How do I approach my husbands Mistress?

Question

4 3 yrs now Dana Dana Dana is the mysterious name with no face. we are seperated with no answers 2 my questions. I found a letter 2 days ago addressed to him, but different street address/city. I found out later a women with the 1st name Dana! Dana! Dana!!!!!!!!

I left 3 wks ago. I believe my husband has an Income 3x the $$$ amount I know of. Divorce Filing is Dec 19. And the reason I want to approach her, I need 2 know what name he is using. Two words "Alimony and Child Support"

Answer 1

are you going to proposition or kick her butt?

Answer 2

Hon, it might be good policy to not approach her at all. I mean, what do you say or do that doesn't get back to him? And then he has to "defend" her from the whacked out ex that tracked the Mistress down. Not good.

Your best policy would be to see what you need to do to make sure you have a job and a home and food on the table. Focus on the things that need to be done to survive daily life. Sit quitely and try to remember what Life was without all the Drama. What did you do? Hike, camp, read, take long baths? Renew yourself.

You cannot control the decisions or actions of others. You Can control your decisions and the activities you choose to devote your time to. Seek out the things that make you unique, together, content, and self-confident. Eventually there will be a man who values the qualities that make you ...you. Aim for that end result, far away as it may seem.

Maybe, when he sees your focus is no longer on him and the drama he creates, he'll be able to see his mistake. If not, dear, then it's still His mistake.

Answer 3

First of all..to find out how much he is making, get tax returns

Second, do nothing to the mistress. I was in a situation where the guy was "divorced" and his ex was this "evil witch." Low and behold it was totally opposite-he was still married to her and the reason for the discord in their relationship was he had always cheated but she put up with it, but over the years became more bitter towards him. All feelings I would have had if I were in the same situation. I actually apologized, not to feel better for myself, but of the more agony this woman had to go through. She completly understood where I was coming from-come to find out he had given another woman the same story. Now, take this into consideration: the was the first relationship after I left my husband when I found he was sleeping with his ex. She basked in the glory of hurting me. Needless to say, I wanted to show them how a " typical unsuspecting and demure Southern girl" could handle things. I took it to court and got the house they both were living in when I moved out. Took the proceeds and had an even better house built. Nothing is better than Charma...

Just keep your head clear and evaluate the situation. There are so many sides to the story-your husband is the one at fault. Take the anger out on him.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

You don't need to approach the mistress, it just causes more problems. If you know there is an affair for a fact approach your husband. You must be able deal with this as business of life approach and try to keep the emotions out of it. You will gain respect with this method and you will get more truthfull answers. Also don't go asking for dates and times and those types of questions. Just ask whats up and know what you are prepared to do. Remember to know the facts to be true before you start accusing.

Answer 5

do not aproach the mistress, u will feel only more hurt. just get a good attorney, and go for the alimoney. have self respect and dignity, never confront the other woman, just makes u look bad. he would just defend her anyway. the affair began in his mind, not hers, if he hadn't wanted to he wouldn't have. take him for all u can get, find a new love and move on in life, and be glad u are rid of him, and that u won't suffer anymore.

Answer 6

I am not a fan of approaching the mistress. The problem started with your husband. If he was not looking she would not have been found. I would not disgrace myself by confronting her. Hold your head high and handle this like a lady. Keep it between yourself and your husband.

Answer 7

"Keep your hands off my man, b*tch!"?

Would that work?

You didn't exactly give much information in your question, so if you didn't get the answers you were expecting, perhaps you should've given more insightful information in your question, hun. His mistress isn't going to tell you what name he is using, if he's using a false one. Get yourself a good divorce lawyer, and he will do all the dirty work for you. And if your husband is getting 3X the $$$ that you think he is, you can bet you'll get a bigger alimony payment, and your kids will be set until they are in college. Good luck with all this. I know it must be a difficult thing to go through. Keep your chin up! :)

Answer 8

You don't need to approach his mistress. You need to approach a good lawyer. He should be able to get tax records, earnings info etc. Don't forget you are entitled to half of everything. I got half of my ex's profit sharing and 401K, plus child support. I'm glad you left It's been my experience once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 9

Why would you? If you know of them that should be enough for you.
They will only hurt you with their gossip and stories, do you really want that.
I can't believe you are still with him..
Do you not deserve the whole loaf?????
You soundlike you have a self esteem problem...
Get out of this relationship, he is a sick puppy....

Answer 10

I would pack his stuff and show him the door why do all women go for the other woman he is the one that is married to you not her he strayed and he mustn't care what you feel he is a rat and once he has done it on you he will do it again and again get rid of him for your own sake

Answer 11

Very Cautiously