help iam so stressed out! what will help me??

Question

Iam a wife and a mother to a beautiful girl who is 16 months old. We both work full time and the baby is in private nursery. We have just bought a new house and i feel like walking away from it all. I have 2 pet dogs and there driving me nuts as i am sick of cleaning up all the time after them. My husband will not get rid of them but its not him who sees to the dogs. Cleaning the home its me thats does it all the time. Iam constanly under stress and my husband has'nt got a clue! He says hes been to work! and hes tired but come weekends hes at footy. Iam at home cleaning up and seeing to his daughter. I get no time to myself or to my friends. Ive took time off work but the way things are giong iam going to get the sack and iam not that bothered. I dont know what to do? ive been the doctors and hes given me pills but i dont want a life like that.

He does know how iam feeling. I start to cry and break down and he promises me everything and does for a while helps me out. The its back to square one! Iam stressed and sad.

His mother and father paid people to do things in there home. My mum was a single parent so we had to do the things are selfs. Ive tried so hard to be a good wife and mum. Ive lied too everyone that iam ok and handling the situation fine. Iam not iam screaming inside and i know i need help with things. It got so bad that one time i took an over dose, But i am here still.

I know if i carry this on any longer iam going to make myself very ill. Now i dont feel like eating as iam never hungry, Iam depressed, Losing weight and ive notice my hair is falling out. I just wish id met a man who looked after me x

I really like to thank every one for all there support. Ive never had so much support from any one like this before. Ive had a good talk and told him the dogs have to go or if he has to take full responsiblity off them. The cleaning sitituation is my problem as i have OCD and i get that stressed out i cant cope. Ive opened up and he now knows that and hes dealing with it. I do love the lazy sod as ive suffered alot in my past, Hes the only one that has stood by me. Thank you all xxxxxxxx

Answer 1

Hi Janine e,,

You have got it bad, I can only agree with a lot of the answers you've had, but would add I've been there TWICE!!! it doesn't get any better. I'm nearly 50 and totally on my own, lonely, isolated, no hubby, no friends, and my two grown up lads have their own life. I just keep hoping something is better around the corner. You don't mention your age, if you are young enough and have got time on your side, get out girl and leave him to it, he'll either make or break but as many people have answered, don't be a doormat for a man or dogs, look after yourself and your daughter first, cos she'll always be there for you. Girls are more loving and attached than boys and usually Mum and daughter end up as best mates, which is more than can be said for son's!! Don't take pills like prozac etc, they are only a temporary solution that dulls the pain, try herbal as someone already suggested or essential oils, lavender is a great calmer. I really do wish you luck. X

Answer 2

Your situation is really sad. You are not alone in that flight, there are so many working women around the world who feels the same specially if the guy they married is the usual stereo type. If talking to him works only for a while (which is so usual on men), then tell him that he is just only doing what he is saying for a very short time and you are already tired of all the things that you are doing everyday. You are both working so it is just normal that you two will have to do the household chores. Taking care of a kid is really stressful, although very rewarding, he too should share in taking care of the kid. Tell him that you are getting rid of the dogs. If he doesn't want to then he should take care of them TOTALLY. If he tells you that he is tired working the whole day then so as you so if he has the right to relax then why can't you. If he can't help you with that then you have to tell him that he should provide you with someone who can do the things that he doesn't want to do. Good luck! ... by the way, try eating chocolates (blackforest cake works for me), it will make your day bright. Don't forget to smile...that too will make wonder.

Answer 3

I feel so sorry for you. You cannot go on like this as you are going to make yourself very ill. Your husband is a selfish b......d. I think you need to take stock of things and decide whether or not you want to carry on working full time. If you don't then give it up (if you can afford to do so) which will solve your immediate problem. Then you can insist your husband babysits while you have a night out with girls on a regular basis as he goes to the footie. If you are both working then the housework and childmind should be shared equally. Your husband chooses not to take too much notice that you are making yourself ill. Give him an ultimatum if all else has failed and tell him that it is 50/50 or you give up your job. He might think twice when he knows the joint income is going to be halved. You can also tell him what the Doctor has said if you havn't already. Pills is not the answer, a change of lifestyle is and I think hubbie needs a short, sharp shock. Good luck and I do so hope you will be feeling better soon.

Answer 4

Get rid of the dogs! Give them to a family member,a friend,until you can cope. Explain the situation, if no one you know will help you out, put them up for adoption. These pets will and are interfering in your personal life and your Psyche - pills are not the answer - you need relief --- talk to your mom,sister or your minister. If YOUR not happy no one will be, your daughter will suffer the most, your marriage and your already thinking your going to "canned" at work. Don't let it get any worse... Set your priorities, and do it! NOW! My only other solution is to CAGE the dogs, but that is no way for an animal to spend his life. Trust me, it won't take long for someone to want your dogs and tell your husband, that down the road, when yours and his life are better settled, you can always get another pet. In the meantime, live without any pets, your daughter,the house and all that goes with it, are ENOUGH for you at the present time... Good Luck my wee one - your on the right path -- now DO IT! and don't take NO for an answer.

Answer 5

I have lived that same life, except I have 3 boys. You have to pick your priorities. Obviously your daughter is #1, she's safe during the day, so relax and do your job. #2, your home and your personal time in the evenings. Obviously you have dogs to deal with, what exactly are you cleaning up? I suggest you don't clean up anything that you don't neeed right away. Your house will get cleaned on the weekends, let it go. DON"T FRET OVER HOUSE CLEANING! Your daughter will be grown up and you will miss stuff while you are scrubbing the toilet. Pick what is important and don't sweat the small stuff. Put the dogs outside in a kennel. Lay down the law with the dogs.. Let the dishes pile, he will either see them and get tired of looking, or you will get to them when you can. What bad will happen if you don't do the dishes? sweep the floor? NOTHING!!!

or IF you want to be proactive, make a list with two sides, "chores for the week" one side yours, one side his. Put your priorities on the the top of your list, and throw some on his side, split them down the middle. Then add the extras on to the bottom of both lists. "things that would be nice to get done this week" you can add to it, scratch it out. And then simply say "honey, I have been unable to get all this stuff done every week, I really need you to do these things on your side so that we can have some more free time to things with little Mary. The list is on the fridge, thanks!" Leave it at that!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do your side only.... DO NOT DARE DO ONE OF HIS CHORES, no matter how long it takes him to get with the program.. months of trash piled on the front porch.. I don't care and don't you either! Good luck!

Also - spend some time on yourself exercising (walking 30 min a day ) May take daughter in stroller every day after work. Take that time no matter what and it will help you feel better physically and mentally I promise!
And it sounds like maybe you need to salvage you and your daughter and leave. If you have taken pills to hurt yourself, the house, the dogs, the husband they aren't worth it. Money will come and go. save yourself and your daughter, go to friends/relatives, shelter, something and heal yourself. Your daughter will feel this depression, no matter how much you think you are hiding it. Babies feel this stuff, don't damage her with this, get help and help her! Just like those depression commercials say.. "depression hurts everyone" I know I have lived with a depressed mother and my husband was depressed for years.

Answer 6

Janine sounds like you need some quality Me time do you have a friend or relation you could visit. . That way he would see what a hand full his dogs are and how hard you work to clean up after them . You could build a dog run and place them in it that way they would only cause damage and mess to a smaller area I know its not exactly nice but a stretch of heavy wire running down one side of the yard to attach the dogs to and when he comes home he can let them off and walk his dogs until they are tired . Lay down the law if he wants to keep them then he needs to be responsible for them other wise call the pound .

Answer 7

You could get rid of the dogs but a good solution would be to show your husband what you actually do.. the best way to do that is to not do it ie his washing, ironing, toilet cleaning all those other rubbishy little jobs that you do around the house. What he has to realise is that you are now doing two full time jobs. I have three children and always went out to work now i have moved countries and stay at home and am always busy cooking and cleaning, I just don't know how i managed to fit it all in before (17 years) my younger children are 9 and 10 and it is still a full time job. Get your hubby off his backside and if he wants to keep the dogs get him to sort them out, you could also point out the yucky things your child could pick up (literally and disease wise) this may make him see sense

Answer 8

I am right there with you! You are not the only women out there who is stressed, although you feel like you are. I go through that all the time. I also have 2 little girls ages 5 and 7 and I work full time and come home, clean, help w/homework, clean, bathe the girls and oh yeah did I mention clean? My husband is a full time railroader (conductor) he is never home, so to be quite honest I do it alone...just like you. You however need to let your husband know how your feeling, if he doesnt want to help, pick up the car keys, leave the kids with him and if monies allow, treat yourself the afternoon to a day spa, make him know that he HAS to do it! You are letting him off to easy by always being there to take care of everything...you need your time away too! Good Luck!

Answer 9

I think you need more than just pills. Sounds like a serious postpartum depression that is intensifying.
Now consider:
A woman with
A two year old
one on the way
three roommates
husband
little money
two dogs, five cats and not all your's.
Finally, taking the time to bake a cake for an friend who is having a birthday and having his party at your small, cramped bungalow.
That's my friend. She just gets on with things, and you can too.
For now, a big hug, love your child and your dogs, they have done nothing wrong. And even your husband.

Answer 10

your taking too much on! wow you have got your work cut out for you. deal with one thing at a time starting with your selfish husband, stand firm and tell him what is what else your gonna do something you will regret cuz in situations like this we end up flipping! the dogs can be rehomed that isnt a problem. what is a problem is your selfish husband. and well done for providing a good life for your daughter by working. try to keep your job as you will end up more down than u already are now. good luck x