my husband works graveyard shifts, and it works very well since we all plan for him to sleep at least until 2. saturday morning before he went to sleep for the day i asked him if he could come hear our 5 year old daughter give a talk in church on sunday. He said he'd have to think about it because he wanted to get up early saturday to watch the football game. Which he did. So when our daughter asked him today if he was coming he said no, so she started to cry and he said, "fine I guess I don't need sleep. wake me up in time" and then he went to bed and slammed the door. I am so furious that he would choose a football game over his daughter that I don't even want him to come now. Should I just let him sleep and hopefully I'll have calmed down by the time he wakes up?
2006-11-12 02:46:23 · 13 answers · asked by akeyata 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think a lot of these other answers are way off base. When people work the graveyard shift, their lives are completely opposite from those of us who work during the day. Their sleep habits are opposite, too. Asking him to stay up and go to church Sunday morning would be the same thing as asking you to stay up half the night. A lot of men define their participation and value in the family unit with their job. If he can't sleep like he needs to, he can't work effectively, therefore he won't be doing his job for the family. He probably didn't realize the importance of his presence at the church program for the family. He did understand the importance of the football game - for himself. Men don't think the same way women do.
Cut him some slack. He's trying his best to provide for his family. Be happy you've got a man who works! Some women don't have it that good.
2006-11-12 06:06:16 · answer #1 · answered by PMS 24-7 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the "trying to talk to him" card will soon be played too much. That kind of thing has no consequence for him, you'll just keep trying to talk to him and he'll just keep getting more angry. Instead, think of something that will give him a consequence to deal with, and force him to make a decision. Even if it comes down to threatening to leave him, or something along those lines but a little less harsh. If he has steadily been like this, it's probably that he just has a bad temper. That doesn't give him any right to act that way though, so he needs some kind of disipline. If he has been progressively getting worse, that is a sign of something developing inside of him. It could even be possible that he might be more violent in the future. That's a road you definitely don't want to let yourself go down..
2016-03-19 06:51:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband threw a fit over something so minor, then there are other issues which he is not discussing. Let him sleep, when you get home and he wakes up, make time to talk with him, without your child interrupting. Explain to him that you and your daughter felt as if he cared more about the football game than you. Let him know that you respect his need to sleep because of his work schedule, and then ask him why he reacted so strongly when you discussed seeing your daughter talk in church. Let him know that if there is a problem or an underlying issue, you are willing to listen and try to resolve it. When he does start talking, even if he's complaining, DON'T interrupt him, let him say his piece. If what he says upsets you, tell him you will go and think about what he's said and get back with him at a later time. Leave the room without saying anything else or it will start a fight. Don't take his complaints personally, he's just venting frustration. Let him think on what he said for a couple hours. You talking calmly to him and letting him know you respect his needs will probably confuse him at first. Be honest, and if you get angry, tell him you need to think about the conversation fra bit and you'll get back with him later, then walk away. When I started doing this with my husband, he thought about the real reason for the issues and he would end up coming to me and apologizing for blowing up. Then we would try to work out the real issue so it didn't happen again.
2006-11-12 02:57:44 · answer #3 · answered by mercymarie3 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your husband usually is involved in your daughter's activities and this is the first thing that he will miss, I don't see any harm in it. Everyone needs to do things that they enjoy and anyone working on the graveyard shift has it the worst. I think you should be sensitive to his needs as well. He isn't choosing football over your daughter, he just wants to see the football game. Give him a break. However if this is something that he does regularly then he is just a selfish S.O.B and I hope he realizes that his daughter is needs him before it is too late.
2006-11-12 03:02:16 · answer #4 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the graveyard shift is very hard on you , when the routine throws your body off. tempers seem to fly so much easier then. but the rate of pay always seems to be higher on that shift an is hard to turn down. he should of been more understanding towards your daughter. an how dare him put a football game before her ! men are men when it comes to thier sports. my son is in AZ. today to watch some football game in person. his wife is upset on the money spent on this trip , right before the holidays. but men are men ...maybe he will be more mellow after football season. explain to your daughter in words she will understand , of how the third shift is on daddy. there is nothing more you can do really. except let the argument get even more out of hand.
2006-11-12 03:05:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your daughter what she wants. Then let him know what she wants. Night shift people can adapt. There is not excus for being an @$$. he needs to know this. Need to be able to talk your problems out and show the daughter how a family should be. Does he want his girls to think that a life of yelling and fussing is good.
2006-11-12 03:42:11 · answer #6 · answered by ronnny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't bother waking him up. If it's important to him, he'll make sure he is there. Sorry, but what a jerk!
2006-11-12 05:16:38 · answer #7 · answered by in love love love... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do let sleeping lions lay.
However, I would totally ignore him for the week...TOTALLY as if he didn't exsist. Make time for everyone and anyone (including strangers) before him. When he's had enough, ask him how it feels!
2006-11-12 02:52:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i understand that you are upset, but the program is for your daughter. wake him up and see if he will come along, that's what she wants. later you can talk to him about how upset you are that he would choose a football game over his daughter's speech.
2006-11-12 03:16:14 · answer #9 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes , he doesn't want to go , don't make him, let him sleep.
2006-11-12 02:48:58 · answer #10 · answered by DEADGONE 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋