I am having problems getting my Mom to lay off talking bad about my husband.?

Question

She puts him down and treats him like he is second class. She has done this with every guy I have ever gotten serious about since I was sixteen. I am thirty years old with a six year old boy she acts like I cant raise my child she changes his cloths when he goes somewhere with her and says its because what I had on him was too old for him to wear if he is going with her I changed my phone number so she would leave me alone and she still shows up at my house. Ive told her if she wont respect my husband I don't want her around but she wont leave us alone.

Answer 1

Explain to your Mom what your feelings are. If she does not understand, just do not answer her phone calls or answer the door if she comes to visit you.

You are an adult now and have a right to set boundaries with anyone including your parents.

Answer 2

Pray, and dont disown her,( she is your mom and you only get one) have a very serious talk with her, you may want to include your husband or not. But you must be respectful in telling her that she has to respect the choice you have made and that he is not your boyfriend but your husband. Explain to her the same way your husband had for sake all others you have to and will do the same if she speaks bad about your husband. Tell her she is speaking negativity into your marriage and you will not allow the devil steal your joy no matter who it is. However Im sure this wont change over night but it will help identify why she does this. It will also give her an opportunity to address her issues with your husband. Good luck sweetie, I definitely have been in those shoes before from both sides of the families. (PRAY, Pray and Pray)

Answer 3

Your mother is an important part of your life. BUT, not even close to how important your husband is in your life. So, IF it is necessary, take care of what is most important. Tell mom to respect you spouse. Let her know it isn't a request- but an ultimatum. Then, if she keeps disrespecting him, end ALL contact with her. No Grandchildren, no visits, no letters- NOTHING. Then stick to it. If she won't change her attitude, when she knocks on your door, open it, and say "Sorry Mom, but you aren't allowed here." And then, close the door. She either leaves, or call the cops. Mom sounds like a woman that expects to get her own way in all cases. Show her it isn't going to be that way.

Answer 4

I think that at times we all have problems of some sort or other with our parents. I am 50 years old myself and now live on the same property as my parents do. I'm here to help take care of them. We do not always get along with each other that is for sure. There has been many times that my mom has really hurt my feelings over some of the stuff that she has said to me. I have wanted many time to just lash out at her and tell her off to know end. I have spoke my mind with her a few times but I have not really done it in a bad way. She gets upset with just about everything that I do and all those other people around us as well(family members included), it's as though she does no wrong and everybody else is wrong.

You have to keep in mind that with each and every generation things change. The older folks live and lived different than what we do now, even my own daughter lives a different way than I do now. Each generation has a different way of living and we all like the way WE live and don't want some one else telling us HOW to live or try to "control" us.

Your mom only doing what SHE thinks is best for you, the same as my mom is with me right now. Mine cuts down my bf a lot, treats him like 2nd class and then when he does something good for them to help them, she braggs on him like crazy and then the next thing you know she is right back at cutting him down again.

You say that you are 30, will I'm 20 years older than you and my parents are 83 and 72. As people get older their personality changes a lot. So what you need to do is TRY to go with the flow with her and get alone with her. That IS her grandson that you are talking about. Let her "help" you with him, she loves him. Just keep in mind your mom is not going to live forever and when she is gone, she is gone forever. You won't have your mom any more nor will your son have a grandma anymore either. Just TRY to enjoy her now while you can. Be happy that she is trying to help you with your son, some grand parents do nothing for their grand kids period.

For the husbands part, have him to just ignore how she is treating him (hard to do yes) but remember she is old and will not live for ever, have no regrets later after she is gone.

Answer 5

Looks like you dont have the problem but your Mom. Do you know if she had bad relationships in the pass? If so this could be the real source of her problem with men. See what you can findout through family and her friends. When you get it together confront her with her problem which she is trying to turn into your problem. Tell her you want a fufilled life for your family. But she can not be part of it if she does not come to terms with her pass and also try to have a fufilled life. That might help.
But if she is just a controll freak, then you need to move faraway or get professionel help.
Dont forget as a teenager we knew which buttons to push to get a reaction from our parents. PUSH!!!

Answer 6

You need to make a choice your husband or your mother. If you truly love you husband and child you must cut the apron strings. Until you do that you are by action your mother will continue. You are destroying your marriage. I chose my husband over my mother .Maybe in time she will change her ways until then prove you love your husband. In case it never occurred to you that getting verbal abuse is terribly wrong. It is harming your child, you and your husand. It maybe difficult but you and YOUR FAMILY deserve much better treatment. Would you keep a friend like that? I am 47 and made my choice around your age. It was difficult but reading your letter reminds me I truly did the right thing.

Answer 7

Your mother seems like she needs to be in control at all times. She puts your husband down and treats him like a second class citizen because she can. Next time she does it, your HUSBAND needs to speak up. He needs to firmly and clearly tell her that whatever she said/did is not acceptable and if she keeps it up, she is not welcome in your home anymore. This might crush her ego, put she will get over it. She might even respect him for having some balls. Next time she comes over uninvited, tell her that you already made plans to go out and that she should call before visiting. Good luck.

Answer 8

Unfortunately. She's not taking you seriously. It sounds like you need to take the next step and tell her to leave or you''ll have her escorted off the property.. Then comes the restraining order.. Her speaking poorly of you around your child is such a major issue. Bad for his development.

Answer 9

just by reading your story I think your mom is experiencing dejavu That she is or was seeing your father when they were at your age why don't you asked you grandmother if she is still alive to tell you her and you father story.

I know you love your husband in some cases you have to choose your mother or husband and then moved out of their sight and don't give them phone number and address never contact them but if you want to be in touch with her go to another town or city and call her from the phone booth or cell phone exchange is in another state.

This is the only I can think of you might say through my personal experienced.

Answer 10

Well, try not answering the door now when she comes.

IF your very serious about this, get a restraining order!

Grandparents don't have rights to their grandchildren, so don't let her try that guilt trip on you.

Let her know just what kind of woman she is...........and tell her there will be no disrespect in your home for the man whom you married.