My girlfriend is suffering from depression, what can i do...?

Question

to help her? I've managed to get her to the doctors and he just basically said that medication is the last resort and to see how she feels in a few weeks, but day in day out i see her upset, depressed and with no motivation at all, if i try to push her to get up and do something she gets angry because she doesnt feel like doing anything, and then she gets even lower than before. She has lost her appetite and is not letting me get so close to her, but she has pushed everyone else away much more, so i need to be here for her, please somebody give me the answer on what do i do to help her quickly get out of this stage. I managed to get her out of the house last weekend when i suprised her with a weekend away, and she seemed better then, but once we got home she was back to the same again. How do i just get my happy cheerful girfriend back?

It seems to have come around from stress at work, but from this it seems that lots of little things now seem to have been blown way out of proportion, and she says that there are loads of things worrying her, she is signed off work at the moment but she panics at the thought of going back. When i suggest she should leave and find something else and less stressful she gets more wound up and says that there is nothing else that she can do, or wants to do.

Answer 1

The only way is to find the cause of her stressfull situation and deal with the problems.

Answer 2

I've been in the same situation as your girlfriend and when i went to the doctor i was prescribed anti-depressants, which did work after a few months, but what i really needed was some counselling. I think you should ask her if she would like to see a counsellor or a psychotherapist. Its much easier to talk to someone like that about your problems, as they don't know you and you can tell them things you might not feel you can talk to loved ones about. I think she probably needs to do that. All you can do is be there for her and listen to her if she wants to talk. Don't take it personally if she doesn't want to talk about her problems with you. Its very difficult to talk about why you feel depressed. All the symptoms you have described, sound to me like some form of depression. Its exactly how i felt when i suffered from it. It sounds like you are a very good boyfriend to her and there isn't much else you can do except be there for her and suggest counselling. At the end of the day, she has to decide that she wants to do something about it. I think medication should definitely be a last resort. An alternative to traditional anti-depressants is St. John's wort, which is very successful in treating mild depression. I would recommend that she speaks to her doctor about it first though. I hope this has been of some help and that your girlfriend gets better soon.

Answer 3

hiya i too have suffered from depression and i have just finished taking tablets after taking them for 3 years. You may find that counselling may help her. I too felt the same as her and didnt really want to do anything - but it is true what the doctor is saying they don't tend to give out medication for depression until last. You could go to the surgery and inquire about other services which may help as I don't think the doctor will talk to you personally (confidentiality reasons). There may be various leaflets etc. I actually ended up seeing a psychatric nurse but in the end it is up to your girlfriend - all you can do is respect her decisions - if she doesn't want to do things and you push her she may go deeper into depression so I would suggest to take things easy with her and just support her. It may seem impossible but she will get better in the end.
I dont know if any of this helps?????
All the best xxxx

Answer 4

If you can try and talk to her and find out why she is feeling this way, maybe you can get to the root of the problem, what ever you do don't push her it will only make her feel worse, just be patient, give her plenty of attention as you have said the weekend away helped her, has something happened in the house? she may need some counselling. Just let her know you are there for her, you must love her very much, Good Luck

Answer 5

How do you know she is suffering from depression? There are a number of mental illnesses or physical conditions that could be the root cause of her symptoms. I would urge her to see a psych asap. But if weightloss becomes a prolem you might need to see a doc first. Drugs are not the only answer, however. There are several homeopathic methods you can employ. Omega 3 fish oil supplements come to mind. That would be a good start while waiting for an appointment because I have no doubt that it will take several weeks or more. If she makes any comments about taking her life, joking or not, you need to take her to the ER. Good luck and be strong.

Answer 6

that's a tough one, sorry to hear she is feeling so miserable. Sounds like she got into a real depressed mood... As her doc said to wait a few weeks to decide if this is a passing stage or that a medication would be in order, I gather she has not been this depressed for very long. If she does not have a history of periods of depression, there "must" be a reason for this sudden change. If she really does not know what caused this, she might think of talking to a professional. Or, if she does not want to do that, she might try to find out by herself. It's not easy, because the cause apparently went down into her subconscious.
I remember being in that state, and getting slightly annoyed because I missed my "real self". I started writing down the parts of my life: study, career, finances, living conditions, relationships with family... and I came up with "nothing wrong!".. until I realized I was evading one topic: love life. At the time I was in a relationship that looked good, but there was a hitch: the guy could not really commit himself, and I was hoping (and had been confident for a looooong time!) I would be able to change that. So there... that was the one "corner" in my mind that I had not raked.. It did take some courage to acknowledge it, and then do something about it.. but once I found out what "corner" of my mind I was evading exploring, I immediately felt better.. and when I did do something about it I soon got my own "self" back.
I hope for her (and for you) she will be able to find out what caused this. Good luck to her (and to you)!

Answer 7

That sounds like a really tough situation to be in. There's not much you can do, just be there for her. You need to try and find out what's started it all and what's making her feel like this but she'll probably take a while to open up about it - just make sure she knows you're there for her and you want to help (I'm guessing she will know this because you managed to get her to the doctor) but keep giving her the support you have been. Probably the most important thing is that you, her friends and her family continue to be there if she needs them - she might seem to be shunning you all but this could be just to help her see who's really there and who's willing to help her. It sounds harsh but try not to overdo it on weekends away etc - by all means surprise her with stuff but remember it's only a short term solution.

Sorry I can't be of too much help but just be there and try to help by finding out what's wrong first and then work on it from there.

Good luck.

Answer 8

You need to be patient and keep being there for her. Don't hassle her.

First try to think of things that she will enjoy that you can bring to her - favourite food on tray in small amounts; favourite music; a happy film on DVD; something lovely for her bath.

Secondly, when you are at work or out, send her text messages saying you love her.

The weekend away was a good idea; and now you can remind her if she does not want to go out that she had a good time then. But don't hassle her to go out all the time, maybe just once a week.

See if you can find an activity that you can do together - something simple like doing a crossword or jigsaw or you read something to her. Bring her flowers and encourage her to arrange them. It is important that she maintains a connection to people and to activities, and you can help her do that.

Never say that she looks bad but be encouraging. Say things like "you look even nicer with your hair up/down". Even if she does not feel like talking to family & friends she will be glad to know that they care. So see if you can get nice messages to pass on from them. Maybe arrange a trip to the cinema to see something that is your girlfriend's taste - tell her before you go out that she looks lovely and you are so proud of her.

Her condition is not her fault, she is understandably stressed about work and feeling low, but if it persists then do encourage her to go back to the doctor. Never make her feel guilty; that will only make things worse.

Good luck!

Answer 9

I've been in her position many times. I snap out of it eventually by my own free will. It is possible that paying her attention and letting her be down is enabling her behaviour. Re-identifying with something you love or are passionate about is a good way to get back on the path. Find out or realise what it is for her, maybe it's music (go to a concert ar show) art, whatever, just get her doing something you know she loves even if she thinks its pointless. A weekend away perks anyone up but if you are already down it can be torture going back to your everyday life. Even though I know that there is such a thing as clinical depression, a counsellor once told me that you only depress yourself. That is to say that keeping your mind on your mind and problems can be very harmful. Distraction and reconnecting with what she is passionate about can work wonders. Ignore the anger and know that you are doing it out of love. Get her up and moving. I am very wary of medication. It is overly prescribed.

Answer 10

First of all Medication should be a last resort, after trying everything else. I suggest you buy a book about overcoming depression so you can begin to understand how she is feeling and can help her. She may also want to read the book. Try find a GP who will not stick a prescription in your hand to get you out of his office as fast as he can. Rather therapy may be far more helpful, even if it is not the easy way out.

Answer 11

Instead of trying to treat the symptoms, firstly you should try and treat the cause. Why is she depressed? Have you sat down and spoken to her? If she won't tell you what the problem is, then maybe she needs to go to someone neutral or a professional like a psychiatrist or counsellor. By talking about her problems and trying to resolve them, maybe then the depression will lift.
I hope that you are able to help your girlfriend and I would agree that medication should be the last resort.

Good luck and all the best