My friend who was in a violent relationship has gone back with her violent partner after me spending ages helping her get rid of him.
Have i done right by stopping all contact with her?
I don't want anything to with her now.
2006-11-12 01:44:13 · 23 answers · asked by its me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I went through the same thing for 8 years and just left him, why cant she do the same?
He hits her kids too and they are on the at risk register.
He is a drug addict.
She lives 600 miles from me
2006-11-12 02:01:55 · update #1
your some friend who will she talk to now
2006-11-12 01:47:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
It really depends how much you care for her. I can understand how frustrated you are after spending all that time helping her but ultimately that is what friends are for. She is her own person and has her own mind no matter how much of a mistake she is making. If the violence continues, which it probably will, maybe it is best to let her know that you are there for her. Be the friend that she deserves and I'm sure she will soon wake up and realise that she is worth more. Violent relationships are very destructive and complicated but I am sure you will be helping her in the long run when she does leave him. Be supportive of her so that she knows she can always turn to you if it turns really bad, but stay out of the relationship as it has to be her who ends it. Give the best advice you can and make sure she knows she must get out and you will help her.
2006-11-12 09:54:40 · answer #2 · answered by koolkatt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people you just can't help you know,but the kids do deserve help.Tell the authorities about them,someone must step in to help they are defenceless children.She has a choice to stay or go they don't.Do the right thing by them,
I personally would'nt be able to sleep knowing those children were being abused,can you? You can be an annonimous caller,I'm sure they would thank you for your intervention. Too many children are left to be abused in marital situations,just because people are too frightened to interfere. If you heard that one of the children had been seriously hurt or even killed,would you be able to live with that on your mind for the rest of your life?
2006-11-14 03:43:45 · answer #3 · answered by animalwatch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should have ended all contact with her, as you were the one that she was turning too when she was in trouble. I realise that you don't want anything to do with her, but right now she has no-one to turn to and if anything really bad happens to the kids or to her then you know that you are going to feel extremely guilty.
If I were you i would try and get back in contact with her, but tell her not to tell her husband that you are back on the scene, because right now if she does decide to leave him again, because she has probably told him that the two of you are no longer friends, he will not necessary come to you looking for her.
Then you need to convince her that she needs to leave him if not for her own safety then for her children, this is not a safe environment for her children to be in. Also it might be worth calling social services and telling them what you know so that they can make regular checks on them. Either way you need to try and get her out of this situation, and be the good friend that you know that you are. I realise that you are mad at her, but you need to swallow your pride and help
2006-11-12 16:51:35 · answer #4 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always let her know that you are just there violent partners have a way of manipulating people but despite the fact that you are unhappy at what she has done by returning to him you should at least keep a line of communication open to her she sounds like she needs all the friends that she can get.
2006-11-14 08:45:33 · answer #5 · answered by h2o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex-wife entered a violent relationship after we split up. She kept on going back to him, despite support from myself and her sister in getting her to kick him out. I still get on ok with my ex but was massively frustrated when she kept on going back to this man and was on the verge of applying for custody of the children (in which I had the support of her sister). Eventually the abuse reached a peak, the police got involved and my ex is now free of this man and thankfully very unlikely to ever see him again let alone rekindle anything. I can understand how frustrated and annoyed you must feel and why you want to totally cut off from your friend but I would ask you to reconsider. People don't tend to stay in this sort of relationship because they are stupid or want to spite you (my ex is a very intelligent woman) but generally because of fear and incredibly low self esteem or similarly complicated pyschological reasons. Keep the lines of communication open with your friend - be there when she needs you and try not to judge her too harshly. Good luck to you and to her.
2006-11-12 09:57:52 · answer #6 · answered by Bymble 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT break all contact cos she might really need you. at the moment she probaly has no self belief what so ever so feels like she cant do anything without him because he has got her down the level where she wont know whether she prefers butter or magarine without his opinion. make sure that she knows shes always got a friend who will help her and hopefully she will be able to get away and have a happy ending. Men like this are sooooo clever and maniplutive with it. they wear you down and it takes a looooong time to build yourself back up and get away from them at the same time
2006-11-12 09:54:15 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Claire - Hates Bigotry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not leave your friend right now!
Although it's hard to see someone go back to someone who is abusive, the best thing you can do for your friend is remain her friend and keep the lines of communication open.
Her partner is going to try to keep her from you and everyone she loves, and if he gets violent again, she will need your help.
Try to put aside your pride and realize your friend needs you now more than ever, even if she doesn't think she does.
2006-11-12 09:47:53 · answer #8 · answered by anabele6 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that your friend will endure the same treatment as she did before...it's just a matter of time...do not desert her, she will be back...next time it happens (because it will) be there for her...she may be having difficulties coming to terms with not being with this guy....love is blind don't forget....she'll see him for what he is really like once she realises that she's being used as a punchbag, one person can only take so much crap...she will wake up one day...you did right by helping her out...your a good friend...
2006-11-12 11:00:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi you need to be a true friend, be there , she may need you. if things get bad then she will need a true friend.
we have to take a back seat in these type of situations,
wish her the best and stand by your friend.
good luck to her and you
god will show her the right path
2006-11-14 22:51:27 · answer #10 · answered by PETER J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should still stand by your friend. She is going through a crisis and needs friends more than anything right now.
2006-11-12 09:49:46 · answer #11 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋