im depressed and alone?

Question

Im almost 9 months pregnant and very depresed, my husband keeps fighting because I forget to do things in the house and he pays all the bills, I suffer from a disorder that when I get really sad or mad I faint, It happened this morning and he thinks Its my fault, he doest care if I cry because he thinks it wont hurt the baby. He doesnt hit me but his words hurt more, he calls me names and tells me Im ugly and fat and not a woman and that I ruined his life. I dont know what to do anymore I cry everyday sometimes he makes me whish i was dead, i dont have any friends to talk to and I feel so lonely.I found him on a chat room online talking to girls, The next day he acts like nothing happened and expects me to be happy without even apologizing to me. Other times he is good and makes me happy but this hurts so much because I dont forget things, He says I have mental problems and im retared, he says it so much Im staring to believe him

Answer 1

You are being mentally abused. I have been there.

He will tell you those things so that he can continue to abuse you and so your self esteem will get so low that you feel like you can't leave. It is control...and he will never admit it and will always blame you. And quite honestly, that personality type feels absolutely justified in doing what he is doing. He will never see the err in his ways and will never change.

Do you have family? You need to tell your family if you do and stay with them. They would not want you to be treated this way.

If you don't have family, then you need to go to a counselor and explain this situation. After that, you need to take steps to leave.

You are not ugly, you are not a bad person and no one...NO ONE...deserves to be treated this way.

The longer you wait, the longer you will not give yourself the opportunity to be happy. Trust me on this, I wish I would have gotten out sooner...spent 7 years with the guy and those years were wasted.

I am much happier now...

Answer 2

I have been where you are now. 8 years ago, I had a husband who didn't want a child, but never told me before we got pregnant. He turned to other women, and drugs. I took his mental abuse for the entire time I was pregnant, and when my baby was born, I realized that if I didn't get my self and my child out asap, he would turn his hatefulness onto my child. If your self esteem is low, it's understood because of what you're going through, and to do it while being heavily pregnant is horrible. You have to think of your child first right now. If your husband is treating you this way, just imagine what he'll do when the child is there. Then he'll have a physical person to take out his anger on. You might not be there when he decides to hurt that child in some way. You can't take that chance. As for forgetting things, pregancy will do that. Sometimes the hormones running around in your body, mess with other things, like memory, depression, sleeping excessivley. Please, think about what he might do to that baby about to come into this world. Protect your child and yourself. If you need help leaving and finding a new place to stay, there are programs out there, start by asking questions at your local health department. There are lawers who will do your divorce an anything else you need to get away from your abusive husband for little or sometimes no money. It's called pro bono. Your health department should be able to lead you in the right direction for these programs. I beg you to protect yourself and your child. Good luck and many blessings, from an abuse survivor.

Answer 3

I don't even know if you'll get to see this but I have to tell you that you are being abused. This guy isn't helping you or taking care of you or being supportive. It's only going to get worse after you have a child because he'll have two people to put down. You deserve so much better than that and so does your child. When you go into the hospital your husband will be asked to leave the room and nurses will ask you if you're being abused. The way he treats you is considered abuse. Tell them yes and let them help you. If you won't get out the situation, do it for your child because regardless of whether you are having a boy or girl, your child will see what his/her father does and either mimic it or respond to it negatively. You don't have mental problems and you seem like a smart girl to me. Remember that you are beautiful and you are worthy and you are strong. When you are always sad, you need a better life. Despite the fact that you might love him, he isn't treating you the way you deserve. Call a domestic violence hotline if you don't want to talk to the nurses. Tell anyone please! Otherwise you won't be safe.

Answer 4

Try talcking to someone, that has experience. Maybe a psychologist will do the trick. If the girl you love married someone else, than maybe she didn't love you. And if she didn't love you, what's the point loving her? But...I'm not gonna judge you. I know how you feel. But if you live with the past, the worse your situation will be. Try moving on. Even though it's hard for you, do something and let your life move on. I'm not saying to find someone else right now, but think about it. Someday, you will have to do that. You've got the future in front of you. Don't let it get away because of a girl. She didn't appreciate you for what you are. You should find someone who loves you the way you are... Until you find that person, get rid of the bad mood you're in. Open your eyes and see that life could go on, even without that girl.

Answer 5

I really wonder how many of the "leave him now" crowd have dealt with pregnancy. You are a month away from delivery.
There is nothing you can do to improve your lot and everything to screw it up right now.
Give this a rest and get your nursery ready. Put this conversation on hold for 4 months and then revisit it when you are back to normal. Your hormones, mind and body do not allow any major change right now.

What stunningly poor advice telling a woman to move while 9 months. Its like they have not figured out that you cannot carry
you stuff.

He does sound like a large butt hole though. Mental and retarded?
I don't think so only preggeres. You are pregnent he is a child .
In 6 weeks you will be a mother will he still be immature?

Answer 6

Sweetie, the first thing you need to do just for now is get out of that house and go stay with your mom or a trusted friend. Just to clean your mind and finish the pregnancy and have a clear head to deliever. You did NOT ruin his life, he ruined his own life. You are about to give birth to his baby for pete's sake....he cannot expect you to be superwoman and be 9 months pregnant. You are special and God has given you this child because he knows you are special and will be a great new momma for this special baby. It's not fair to you that he is talking to other girls and negleting you like he is either....this should be a joyous time and instead he is being rude, un-loving, selfish, undeserving, and childish and my definition of a LITTLE BOY not a REAL man and thats what you need and deserve. Look down the line in 3-4 months after you have the baby...is this really what you want obe around? Save yourself...it may hurt to leave if he doesn't want to work it out or change, but it will better you and your life and your childs life in the end. Good Luck, and I hope this helps!!

Answer 7

I am familliar with the fainting disorder, it sucks. I hope that you know that this disorder will not affect your baby in the least. You will be okay and so will your baby..physically.
Emotionally..another subject. The fainting spells obviously do restrict you to a certain degree, however, I hope they don't imprison you. You sound very lonely and that is sad, but remember, you have the greatest gift growing in you now, the very greatest gift....how very exciting for you now, even if the SOB does not want to be nice. Listen, this is your life, not his. You were put on this earth for a reason and it sure as He** was not to be abused by some loser who calls his pregnant wife fat. Is he so ignorant that he does not understand that unless you are fat now the baby would starve in your womb???? Are men really still this stupid?

Do not believe him, you are not stupid, you are fuc**** pregnant. It sounds to me like he is the one with "issues" and he needs help, but not from you, your plate is full.
When I was pregnant my husband seemed to have gathered quite a colllection of porn, maybe that is todays = of talking to girls online, hate the internet sometimes. I think they get afraid to have sex with us cause they think they might hurt the baby....what a laugh!! As if they think they could even come close to the babes head!!! Idiots.
Ignore him, his insults, his "short" comings, you go have yourself a great healthy baby, be relaxed for now, but when you feel sronger, and trust me you will, then you think about what to do with hubby, till then, hey, good luck and god bless you and baby.

Answer 8

This man is only a step away from knocking you around. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your baby. If it's a boy, he'll think it's okay to treat women that way and you wouldn't want your son to become that kind of person and if it's a girl, she may end up with a guy who puts her down cause all men are like daddy is what she'll think. Get out. Divorce him. Call the women's resource Center, they can help you get back on your feet and you can get a divorce pro bono under abused spouse even if it's verbal.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. First of all, DON'T BELIEVE HIM! Second, I know this may be hard to do but it sounds like you should really get out of the relationship. It sounds like he's a horrible husband and he'll probably be just as bad of a father. Get out! It will be better for you and your precious baby. Your baby will go through hell if you stay in a relationship like that. You're right, emotional abuse does hurt and can hurt just as much as physical just in a different way. Do you have any relatives that can help you? If not, go to any help center that's available where you are and tell them your horrible situation. I really hope you get help and get away from him.

Answer 10

i had a similar situation with my husband too and he used to call me a faliure among other things because i quit my job during pregnancy and he beat me up twice while pregnant one caused a rupture to my ear drum, but in the second fight i stood up and beat him right back in front of his whole family
i'm mentioning that to tell u that u r not alone and if u keep listening to what he tells u about urself u'll end up being that way
all u have to do is stand up for urself
and u caneven threaten to leave him if he doesnt stop the humiliation and dont worry about support, he is obliged to child support even if u leave him
and whatever he says or does to hurt u, dont feel hurt, just backfire it to him again and make him feel that u r stronger than him even if u need him but make him get the impression that you can b a whole and complete individual without him
and get a job, believe me this is the best thing u can do for urself and the baby

Answer 11

Oh my, that does sound bad. Well one things for sure, and that is your husband is in the wrong. I mean he should be able to understand you, I mean look at him, he certainly isn’t doing a good job of a husband and helping you through out your pregnancy. And as for his remarks! What makes him gods gift! Listen no one is perfect and he certainly has no right in saying all those mean things to you, even if he is your husband.
Firstly, I would advice you to ignore his mean comments and focus on the well being of your child. Think of all the happiness that this one child of yours, will bring in to your life. Think positive. Forget your husband at the moment cuz he is of no use to you at this point. Just focus on your child, and try not to get too upset, avoid what he says and try to focus on other thing and pass time in enjoyment. Like treat yourself to a movie or listen to some lively music, I am sure that will liven your spirit up a bit.
I would have also advised you to say the same mean remarks back at your husband, but at this stage in pregnancy, well it wouldn’t have a good affect on you or your child.
Your husband should really appreciate you more. He should learn to understand that you ain’t no push over. He cannot just treat you how he feels when ever he wants and you should make him aware of this. Don’t acknowledge the fact that he chats to girls online, act as though you don’t care. Because sometimes, it may be when you acknowledge these things he does that he starts to get angry and it make him says hurtful things. I fink you both just need some time to talk when things are calm. In that way you can make him understand that what he says hurts you. He’ll also be able to understand you better.
You coming child will have an impact on your relationship with your husband. As the child will keep the bond between you and your husband together. Hopefully with this coming child, you husband will learn to relax a bit and he’ll soften up at the sight of his child.
Though sometimes, when people say things you don’t like, its sometimes the only way to do things in the say way. When he shouts at you for forgetting to do things in the house, just give him a sarcastic reply, making out that you’re only a human beings. Or that your nearly nine moths pregnant and that he should try carrying a child for a whole nine months! With this kind of attitude, well he may get mad…but then he’ll start to reflect back on what you said and perhaps get some sense in to him!
Anyways I just hope things turn out ok for you, best of luck!