My boyfriends parents and I had a lengthy dispute, and i decided its best not to go over..... much anymore. We are trying to get married, however job situation prevents us. Yesterday he said to me "no one should have to choose between their parents and their girlfriend" Its not like i refuse to see them, and ist that kinda what marriage is? If you didnt choose your girlfriend then you wouldnt be married. couples should be #1 to each other. However i feel like im #2 sometimes. What do i say to him to make him realize?
2006-11-11 16:49:55 · 18 answers · asked by Krystina C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's an overgrown baby who's still attached to his mother's womb. TRUST ME when I say that your marriage will be hell if he doesn't separate himself from them and get his own life.
2006-11-11 16:56:41 · answer #1 · answered by TrainerMan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First what was the fight about? Was it that serious that he is pulled from both direction? You can look at it many was but I think it might be easier to make peace with the parents. If you get married and have kids you don't want to have a tense relationship with them you want the kids to be close to both sets of grandparents. Now if you had not had problems with the parents and he felt that he had to choose then I would say you had a mama's boy. But in this case it sounds like you need to mend the fence before you get married or you will always have problems or may not manage to make it to the church. There are times we must win and be right and other times it is just not worth being right. Pick your battles.
2006-11-11 17:03:51 · answer #2 · answered by Nani 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First mistake, especially since you want too marry this guy was arguing with the parents. No one should have to choose between parents and girlfriend. Biblically you're #1 only when you are married.The WIFE comes before all others. So actually until you become the wife you do not come first. Unless you try to make amends with his parents, even after you get married, there is going to be problems. Don't make him choose between you and them, you might not win.
2006-11-11 17:08:47 · answer #3 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, there must be a balance in between, you should never ask him to choose, is not fair for him. I don't know how old are you but life teaches you that sometimes you need to give a little bit in order to gain a lot. I know that in-laws could be a pain but is up to you where you let them destroy you and your relationship, so ok they get on your nerves, they are very critical, etc, but if you just let them think that they are right, even though you don't agree with anything they say, believe me...you will have made peace, and after a while when they say something you don't like you won't feel like it hurts, be smart, mature and show them that you are the best girlfriend their son could have ever!! but don't make your boyfriend feel like he has to choose, is not fair!
2006-11-11 17:04:24 · answer #4 · answered by fun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from experience, there are two things that MUST happen before you even consider getting married.
1) You fix the job situation - one in which you both compromise some.
2) He stands up for you in front of his parents. If he does not do this you will never be his first priority.
You need to tell him these things. If he takes no action, then you are much better off taking the short-term painful route of breaking it off and finding someone else than taking the long-painful route of a second rate marriage.
2006-11-11 17:02:24 · answer #5 · answered by rrmorris45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. He should choose you over his parents, in the sense that he should stand up for you when his parents are rude to you! Obviously, on some level he feels like he still needs his mom and dad, and he probably isn't mature enough for a real relationship. I would seriously reconsider the marriage. You deserve better!
2006-11-11 18:01:47 · answer #6 · answered by iloveeeyore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a disaster when it comes to marriage. I would slow down and take some time before making that kind of a commitment. When you marry someone you marry their family too. The people you so dislike will be your precious children' s grandparents ... on and on. I don't know how old you are but give it some time.
Secondly, if he is so tied to his folks he isn't ready for the commitment and if you push him you are in for a disaster.
2006-11-11 17:00:22 · answer #7 · answered by Beth M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one should be made to choose between there parents and their girl friend. You don't just marry the guy you marry his family too. What is the problem that you can't get along? Don't make him choose, or you will loose.
2006-11-11 17:10:07 · answer #8 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear child,their is an old proverb that says "If you and your mother and wife were in a spot (like a boat going down) AND YOU COULD SAVE ONLY ONE, WHO WOULD IT BE? The answer is YOUR MOTHER! The reason being is you can have many wives over a lifetime but you will always have only one mother. My suggestion to you is to apologize to the parents or go down with the boat
2006-11-11 17:08:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i was ONCE married to a guy whos parents had a hold on him and that was one of the reasons we got divorced who would think my kids and i would have to compete w/ his parents
my family comes above all i love my parents but my current husband (my family) is what i will have untill i die and if your boyfriend dont feel that way then more than likely he will always be stuck to his mom so there really isent a future there for you sorry
2006-11-11 16:58:56 · answer #10 · answered by thehendersons_3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋