My husband has had over 7 affairs all lasting over 1yr starting 16 mths within the marriage and we've been married for 7 yrs.We have almost totally stopped talking and sex is out the door.He does not want me to talk to friends,parents or even my pastor about our marriage because he thinks it is our private business but yet he is not willing to resolve anything.After I had a 6 mth emotional affair with someone after 3 yrs of being rejected,neglected and verbally abused things became worse with physical abuse and boldly cheating on me with other women.He has emotionally moved out and tells me nothing.He has told his family except parents and friends that he wants to leave the marriage and has someone else.All these people know this woman and he has even started carrying our kids there and call her aunty.
I love my husband and I do not understand how i can be so easily substituted.How is it that I can forgive his cheating and compromise he can't?
All his friends think he is so great
2006-11-11 23:42:58 · 16 answers · asked by JUSEve 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do not know what the problem was.Iworke fulltime.I took care of house and kids and made my self available to his needs as best as I could and accomadated my in laws for over 2 yrs.He said to stop treating him like a king because he is just a man and will disappoint me.Then he said that these women gave him all of their attention.Mind you they had either no kids,grown up kids or family was taking care of their kids.
2006-11-11 23:57:59 · update #1
This man has his wife at home looking after his kids and getting all the great jobs like tidying up after him and washing his stuff, while his other women get all his attention. He knows he is in the wrong and that is why he is not speaking to anyone about it, but knows you will put up with it. Can you honestly see this relationship changing into the relationship you really want - totally forgiving him? probably not. You are not getting anything positive from this situation and your children will become confused with who this woman is. Stand up for you and your family (your children) and get him out. As for his friends thinking he is great -well who cares about them. At least he will have plenty of options of where to move to when you tell him to leave.
2006-11-15 02:11:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sad to hear of your plight. From what you say you are a domestic servant charged with keeping his house and rearing the kids and little else. This is not any sort of marriage partnership as far as I can see. You may love him but he very clearly does not love you. You only have one life and you should not waste any more of yours in this sort of slavery.
Find someone who will cherish and love you and leave your husband to his fancy women! Once they have to do the domestic chores and look after him I am sure he will seem much less attractive to them!! The children might seem an issue but take it from me they will be much happier when removed from the difficult environment you have. If you want your children to grow up and be happy then you should have a relationship with a partner which shows them how its done.
I wish you well and hope you can sort out your life so that you can find happiness and love.
2006-11-12 08:38:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a pushover. It is harsh but true. Get rid of this loser before he makes you feel even worse. You cannot truly love a person like this you are just too anxious about what would happen you without him. you are too dependent on him and for your own sake you need to get out of this relationship fast. He is not worth the air you breathe and you must realise this. His cheating at this stage is unforgiveable and I really feel for you. Take yourself and your kids out of this abusive loveless marriage and turn to family or friends. You will find so much better deserving of your kind nature and don't feel vulnerable or insecure. Be confident and you will have a new lease on life without this loser dragging you down. I wish you the best of luck
2006-11-12 07:59:08 · answer #3 · answered by miami180985 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is a sticky situation. First let me start off by telling you what you don't want to hear, but already know. You know he can live happily ever after without you, because he is living happily now with the other women. And yes, yes it's true that you love him, but.... You really need to love yourself more. If you loved yourself you would know that you are great!
A great, beautiful women that hundreds of men would love to have by their side even if only for 5 minutes, just to hear your voice and to be comforted by your smile. But all that means nothing if you don't realize your own worth.
You need to watch a movie call my best friends wedding with Julia Roberts, funny movie, but I want you to watch it for this one part in the movie. I will never for get it, and it has helped me in relationships.. The groom is chasing his wife, Julia is chasing the groom, but her friend sees this and asks her "who is chasing you, he is chasing the one he wants, and that person is not you" same thing with your husband.
Why, why don't you love yourself enough to stop hurting yourself, hurting yourself with the hope that you and he can make it work. he has been doing this for 7 years, he doesn't want you.
No you can't be easily substituted, but as long as you keep chasing him, he won't need to realize that you can't be replaced, because you'll still be there, you, him, and his sexy new thing, that's gets all of your should be attention..
Like I said you know what to do and what is best, you just for some reason don't want to do it. Have you ever had or know of someone to have a old raggedy car, but they just keep dumping money into it to fix it up, yet it keeps breaking down, with the money they put into that car they could have had two brand new cars, but they always say.... "I've had this car so long, it means so much to me, we've been though a lot together"... let the car go, let him go. Get someone new who would treat you right. Until you decide to finally do it, mine and everyone elses words are just that... words! You keep asking and complaining about it, because you want to release the emotional pressure or your going to burst, but that's all you want for now is just to have someone to cry to and a shoulder to lean on, you don't want anything else, no matter what you say.
Your just lying to yourself, because you've seen too many made for T.V movies and things and called those women stupid or foolish and told yourself that it would never happen to you, your to smart and respect yourself to much, so you wouldn't let it happen to you, and now that it is happening, you and tryingt to justify your staying with him.
I know what I'm saying sounds hard and harsh, but I've seen your story so so so many times and all the women think like you and all the women find a reason not to leave or a reason to think that there is still hope and that he will change... Just leave him. Start focusing on making your "Happy ever after"
Hope this helped
2006-11-12 08:35:42 · answer #4 · answered by qwy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
guess what he is only great because you thing so little of yourself
time to move on
who care if he lives happily ever after which I douth man like that have mental problem believe me this man can't & will not be happy
If i was your sister I would have beat you and after drag you to see a therapist because something must be very wrong with you to still love this man
Go get some therapist & move one
by the way file for divorce before he does
Again he will not leave happily ever after
2006-11-12 08:09:52 · answer #5 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, I'm sorry to hear this, sometimes men can be so cruel...no matter how much you love him have some pride and respect for yourself and move out...stand strong get help from friends and family to help you move...he doesn't want you telling people because he knows what he is doing wrong and doesn't want to be seen in a bad light...think of yourself and your kids you deserve to be happy and cherished and loved do yourself a favour move out get counciling for the way he treated you and made you feel and when you feel strong enough emotionally start dating again, i was in a busive relationship for 6 years i was scared to leave as he threatened to kill me but i did in the end and now i have been happily married for 7 years with children there are decent guys out there who will treat you wonderfully please leave this jerk and find love and happiness....good luck and stay safe and strong...
2006-11-12 08:22:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, so you stayed through the first affair, maybe because he said he would never do it again. Then, he did, again and again and again, and so on and so forth. My question to you is do you think so little of yourself that you cannot pack his belongings, sit them outside, let him pick them up and them run your butt to the nearest lawyer and file for divorce? Don't let him make you feel like you owe him something not one minute more. Stop treating him as if he has done nothing wrong. This is sad but he has never been commited to only you....think about that.
2006-11-12 08:18:58 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happily ever after????
Grow up there is no happily ever after there is only hard work and after raising kids marriage is gonna be the hardest job you have ever had. You let him treat you like this for years now you want to wake up. Leave his as* if you must but stop whining and make a decision for once in your life stand up for yourself.
2006-11-12 08:28:47 · answer #8 · answered by Chillypepers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are both in the wrong. you shouldn't be forgiving him. You kno why t is so easy for him to forget about you...because he never loved you he stopped 16 months into th marriage. He already gave you the answer to this question. its harsh news but you need a wakup call dont fogive-FORGET
2006-11-12 07:49:35 · answer #9 · answered by mnm4213 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems he has answered that question for you. Why are you still trying? It's over, move on with your life. You deserve better than him.
2006-11-12 07:53:58 · answer #10 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋