My huband works alot. Really alot. He works almost 16 hours a day. with 2 days off a week. I work too. but only mon-fri and 4 hours a day. We also have 3 children and I go to school at night. See we have this plan and if we do this for one year we will be able to put it into action. I will graduate soon w/ B.A. and then he will be able to condense his hours to only 10 hrs.He is a good man and has always taken care of us. But i am so lonely. when he is off he is so tired that he practically sleeps all day, and I want him to have his rest. we have not spent much time together in the last 3 months. when I feel like this I want to fuss at him and then it makes matter worse. I want to be patient but I have needs too. ( not sexually intended) I just want him to realize that we don't have to lose us while building us you know. So am I selfish?
2006-11-11 18:52:27 · 12 answers · asked by want-my-advice 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No you are not selfish...just lonely!
Continue to remind yourselves why you are taking the path you have decided to take...FOR YOUR FAMILY! Don't lose sight of that...I'm sure you heard it before...but try to make some family time...your not the only one feeling neglected...
Your hard work will pay off soon...
Take care and Good Luck :)
2006-11-11 19:01:15 · answer #1 · answered by Lovely 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no. I mean, he's doing it for you. For your family. It's realyl hard on him to, so you fussing at him will only tear the two of you apart and make each of you resent the other.
I am kind of in the same boat. My husband works seven days a week and had not had a day off in almost 14 weeks. It's really tiring and I am home raising our son by myself, but I just have to keep reminding myself - this isn't fun for him.
I can't resent him like he's neglecting me because he's sout working really hard to provide for us and the things we've either grown accusom to having or things we need.
This to will pass.
Once it does pass, you will both be so much more happy if you haven't built a wall between the two of you. Just be thankful for the time you can spend with him, and be thanksful he's such a good man and so willing to work that hard.
2006-11-12 13:00:50 · answer #2 · answered by Jax 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO your not. my job had caused the same situation and i had to finally make a decision between the two of them. my job of over 5yrs and my wife and kids. my family won but alittle too late, were seperated right now, and now with 2 seperate houses we really have no time to be together. there as to be priorities and i believe family should be #1 but also be realistic and talk about it. is this going to change in the future? is he doing it for the family? dont let it turn into what i did, we started just being roommates and passing in the hall when we were both home at the same time. you need to spend time together, have fun without the kids, and ALWAYS remember why u got married in the first place. like my wife told me before she left, "she'd rather have a husband and be poor, than have money and just sleep next to someone who she doesn't know" DON'T LET THIS GET OUT OF CONTROL! make sure you get thru to him what you need. if possible tell him you want one night a week atleast with no distractions. take control, you plan a date(s).
2006-11-12 15:15:40 · answer #3 · answered by idoj 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a wonderful plan to fulfill your goals. No, you are not selfish. It's possible to squeeze a little time together into your very busy lives. Make a "date night" at least once every two weeks, even if it's only going to McDonalds together (without the kids) for hamburgers, conversation, laughter, hugs. Remember that when you do graduate and he is able to reduce his work load, things will
get better. Happy days ahead! Good luck.
2006-11-12 03:36:07 · answer #4 · answered by ragged 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. Everyone has needs--emotionally and otherwise. Talk to him. Maybe you can find time to have a date night atleast once every 2 weeks. I'm sure you will be able to find 3 hours to spend together over dinner and a movie or something. Just talk to him before things get worse. Your feelings really matter.
2006-11-12 02:57:58 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get some counseling.
Many guys work so hard for a future for their family that they never live in the here and now. Then they are suprised when their spouse wants out.
Think of your marriage as a plant. If you never tend to it or water it - it will die.
Somehow you need to get across to him that you need to be fed by relationship or there won't be one.
When I was a new mother I was stuck at home with a baby and no car. My then husband worked long days went to school and then went to the library to study. He always said that someday when we were rich I would thank him . I never thanked him. He always lived for the future and never in the present. I left him 9 years ago and will never be thankful for his lack of attention to me and the kids. He paid a huge price for his money and job prestiege.
2006-11-12 04:03:36 · answer #6 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you have taken on too much and are feeling the strain of it. Could you get a babysitter and arrange to get away with your husband, even if it was just for a day? It sounds like you guys need some "together time" to recharge the batteries. (And no, I don't mean this sexually either, just time to remember why you fell in love.)
2006-11-12 03:13:06 · answer #7 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Save money for the days and surprise him a candle light dinner this week end at your suburb down town resort, in this way you may open talk to him about your future plans for your family. Just for fun recalling the lost memories you had been before and at the same time feeling honeymoon without your kids around you to disturb?
2006-11-12 03:08:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No your not,i really understand, and because of this realationships tend to sink,because of the lack of attention and love from that person a little arguement can make u say something u dont mean and it escalates.
2006-11-12 03:02:49 · answer #9 · answered by lesuiremike 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no its only human, well the holidays are coming up so will he get some time off for those maybe? it will be worth it though in the long run so just keep going you have made it a long ways already dont give up.
2006-11-12 02:56:55 · answer #10 · answered by chris b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋