One night stand.....now I find out I have a daughter?

Question

I had a one night stand last sept with this girl i met at the club.
I got phone call at work 2day from her & she said that she had a baby girl who is 3 1/2 mths old & is mine.
She told me she kept this from me coz we are 23 & she didn't want this to ruin my life, she said the reason she called is because she thought she could do it on her own but now she needs me 2 help her out with money and support.
She said if i don't believe her we can have a dna test done....I want 2 but i dont want to upset her coz she semed depressed & said that she has no support from anyone. The only thing is when we slept 2getha we didnt use protection & she said she hasn't been with anyone else since me.
I really want to help and support her. She said she'd give me some time to think about if i want to be part of their lives. I have neva seen "our" baby yet, but she said she's bring her to me. the only prob is i have a g/f now & dont no how 2 tell her. what should i do im so confused.

ok so she caled me & said we can have dna, but she don't know what to do. can anyone tell me? i told her that i will send her stuff she needs for her baby. she messaged me a pic of the baby and well she looks like me. i told her even if im not the father that i will help her find the real one and help support the baby. just so you know this is the only one night stand i have evr had.

Answer 1

2 words: PATERNITY TEST! get one done before any money or support is exchanged. also i wouldnt see the baby till you know it is 100% yours. you dont wanna be attatched to some child that isnt yours. and if it is yours then i would tell your gf whats going on, if she loves you she will support your decision to be in the child's life, if she doesnt, then she is a jealous loser who needs to move on

Answer 2

wow, very heavy! well, first congrats. second, just to make sure i think you should get the dna test done. since she offered it up, disregard her state of depression, because it's better to know for sure than have your life unravel in the near future and find out baby isn't really yours. that girl can't be mad if you decide to get the test, if she does get mad and throws a guilt trip i would be a little suspicous. get the dna test asap.

anyway, based on the test results you'll have you're answer to tell your girlfriend. if the results are positive, it really is God's test for your relationship. i mean, if she trips out and can't support you then she wasn't worth it. plus finding out how she handles this feat in your relationship, is more beneficial to you two now than after you've invested a lot more into the relationship.

as for "how" to tell your current girlfriend. just be honest and give her all the facts. i'm a blunt person and like my life-changing-convos that way, so i'd prefer my man to be straight with me. make sure before you start the convo that she knows it's very serious and that you want her to hear you all the way through, before she verbalizes any responses. also, try to rehearse what you are gonna tell her. not necessarily the entire convo, but just the bulletpoints.

conclusion, i admire that you want to help her even though you don't know if the baby is really yours. but let's face it, there are many a trifling women now a days.. our societal morals and codes have changed.

Answer 3

u have to do a dna test even if it might hurt her. If she had a one night stand w/ u it's possible she has w/ someone else. She could just need money, and that could be the end of the story or it might be yours, you never know. DNA test will help you not make a big mistake. My advice don't tell your girlfriend till you are sure, it will only hurt her, and she'll either think you kept the secret from her or you're a male ****. Just take a DNA test and if you are the father, be honest w/ your gf and pray she'll stay, and if she truly loves you she'll stay. But she might need some time to think, and you better give it to her.

Answer 4

I say get the test done before you do anything else (I wouldn't even tell my girlfriend until I was sure). So she's depressed, that shouldn't stop you from finding out for yourself. Sure she says you're the only one she slept with, but honey, if it was truly a one night stand, why would you believe that? For all you know, she could be feeding the same line to 3 other guys.

If it's not yours, say 'Sayonara, good luck finding the babies father'. Don't get sucked in to helping her, you've moved on with your life, and she needs to work on finding the real father, if she can.

If it is yours, talk to your girlfriend, I mean the one night stand happened over a year ago (Right?) so she can't fault you for having a life before her. But you have to accept that she's not ready to be a part time mommy, either. If she does break up with you, it might be o.k., because you've got plenty to do to prepare for being a dad. It will give you time to bond with your baby, and time to work out things with the baby's mom without the complications of a girlfriend.

Next time use protection- you need to get a STD screen if you are have gone around having one night stands without protection. World AIDS day is coming up, the 1st of December, and you can get a free HIV antibody test then. Do it! You need to be healthy for all the women in your life!

Answer 5

girlfriends come and go but if that is your child and u do not support her or love her as she grows up do you know what can happen to her. there is something called Daddy Syndrome and girls who have no father figure in their lives, one to guide and love and support and discipline them, they will always pick the wrong men. they will pick abusive men, cheaters, because they don't think they are worthy of a man's love all this would stem from you being afraid to acknowledge her because you have a girlfriend. Just one more thing, you sound like a decent guy so i will tell you this, once you hold that little girl in your arms you will wonder how you could have ever not wanted to be her father. you will be amazed and humbled at the beauty of her chubby little fingers. you will blink back a tear the first time you hear her say daddy. and you will cry the first time she runs to you and says, " I love you daddy", and you will be proud on the day of her wedding when she chooses a wonderful man to marry because you taught her through your love that she is too special to settle for less. Take it from me young man, don't let this chance pass by you to really live. good luck to you.

Answer 6

BE FOR REAL YOU NEED TO TAKE THE TEST SHE MAID THE OFFER THIS IS YOUR LIFE AND POSSIBLY YOUR CHILD'S LIFE. AS FOR THIS GIRLFRIEND, THEY COME AND GO. IF YOU HAVE BABY OUT THERE YOU NEED TO KNOW AND HELP TAKE CARE OF HER. SHE DID NOT ASK TO COME HERE. THIS IS HOW YOU WILL KNOW IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS REALLY WORTH YOUR TIME. IF SHE CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU HAD A LIFE BEFORE HER LET HER GO. EVEN IF THE BABY TURNS OUT NOT YOUR BABY. YOU CAN ELIMINATE TWO PROBLEMS AT THE SAME TIME. IF SHE IS NOT WITH YOU THROUGH THE BAD TIMES, YOU DON'T NEED HER WHEN THING ARE GOOD. SEE WHERE YOU STAND WITH HER NOW. NEVER DO THIS ONE NIGHT STAND AGAIN. YOU TOOK A CHANCE WITH YOUR LIFE SO DID SHE, ALWAYS USE PROTECTION. WHEN A WOMAN HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND, DEEP DOWN SHE IS REALLY HOPING IT WILL TURN INTO SOMETHING MORE. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO WOULD COME BACK AROUND. NO ONE REALLY WANT TO GIVE THEMSELVES TO SOME ONE FOR ONE NIGHT UNLESS IT CAN'T BE ANY OTHER WAY.

Answer 7

DNA! Just cause she tells you she slept with nobody else doesn't mean she hasn't. Furthermore if she slept with you the first night what's to stop her from sleeping with anybodyelse.
Have a DNA done and if you are the father support the child. IF you decide you want a relationship with the mother too that's fine.
IF you have a girlfriend now tell her what's going on. I bet she will agree with the DNA test.

Answer 8

Tough one... If it was only a one night stand, then to be honest, you don't really know the woman... it's taking a big chance to trust her so easily when you could just be the nicest person / softest touch that she slept with since last September...

With respect, I'd say get the dna test done, then once you know for sure, you'll be able to make a better, clearer decision.

Tell her it's for both your peace of mind.

Still - having kids is great so good luck either way :-)

Answer 9

its a good thing u r willing to take responsibility, but i think u should get a dna test first before u can decide which way 2 handle the situation. try 2 talk to the baby's mum and point out dat it is important for u 2 understand and be sure that she is yours; at the same time do not leave ur galfriend out, talk to her let her know wats goin on, we ladies dont wanna b left out in anything that concerns our man. if the baby turns out 2 b yours i hav no doubt u will be a great dad!!! goodluck

Answer 10

If one is capable of sex, one should take full responsibility for the consequences. Or else, one should take precautions to avoid pregnancy. What is a man who can not own up his own child? Under no circumstances, an infant should be disowned. Go for what ever tests to satisfy oneself and the soceity, and lend full support to the welfare of the child. Dont do things that leave even a trace of doubt and make you regret later on in life. Life is too precious, and children are the most precious things on this earth.

Answer 11

get the dna test, dont worry about her feelings she didnt worry about yours she said she didnt want to ruin your life yet she has no problem hitting you up for money when she needs it, plus you guys had a one night stand just because she said that you were the only one dont always believe a desperate women. I say this because my brother got burned this way. Get the test and if you are the father than step up and take responsibility but this girl may have already tried to trap numerous guys before you, it sounds fishy that she would wait this long to tell you, and there is support for her there are lots of programs for single mothers that need help she just needs to make an effort and look them up. I dont want to sound harsh expecially being a female but girls can be really sneaky. an once you get the test and if it is yours go to court if you guys arent together and get it court ordered as child support before she takes your money adn then after takes you to court wanting child support saying you never gave her anymoney, if you were a one night stand then she doesnt care about you or you guys would have lasted more than one night.