I don't agree with my husband career choice. What do i do?

Question

My husband has decided at 36 to get a degree, which I think is great. His career choice will get him a job working with computers. The problem is that his chosen field will start him out making around 20,000 less than he makes now. He is the main source of income for our family. I work full time but don't make anywhere close to what he does. I want him to be happy but I have medical problems and was hoping to cut back on some of my hours at work. I thought that when he finally completed his degree I could dut back and spend more time with my children. Am I just being selfish? How can I tell him to choose another career? Should I even tell him to pick something else? Please HELP

Answer 1

So he'll start out making less. Then in a few years he'll be back to making the same, if not more money than he was before. I think in this case you have to look at the long term picture and the potential benefits. He's going to have greater earning potential after getting his degree and he's also going to be happier because he'll be doing something that he wants to do. We spend 1/2 of our awake life at our job so it should be something that provides fulfillment. Obviously he wasn't content or he wouldn't be pursuing this course of action. Support him in this endeavour and you and your family will all reap the rewards. I do understand that the next few years will require some sacrifice and I'm sorry about your medical problems. Perhaps sitting down together and creating a budget would help. If you see the financial impact on paper, it might not be so daunting. I would also recommend going to see a marriage counsellor to help with this decision. Sometimes an impartial third party can help shed some light. Good luck. I hope it works out!

Answer 2

I thought about what you wrote - here's my view.

It's great that he wants to further himself by getting a degree. But getting into computers these days is more difficult than getting into Fort Knox. Some people think that a degree in computers is a golden ticket - in fact, without a LOT of experience or reallly high grades, he will probably have a hard time finding a job that will pay anything worth a darn. There are 21 year olds out there who are willing to work for $20,000 per year - that would kill me if we had to do that.

I would encourage him to go to school or even trade school or correspondence school, anything like that. But I wouldn't suggest doing something where the cut in pay would be so drastic. Unfortunately at this time, the family has to come first. And if you can't work full time for whatever reason, then he needs to bring home the bacon.

Good luck!!!!!!!

Answer 3

I wonder why your husband isn't allowed to make a change to benefit himself?
Just because he starts at 20k less doesn't mean that will always be the case.
You need to have an open, honest conversation about this, and see what the real issues are.
To say you want to be home with the kids more is an honorable choice, but your husband has put off higher education for 18 years! You have to find a common ground. Maybe cutting back on expenses, not education, would help.

Answer 4

His chosen field will not surely make him any less than he does now, it could make him 20,000 more or 20,000 less.

What does he do now? What kind of work with computers? Definitely don't tell him to pick something else. What would that accomplish, unless he often has these weird ideas about switching jobs.

So you agreed he could get his degree based on the assumption that you could work less?

Answer 5

You're not being selfish...you're just stating the facts. But in this case...honesty is the best policy. Tell him everything you said here. Come to some compramise. The market may say $20K less, but if he starts his own business he can set the price...God will work it out...just work together with him so that it's a win win for the entire family.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Its great that he is choosen to further his education.Its not really a good choice if it doesn't help his income though.The idea of getting more education is to advance to higher positions and achieve higher pay.It would be selfish of him to lesson his support of the family causing hardship for his on personal reasons.He should put the well being of his family first and make a better choice in what type of higher education he would like to learn for the betterment of himself and the family

Answer 8

You should look at the long haul which he may be doing. If he said he was going to medical school would you be so adament against it knowing your income would be less for a few years?

You may just have to sacrifice for a few years. Or go to a counselor to discuss this because monetary problems can ruin a marriage.

Answer 9

I'm Tina...I've been married for close to six years now and there are still some things that my husband does to urk me...sometimes you need to support your husband no matter how uncomfortable you feel..if you went back to school for a passion and you worked at a job you dont like then you would expect him to support you on your decision correct..think about it in his shoes...reverse the roles then you got your answer...would he support you if the shoe was on the other foot...in our lives we go around searching for a common ground to discover ourselves and thats what i think hes trying to do...are you getting acustom to him have 20,000 more all your life? believe me, 20,000 is a massive hunk of change but you need to support him...if you can show that you are woman enough to deal with the sacrifice til he gets on his feet in the career he wants then when you decide on something then he will support you at another time...Its a sacrifice and in the time that hes learning you might want to adjust your wants...its gonna hard with him being in school but if you can get over this hump babygrl then it will make your family bond stronger if you suggest to him that you want him to pick another career you are gonna end up with him resenting you..trust me you cant force something out of something you can try to persuade but what if this is something he has a passion for?...are you gonna stand in his way babe? that will just make him unhappy...if hes like me if he wants something bad enough he wont rest until he gets it....just try to understand and think about it before you make your move...when men feel threaten they wont budge...remember i got one too :-)

Answer 10

he can make up for the deficit by doing odd jobs on the side that he is good at that will make up for the diff. He could do computer consultng on the side, start his own bus. on the side, sit on a board for his other profession or for computers. There's a lot of ways he could make extra cash. Just encourage him, be there, for him and talk to him.