i dont get it, when i was a drug addict alcoholic i had plenty of friends and a hot wife.?

Question

my wife divorced me because of the drugs, but being clean seems to be working out worse for me as far as the friends and dating thing goes. I have found that i have no idea how to socialize and be confident without being high or drunk. WTF.. I have been clean 2 years 5 months... Is this going to get easyer, or am i doomed to walk life alone now?

Answer 1

You are not doomed. You have taken the first big step and have gotten clean. The second is to work on a new circle of friends. That is the hardest part, unfortunately. You can make friends by trying new things. Volunteer work...you got clean, how about helping others? That could make meaningful, long-lasting relationships. Join a group of people who like doing the things you do (bowling league, motorcycle group, sports club). Take your time getting to know what you like and the friendships will blossom from there. Relationships stem from friendships, so start small. Good luck and congratulations on being clean.

Answer 2

You're hearing the old siren song of drugs and booze. After 2 and 1/2 years of being clean, you're wondering why the hell you even bothered, right? No wife or serious love interests, no partying, no "friends". Don't give up. That confidence and those friends you thought you had were an illusion. Any guy who can kick drugs and booze and get his shiite together the way you have, isn't doomed to be alone for life. Get help from someone, anyone, who will understand you're just not seeing the pot of gold that you were promised at the end of the "sobriety" rainbow. If you throw in the towel now, you won't go back to being confident and social. You'll go back to being a drug addict and a drunk with "friends" living the same fantasy that you are. I know you'll make it.

Answer 3

That is why they have AA and NA. Those are places where you build up a network of sober and clean friends. Sometimes you find a partner as well.

"Recovery" from addictions means you also change all your friends and all of your attitudes about life. That is called "sobriety".

In early recovery, people are bored and unhappy a lot because they just let go of the drugs, alcohol and old friends. But usually by 2.5 years there is already a network of sane people in a recovering person's life.

I have been sober, clean, in recovery for 17 years. I have experienced what you are talking about. When I start feeling that way, it is because I am expecting the world to entertain me, or make me happy. So, I turn inward and examine why I feel so entitled. This is usually about the addictive thinking that, even after all this time, I still have.

And, by the way, it does get better. But one has to get off their but and make it that way.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You know, I feel for you . I have been in your situation but I was the hot wife. I found that those 12 step programs are a great place to meet other clean and sober people for the most part. Some are just for social stair climbers. You have to look for the winners. Parenting classes are a great place to meet women. You sound as if you have no confidence in your appearance. Or maybe you feel you are lacking in your manhood. Insecure men do not catch and keep nice women. After my great looking husband threw me away, and I am far from ugly, I bumped into a man one day who wasn't gq gorgeous. He was a bit rough and scary looking, tatted all over, prison tats. We talked for a bit and something clicked and we love each other very much 10 years later. Just be yourself and if you're that uncomfortable talking to others, see a doctor for some medications. You may be depressed. Good luck.

Answer 5

i am happy that you quite alcoholic this is a great step towards a new life, dont look back because the people you had at your past who shared with you this habbit even your wife dosent deserve what you already accomplished, you are on the right track and this is why they didnt follow you because they are bad and you dont need to be with bad people you need to have new start with new people but i think that you are looking at the wrong places, we all usually look behind us for long time this is why we miss the great moments we already have,thank god that your wife and friends away from you now because if they are still in contact with you, you might be now addicted to alcoholic again, to be able to socialize with clean people follow your intrests,like if you like readings go to book shops and you will meet people there who share your intrest or you can go to play any kind of sports or even particpate in chirty group, i am sure that you will have a new group of friends who share your intrests and they will give you a push to a new clean start and after a while i am sure you will start to laugh about your past friends and how bad they are, you are not alone and you will not be but its hard to find good people now so start to look at the right places, and belive me we all here your friends and we are intrested to keep you clean and not alone, so its not true that you are alone because you are not, you are surrounded with people who dosent know you and intrested to help you and makes you feel great, you are a winner because you quite a bad habbit a lot wish to do the same but they cant, god bless you man,wish you luck

Answer 6

You will not walk life alone unless you want to. Your friends, and I am guessing, "hot wife" are probably using in one way or another. I was clean and sober for years, missed my old life and friends, so went back to getting messed up all the time and guess what?????? I didn't like them any more, what I missed was the youth and ignorance and denial I had been living, not them. Keep your grip on, you can do this. It will get easier, have been clean and sober for many years now, married, happy, productive, but most of all....really really happy, not a god freak, just....please forgive me, one day at a time.
BIG FAT HINT:, met my hubby at a homeless shelter cooking a thanksgiving meal for them, we all brought food and cooked all day, been together ever since. Thanksgiving is in two weeks, theres your sign!!!!!!

Answer 7

I feel your pain, drugs and booze bring people out of their shell and being sober is too hard for others sometimes.
Stay the course and when you make friends they will be better friends. Go places where their are people that don't drink or use. I am trying to think of a place. Maybe the zoo or to plays and museums.
Good luck

Answer 8

CONGRATULATIONS on being clean. But, the *paradox* of losing what you used to have must be very painful!!! I think you are "looking for love in all the wrong places" ....... the places you "used" to find it. Are there any social single groups in your area where you could mingle and make friends? It's a cold world out there. Stay strong, my friend!! Join the Y, go to church if that's your thing, do some volunteer work. There are others out there just like you ....... just go look for them.

Answer 9

be happy that youre clean.thats how it is when youre in drugs and alcohol.my ex was like that.i didnt know he was on drugs,but when i started to find baggies floating in the washer,and pipes hidden in our bedroom.i confronted him and tried to help him.but he never listened.his friends,were only happy if he was high or drunk or both.and i tried to open his eyes,and show him that he had no friends.i begged his friends not to offer or buy him alcohol.and everytime i was told too late,i already did.and his friends were always mad at me because i would kick them out the house,because i didnt want that going on at my house,where my children live.but,even me showing him he had no friends,didnt make him listen.you know how he found out he had no friends?one night we went out,and he decided to make a stop at a friends house.his friend was drunk and pulling me around and hugging on me, i got pissed off and told him i didnt like anyone to be pulling me around and hugging me the way he was doing it.he got mad at me because i was disrispectfull to his friend.he went back to his friend after i came home.got drunk,then came back home beat me up,saying i shoudnt be like that with his friends.he is in prison now,4 years.for beating me,almost to death over his friend.and you know,where are his friends now?he called apologizing because it took for him to go to prison to realize he had no friends.what im trying to tell you by sharing this is that in that world,you have no friends.friends are with you in good times and bad times,not only on high times.

Answer 10

so many people are materialistic.you have to go to events where people dont drink and see how they react, and learn from them, good luck