out b/c you will have documentation that the police had to be notified and responded to a potentially dangerous situation with your child, as well as for your parents. but you will worry all the same. that is what good mommy's do for the rest of our lives. good luck.
2006-11-12 03:04:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would never comment on your skills of picking men, we've all been there!
As far as your situation, ask for someone from the courts to supervise. That would be best the whole way around. Your parents would be considered on your side should anything happen. Courts can appoint guardian ad lidem's to help in these situations.
2006-11-12 05:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have Family Building Blocks or something like that? Tell your attorney or judge how afraid you are and ask for supervised visitation where he pays a fee and is monitored by people who are payed to do it in a location where he can't take your son.
It sounds like the father is just going to fade out of the picture, but play it safe.
2006-11-12 03:12:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to present all of your evidence to the judge. I have a feeling that he will quickly lose interest in your son and stop seeing him. Ask for court supervised visits in the meantime.
2006-11-12 03:06:27 · answer #7 · answered by notyou311 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask the court for an appointed liaison. If he shows any signs of being high or drunk, the visitation will be withheld. The liaison is an unbiased and trained professional who will be present at the visit as well. Not sure if this will cost you money or not.
2006-11-12 03:01:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋