I am preparing a class on marraige. What are things that have brought you to divorce or considering it?
Was there another person involved, either physically or emotionally? (office spouse?)
Did he or she spend too much time working? Too much time with friends?
Did he or she degrade you or compare you to others?
2006-11-11 23:24:06 · 14 answers · asked by Miss Vicki 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well Matthew, you are welcome to come. If you're going to eat, please bring enough for everyone
2006-11-11 23:58:51 · update #1
Can i answer yes to all of the above?
The reasons why i considered divorcing my husband stemmed from alot of issues that werent cleared up through communication, the things that came after that - were like a chain reaction....but i will start at the beginning.
My husband and i met for the second time, about 6 years ago, (having already met him before about 10years ago.)
initially things went well, we had fun, went out, visited friends, generally just did things that couples do.....
About three years ago, he and his friends were unfairly dismissed from a job they all worked at, and decided upon opening a company of their own....originally this meant long hours, but eased of after about a year, which i completely understood, i knew he had to work so that we could have the things we wanted, we also decided to get married around this time also...which meant i was also very busy, (due to the fact that i also ran a full time business myself), so aside from us both working full time, there were wedding plans to see to as well.
Around the time we decided to get married, was when the problems started, he was staying later and later at work, i my calls when i asked him to come home, (mind you this is at 10.30 at night), and just generally stopped telling me anything......
We were fighting all the time, because i felt i was being kept in the dark about things, he was constantly berating me and putting me down, because things werent being done around our home(we both worked 6 days a week at this time), he was refusing to listen to me, and i never heard about what kind of day he had although i asked quite often, all in all it was a major lack of communication on his part, he was getting feedback from me about my daily life, but i was geting nothing in return.....I put up with alot from him for a long time.....hoping things would improve......
Two years ago we got married, even though i was well aware there were still issues, we did it anyway, hoping some commitment might change things....it did for a while......soon we were back to the same old issue where he just wasnt communicating.
One day about a year and a half ago, he came home early telling me he had a headache, and went straight to bed, i left him alone, for about an hour, after a while i went to check on him, and found he was crying like a baby balled up on our bed....very confused and bewildered i went to him to find out what was happening.....which is where i found that there had been hassles at work (which had been going on for sometime, but nobody knew, as he wouldnt speak to anyone about it.) , he told me that one of his closest friends was going to be getting the sack (fired), and as he was CEO of the company didnt know how to tell them.......At this point i sat him down and said to him, you need to tell *David*, what is happening so that he can be prepared.....
As it goes *David* got fired, and as he was pre warned, moved into another position straight away, with his own business, through financial backing from my husband and myself, on the premise that my husband would also leave and join him as soon as he could.......
This was just over a year ago....*David's* business is now flourishing, doing much better than my husband or his other co- workers ever thought he could......Initially i was spending the occasional day there helping out when i could so that things werent so hectic for *David*, in that time, he and i have become very close, close to the point where his girlfriend has accused us of having an affair....(it hasnt happened....) because we enjoyed each others company so much, and the fact that we felt that we were the only ones being honest with anyone.....In this time i have found myself to be deeply in love with *David*, and its not because we have planned it, or that we wanted to hurt anyone, it has just happened, out of respect for my husband and *David* and his girlfriend, there is no way that i could over step the boundaries, even if it turned out that he felt the same way....as i am still married, how ever i look at it and the current situation......I am currently in the process of filing for divorce from my husband, if and/or when i go through with it, i will choose to be by myself, until i am sure that i am doing what is right. What comes after that i dont know.....
Factors for my divorce
- lack of communication
- husband working long hours (no physical or emotional attachment as we dont really know who the other person is)
- mental and emotional anguish through the stress and worry of not having the "connection" needed to maintain a marraige
- I dont feel the same about him when we met, I love him, but am not in love with him.....(i get more emotional support from his friends, which isnt a good thing.....)
- no emotional support from his family....after 5 years we still dont connect.....
2006-11-12 00:04:27 · answer #1 · answered by Mintjulip 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i guess there is always that little dream of something better somewhere else. getting married, realize that you will have these thoughts & feelings come into your head. your spirit always wants to explore and be excited with new adventures. if you act on these feelings & lie or hide it from your sinificant other you will find a divorce. share your thoughts and working 2gether through them should work. it's ok to keep some things in your dream world, the reality is never what you think it will be anyway.
my wife left with my 2 year old boy about a week ago after a huge cell phone bill with guys calling as soon as i left for work. let the guys know that there rights are slim to none with a child. comming home to an empty house not sure where your child is or wife now is my struggle. if i would have been asked a week and a day ago, i would of bragged about my family. now nothing. is sleeping and eating in your class #2. sign me up.you are doing a great service with 50% failure rate. good luck.
2006-11-12 07:54:13 · answer #2 · answered by matthew m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't have self confidence in myself and "settled" because I didn't think I could do better. (I was only 21)
He has little or no work ethic
he is lazy
he lacks personal hygiene
he lacks self control in many issues (spending, eating, hobbies, etc)
sarcasm is laid on pretty thick
cutting comments
has online personals ads on various websites
overly jealous for no reason
not honest and/or stretches the truth
puts people down to make himself look better
wants to keep up with the Joneses but doesn't want to work for it.
games online all day long
blames others for his problems instead of looking inside to figure out what is wrong and try to make an effort to correct them
thinks the world is out to get him.
puts down your church/religion
criticizes family
doesn't make an effort to socialize with anyone and complains when no one wants to do anything with him
Does not help take care of the children.
2006-11-12 07:43:08 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorced. I walked in on my spouse in bed with another guy. She thought I was to work all day but I ended up getting a stomach virus and came home early and WHA-LA, I caught her. I had no prior suspicions. The guy was someone she met who was a customer at the bank she where she worked. We had a very civil marriage and did not fight and always got along beautifully. Who knew!
Talk about destroying your trust!
2006-11-12 07:32:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm getting a divorce, although we haven't filed yet due to various reasons, the least of which that there was/is a restraining order against him, and we had to resolve issues of visitation first.
Been married for 12 years - separated for 4 months.
His alcoholism, lies, and anger led to our demise. He is a big time binge drinker, the life of the party until we're alone, then all of his pent-up anger is unleashed on me. Things have been escalating for years, until finally, when a weapon and physical abuse was involved, I said enough is enough.
2006-11-12 09:13:28 · answer #5 · answered by in love love love... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only time I really consider divorce is when i think about how much both of us missed out on, especially him. we married at very young ages, him 18, and me 17. I know that even though he cares about me he still wishes he could turn back time and experience all the things (and other women) he missed out on.
2006-11-12 08:09:40 · answer #6 · answered by Violet 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my case I do everying and am tired of being "the boss". i am the wife, I do all bills, all cleaning, all child rearing, all laundry, all yard cleaning. He works and I do too, but I am still expected to do it all. He comes up and hits the couch, watch tv all night, all weekend. The teamwork of raising a family and home are missing. And I have let him get to this point. I have to break the habit. He resents me for being the boss, however I don't even want the job. I want this to be a partnership. I don't want to be his mother. "no you can't have that we don't have money" "Will you please cut the grass" Then when I ask him to help he says "what do you want me to do" I want to scream 'WHO IN THE WORLD TELLS ME WHAT TO DO " I am a grown up and you have to figure it out, I don't want to be the order giver and then be resented for it. I think resentment for things like this lead up to all the other reasons, cheating (wanting to feel like a woman/man again), abuse, abandonment, lack of sex, etc.
2006-11-12 07:50:16 · answer #7 · answered by heidifreckles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just loss of spark, I am not divorced, but I just wish there was more in my marraige. Been together far 15 years.
2006-11-12 07:28:33 · answer #8 · answered by I'm In Love With Delicious 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm divorced.
Communication and the ability to accept the other's opinions, desires, dreams, and shortcomings.
If people could learn these simple things, there would be no divorce.
2006-11-12 07:35:32 · answer #9 · answered by stratplayer1967 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My stbx wife has borderlien personality disorder (I was the hero or the villian, unacceptible rages, inappropriate responses to lifes little problems etc.) she finally went to far and I left.
2006-11-12 12:23:19 · answer #10 · answered by Johnboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am divorced
it was becoz he wanted me to get his mom in my ouse which i did want becoz the time i was it her was living hell my dad toke a house for us he husband did not work i was the person to take care of all his expences and he want me to do the same for his mom i could not take it
and worst he did was after leaving me he sporead that i have and affair with my boss, that y i got divorced
2006-11-12 07:40:09 · answer #11 · answered by simran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋