A question for the ladies.?

Question

I am a male and I am just trying to understand something.

Why do some women stay in a relationship with a guy that hits them. There is nothing more wrong then a guy that hits a woman, there is a guy down the road that does it and I have had words with him at a party about it, but the thing that has got me stuffed is she is still there and sticks up for him.

WHY?????????????????/

Just reading the post so far, what scares me is women are saying stuff like, low self esteem - doesn't think she deserves any better and even might deserve the beatings.

Right, so there is a mentle trap. Any ladies out there that are in this spot. There are guys out there that would love you for who you are. No one is perfect, I am not and my wife is not, but I love her so much that I would never think about hurting her in anyway. There is a guy out there that would treat you the some way has I do to me wife. Life is to short to have someone treat you like ****. You are not the one with a problem, your ******** partner is. Every woman is a lovely and beautiful person. That deserve true love and happiness. And you are one of them.

Answer 1

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Well I guess I should try to answer this one.I was married to a man for 20yrs. that beat me the entire time.We had 2 children.Nice home,nice cars and plenty to eat.In the beginning of our marriage he ran around with other woman.If I would say something about it.Black eye.I was a new mother with 2 new baby's.I did not know what to do,where to go to be able to take care of those babies.He was my main support and back then they didn't have all of the programs they do today.
the mental health profession will say we stay because that is what we know.Which may be some what true my father beat on me for yrs.After my 20yr.marriage ended(I left when my youngest was 17.)I fell right back into another abusive relationship.Far worse then even my 20yr. marriage.It has ended.Thank God
So when I seen your question today.I had to sit down and give you my thoughts.
We stay because,we accept thier actions as normal.
We stay for financial support.To put a roof over the kids head.
We stay because we love them and believe they love us.
Alot of time we stay due to threats.Even the treat of death.
My ex once told me he would take my kid out of state and I would never see them again.
That ex was charged last week with an F2 assult for hitting another man with his truck.Until then he had never spent any time in jail.Now he faces prison.
There is just so many reasons woman stay.Its hard to say why this ladie stays.Its nice to know there are still good guys out there.She'll leave when she gets fed up.Lets hope its not to late.

Answer 2

I have never actually been hit by a man, but I grew up watching my father do it to my mom. I think the reason she stayed was because her self-esteem and spirit was so broken down by this man she felt trapped and helpless. It becomes a vicious cycle....he beats her, he apologizes , she accepts the apology and the next time he flys off the handle it starts all over again. I don't understand why a woman would allow herself to be anyone's punching bag. I would stand up against my father and I was only 16 or so years old. It made me angry that my mother could never see she didn't have to put up with it and he was a bully who was also a coward. I don't understand relationships like this either. I know love can be blind, but this is a matter of life and death.I have come across many questions on here that were pretty easy to answer, but I have to admit..this is one I can't find an answer for. I have never understood relationships like that and I would really like to know what makes a woman put up with that kind of abuse.

Answer 3

Because either she never had any self esteem, or she has been "programed" to believe she has no worth by someone who she thought she loved and respected. Respect being the key word here. She could have fallen for a guy like "dear ol dad".
In any respect, she cannot be reasoned with. She has to be
"educated" without knowing that she's being educated. Passive intervention. Strangely enough, "we" are really smart, strong women. That is once we stop having our brain slammed around in our skulls.

Answer 4

i was like that.my ex was an alcoholic.and later on i found out he was on drugs.and i tried to help him.but one night he almost killed me.and that's when i opened my eyes and decided its not worth trying to help hI'm,if im going to be in danger.he is now in prison doing 4 years.and yes there are reasons.i don't have any family here,so i didn't have anywhere to go with the kids.plus many times he said he would go after me if i left.my self esteem was never low.i always knew i deserved better.but i was afraid.he has family members in good positions with the government an always used that to tell me,i would never take the kids because his family would put the system in his favor.theres a lot that goes through a woman's head in this situations.and one is to provide for the kids.now he is in prison,I'm raising the kids on my own.and not to my surprise his family want nothing to do with me or my children.they say i was malicious putting him in prison.i just finally had the guts to end his abuse.its the answer i give them.

Answer 5

I don't understand it either. My guess would be he not only physically beating her up. He is emotionally beating her up. She most likely has on self esteem, he probably threatens her with, taking the children or he will hunt her down if she ever left.
I say go for it Buddy!!!!
You take the children and I will be waiting for you
I would like to know where are the Fathers and Brothers of these women?

Answer 6

maybe she grew up with that behavior and she 's use to it.maybe she is lazy and fallen into a rut that's familiar.most likely she has no love for her self and has no idea what being loved feels like.there are many reasons people do stupid things and it's nice you showed her some love,but I bet she turned on you and protected her abuser.sorry but if she doesn't want change there will be none.with all the media coverage of these types of things and programs for women out here she can get out.she needs serious counseling.

Answer 7

I myself grew up in the same situation, being a child it is very scary. As l got older l used to ask my mother why she put up with it. Her answer to me was that there were no pensions then to help you raise your children, so she sort of felt trapped. Also my father always threatened her that he would track her down and kill her. I don't believe he would have but he certainly had my mum bluffed. My father was never abusive to us kids but mum always copped it especially if he had been drinking. I always said l would never allow my kids to go through what l put up with growing up, it was very upsetting to watch your mum being belted around and l never did. My husband new from the start that if he ever hit me l would be long gone. I don't know why women put up with it now though, there are refuges and pensions to help with your kids and your own welfare and peace of mind.I guess growing up in an abusive household probably did me some good in some ways, it made me very strong and determined never to put myself or my kids through that sort of torment ever again. Some people say that some women enjoy being hit and l must agree with what l have seen it seems to be the case. My mother was afraid of my father but sometimes l get annoyed with her for putting us kids through everything. I used to tell her she is an adult she can make her own choices but the poor kids just have to cop it sweet, we had nowhere to go.The sad part is my sister pretty much followed in my mums footsteps and put her kids through quite a few years of hell.I can't really recall my mum defending my father but it is possible that she did. When l was very young l used to defend my dad, l felt sorry for him and couldn't understand why people didn't like him, it wasn't until l got older that l realised why. In all fairness to my dad (god love him, he passed away 3 years ago at age 67) regardless of what he did he was still my dad and l did love him. I just had a hard time liking him sometimes. Hope this has helped you to understand a little. Just be careful with your neighbour, you don't want to be his next victim, but thanks for caring. ps My mum stayed with my dad till the very end. She could not bring herself to leave him and he did mellow in the end. Thank god.

Answer 8

FEAR!!..he has probably threatened her life if she leaves. He has also not only beated her down physically but most likely emotionally so she thinks she deserves to be hit and beat up. Me personally i would dare a man to hit me..i would be on the phone to the cops and have him arrested so fast his head would spin. My ex came at me one christmas morning like he was gonna swing at me..I got up and stood my ground and told him to go ahead but he would be calling his family from the jail house on christmas day. No man ever has the right to hit a woman. if she is your friend you should continue to talk to her and let her know she doesnt deserve that not now not ever. she deserves much better. there is only so much you can do tho if she is determined to stay. she has to come to a point where she is strong enough to say NO MORE and leave.

Answer 9

well, women stay in those relationships for many reasons that include


fear out of what he may do if she decides to leave

bearing in mind, these men are manipulative and controlling, so she may fear that she cannot live her life independantly from him

also, as strange as it may sound, she may still love him and hopes and believes that he will one day change

the best thing is not to judge these women..but try to support them, understand them and help them in any way you can

these women have low self esteem and the last thing they need is someone judging them

Answer 10

My brother has a wonder full girlfriend who does everything for him, and yet he treats her like sh*t he hits her, calls her every name under the sun and treats her like his personal slave, i asked her why she sticks around and puts up with it and all she said was because she Love's him, i don't get it how can you love someone who treats you like crap, we have tried to help them out but things just go back to the same way, i gave up a long time ago you can't help those you wont help themselves...