for the last 2 years my husband and I only have sex maybe once or twice a month. We are in our late 20's so I know he can get it up and medically, we have no problems. He watches porn more and more to the point where I realize that porn has taken my place. I asked him many times what the problem was, and finally yesterday he told me that we have "done everything" I'm willing to do in the bed, and the only thing left is to have another woman in our bedroom. I have said no way, so I guess he has given up on our sex life. So basiclly I am old news and having sex with me is the same ol same ol. I am open to anything and everything as long as it is just the two of us. But that is not good enough for him because we have already done all that. I feel like giving up.
2006-11-12 02:56:47 · 18 answers · asked by mrsleslie_lady 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I suggest marriage counseling. Your husband sounds like an immature 20 something that should not be married. Having a three-some is one of the BIGGEST relationship killers and definitely does not belong in a marriage if one partner is not completely open to it. He sounds like because he is not getting his way he is punishing you the only way he knows how.
Sex is supposed to play an important role in committed relationships because of the intimacy level. Sex is supposed to be something beautiful that two people who love each other share.... not something to invite others to participate in. (I feel there is a time and place for experimentation, however a marriage USUALLY isn't one of those places).
I think his porn addiction is also a bit of a problem and he could be using a threesome as a way to deflect your attention from his real problem...his addiction to porn.
In my opinion, if you think your sex life is as big of a problem as it seems to me, and you want to work on your marriage, I think seeing a sex therapist with your husband (or at the very least a marriage counselor) would be your best course.
DONT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!!!!
2006-11-12 03:07:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are in your late 20's, and it's been 2 years of once a month sex... it sounds like you two must have gotten married fairly young.
The issue may be that he is realizing he did not "sow his wild oats" enough before and is questioning his sex appeal.
Late 20s can be a time of realization for men and women in a marriage. You are pushing 30, and probably convinced that as time continues, you will become less and less attractive to members of the opposite sex.
This may be causing him to hold a grudge. Kind of like he needs validation that he can get and be with other women.
This is one of the main reason people cheat, when there is nothing apparently wrong with the marriage.
Consider some MAJOR open dialog with him about what he wants and what is fair. Are you willing to let him have a female playmate other than you? IF and ONLY OF he can find one who won't want an emotional bond, and trust me that is tough with women. I know he'd love to see you with a woman, but if you aren't into that, he cant force it and make it hot. He is just trying to come up with what he feels is a compromise solution without cheating on you. Let him play...if he can find that no strings atached, safe woman, you approve of.
Is he willing to let YOU have a male playmate? He should be willing to let you play if he plays. (That part may be tough... people do like to have their cake and eat it to)
Spend the next few months building communication and trust, determining what the real issue is, but NOT pressuring for sex (take things in your own "hands" if you have to). The more you pressure him, the more stressed and resentful he will feel, definitely NOT improving your situation.
Until you can both discuss the REAL issues openly (which is VERY difficult, and counter-inuitive for folks) you will likely not be able to resolve them.
Both of you will also have to be open to solutions that may seem unorthodox.
But as Dr. Phil says "Normal is what works for you!"
2006-11-12 07:25:56 · answer #2 · answered by kiltboi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, been there. Alot of times we do not realize how much energy a baby/1 year old takes and how many adjustments we have to make when the baby comes into our lives. Once you have children, life is never the same. Sometimes, the best thing we can do with that type of problem - is find grandma or auntie or someone who is willing to watch the baby for a weekend, or a day/night, and let the two of you go out. Just getting out of the house environment, away from the mess and demands, and spend the time together like a vacation and spend the night at a nice hotel or bed/breakfast, can be very invigorating for both of you. And the baby will be just fine......
2016-05-22 07:04:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to be an emotional, than a sexual problem. Sex does not start in the bedroom, it ends their if their is love, and good communication. Also, porn movies can easily kill a marriage. Most women can not keep up to the expectation of the man, who believe that porn sex represent a realistic sex life....
2006-11-12 03:00:46 · answer #4 · answered by M 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of him. He is not the one for you because he is not committed to the marriage. This is a red flag for sure. If you can't get rid of him maybe you can try counseling. A marriage does not work with only one person trying to make it work. There is not that much love in the world to stay with a person that had rather watch porn or bring someone else into the marriage.
2006-11-12 03:06:55 · answer #5 · answered by kim j 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
porn on the brain......... disconnect the cable or cancel and turn of the puter.. cause he is beating his meat and has nothing for you...
if he told you that he wants a threesome or he basically isn't interested in sex with you and you stood there and took that comment and didn't wring his neck...Shame on you
men think that porn is real and it isn't.. they think their friends are getting hot creative sex and they aren't.. we are all getting prettyt much the same stuff...
Porn is just a Movie, just like all movies and those are actors ( though slutty) playing a part... where no one ever gets hurt or jealous and that all ends well...
in the real world it doesn't happen.... tell him that maybe he should seek some help about it and I'd toss his *** out. till he does.. who wants a man that is a porno freak... if you keep him .. you'll never measure up to what his imagination has seen... and you will be miserable
2006-11-12 03:05:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I would like to say congratualtions on being willing to work on your marriage and sex life- many people give up way too easy these days. I would say keep trying at it and seek advice from a professional, even maybe couples counseling. If you are willing to do anything, then he needs to quit his complaining. My man would love it if I was willing to be more open in bed. Last, I don't know you or anything about your marriage, but if you're miserable and he seems to be falling out of love, then don't stick around. Everyone deserves to be happy.
2006-11-12 03:01:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Been there...done that...still have the scars. I am so sorry you are in this spot. Porn can become an addiction and leads to escalating behaviour which your hubby is showing. It's not about you at all. He needs to get help or there is no hope for your marriage. My hubby got counselling & we put "covenant eyes" on our computers to track where he goes. I really hope he stops and your marriage survives. Good luck :-)
2006-11-12 04:09:21 · answer #8 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is not ok with just the two of you in bed. I say its time for a divorce. Sorry to say that but, I woudl not put up with my man getting off watching some other female. He obviously is just not interested so, time for you to go find someone who is interested. Do not let another female in the bed. When you two got married it was supposed to be jsut you and him not you, him and another female. Thats called cheating and you deserve better than a cheater. Good luck
2006-11-12 03:00:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there is hope...
Perhaps you might consider doing a few of those things
you have not been willing to do in the past ?
Watch the porn with him, become involved in his porn watching.
I understand the most men like porn and most women do not.
If you are on the floor under the desk with him in your mouth
while he is watching porn on the computer, you will quickly become
more important than whatever he is watching...
And that is your goal...
There is no magic pill you can put in his drink....
It will take some innovation & imagination on your part...
2006-11-12 03:02:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋