My husband makes me mad and I sometimes think I'm better off alone. y r men stupid?

Question

I almost got divorced and got back with him after being seperated for a year. I think he takes thing for granted. He says that I talk to him badly sometimes but I get frusterated when he ignores me and never spends time with me. I work a lot so I ask him to spend at a couple hours a week with me, or at least tell me he loves me or some form of affection.

Answer 1

Maybe by the way you're approaching this subject makes u appear as though u are whining to him and that's why he's getting angry. I suggest u speak in a way where u won't get on his defensive. I notice that some men just end up tuning u out, if they think all you're doing is nagging them....which u sound like you're doing.

Answer 2

Wow, if I knew the answer to that question... I would be rich! Honestly though, men think differently than women. You have to plan your time together. Cook him a romantic meal and wear a cute teddy while eating. Think about this, if you did leave him, you would have to go through the whole dating thing again. Do you really want to do that? Then there is the training... I mean, you aren't done, but you almost have that one trained... Good luck girl. There is no such thing as the perfect marriage. You really just have to get to a point that you two can live with each other and be happy.

Answer 3

Ok. From a man's perspective, I got to say this:
Some of us are little boys who have no direction and you have to tell us what to do and when to do it.
Some of us really do take you for granted. It has to do with upbringing I think. He responds to you just like he saw his dad treat his mom and it just monkey see monkey do.
I hate it that he doesn't spend time with you. You say you work a lot, so I am guessing you are pumping $ into the household. I know you would like to get a little acknowledgement. But beyond that, you aren't unreasonable to expect a little love and attention when you are off work.
I think you should speak to him quietly and rationally without getting all emotional. Tell him how you feel. Explain that you need to feel needed.
If he doesn't improve, divorce him. You will be a whole lot better off.

Answer 4

You need to be getting something good out of the relationship or what's the point?
You have needs, maybe you have a need to be respected, to be with someone who will pay attention to you, I don't know what your needs are, but if you can identify them, establish whether they are realistic or fair, and then realise that not everyone can meet your needs.
But there is someone out there that is right for you.
Sometimes you just have to look a while and be fussy, and don't settle for anything less.

If you're getting angry, this is YOUR stuff and you need to figure out why that is. You may need to get some help with that, from a counsellor etc.

Good luck and realationships aren't easy, in my opinion, but getting the right mix is well worth it.

Answer 5

Why did you get back with him if he is treating you badly.? Get counseling and talk with each other about everything. you should always go ot together as if you are dating keep you flame burning. Stop finding things wrong and tell him nicely that it makes you feel real good when he tells you things like I love you. If he doesn't tell you he loves you and there is no affection then I would really have to think about whether or not he is still in love with you.

Answer 6

Well you think you'd be better off alone but didn't you marry him for life?Isn't that how it's suppose to work?You don't leave because you think he's stupid .Don't get me wrong if he abusing you that's a different story then you should leave,try to work it out tell him you love him every day and maybe he'll feel more comfortable saying it to you more if he hears it more.The harder you try to keep the marriage going the better your life with him will be...good luck

Answer 7

You are the stupid one. If you said men are stupid, then explain why are most scientists, doctors, and engineers are men but not alot of women in these field. I'm a neurologist student doctor myself...Are you saying that I'm stupid. Just because you have an idiotic, retarded husband with an extra chromosome, doesn't mean all the men on this planet are as dumb as you & your husband. If you share your problem with us in a polite manner, then we will try to help your relationship with you husband. But with the kind of tone you're in, I'll bet you don't realize how silly you sound when you degrade men.

Answer 8

Hey, are you me? I'm right there with you. Can't figure it out, but honestly, not sure I want to anymore.
If you've already separated once, and if you're not currently in counseling, you might want to think about it again. Otherwise, find someone who treats you the way you want to be treated. Life's too short to waste :) Good luck

Answer 9

As for why are men stupid? Honey, this questioned has been answered since the age of Adam and Eve. When God made Adam, he screwed up...then he made Eve and low and behold she was perfect. And since then science has proven that men only work with 3% of their brains as opposed to women who work with 11% of ours. SO let's not call them stupid...we'll say imperfect to make it sound like we aren't bashing them here. (Not that it appears your husband doesn't deserve it)

With you working alot and then expecting him to be there for you when you do have the time, it's sort of unfair for you to place these expectations on him. It's almost as if you want him to revolve around your schedule. As ideal as that would sound, honey life doesn't work that way. It's a give and take thing. If he's taking you for granted, stop doing everything for him and let him do things for himself. If you are talking to him badly, stop it. Count to ten and think about what you are about to say before you let it fly out of your mouth. If he's ignoring you, it's a childish behavior honey and he's not addressing the issues that are causing the problems. Some men are like that, where they are incapable of showing emotion and rather than hashing it out, they shut down. To us..it comes across as being ignored, to them, it's simply avoiding the conflict. But if there is no affection and this is a normal daily event for the two of you, then it's time to consider the fact that maybe this relationship isn't for you. I know divorce seems like such a big step, since you already tried the separation, but at one point or another, you have to be asking yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life? Married life isn't suppose to be like this honey, and I think you know this, it's why you are asking the question. You should know that not everyone is meant to be together and who we fell in love with, isn't often the same person they are today. people change, circumstances alter our lives and things happen beyond our control. It's not always a bad thing, as people deem it to be. It just means that you are wise enough to know what you want out of life and this may not be it. Entering marriage in this day and age is like entering into a business contract. I know that sounds cold and heartless but look at it from that point of view for a second. Say your business is happiness and providing a sense of security and completeness. Now consider your husband your business partner for a minute. Is he doing his fair share to keep this business flourishing? Are you? Do you even care if this business goes under? DO you wonder what it would be like to start another business? Sometimes if you put things into a different perspective, you'll find the answers you knew, but were afraid to say out loud. You don't have to use the business aspect, I just did that for example...you can use anything. All I'm saying is that when you close your eyes at night and you dream of your "ideal" marriage and family....is this it? Is there anyway you can make it be that? Or do you not have the foundation to build upon to get it there? The frustration leads me to believe that you have unresolved issues from what led you to separate in the first place. The little comments that fly so easily from your mouth are your way of expressing the hurt he caused back then. Him shutting up, is either because he was guilty of something, or ne knows that you are right and has nothing to say back in his defense.

I've been married a long time honey. We have five children and have had our share of ups and downs, twists and turns. The one thing that has kept us together and continues to keep us together is our line of communication. WHen things are too serious, we joke about how much worse they could be. There is nothing I can't tell him, and he's the same way. There were times...many times....along the way when he took me for granted, and during those times, he learned to do his own darn laundry, make his own lunch and eventually learned to say thank you. Like I said earlier, men aren't stupid...they are just imperfect and need some teaching. If the taking you for granted is the problem, then it can be fixed, if you aren't talking, that can be worked on too...but if the love is gone and you are just holding on out of habit...well, then honey, it's time to start asking yourself those tough questions that you've been avoiding.

I wish you well, I hope it works out for you either way and I honestly hope that you don't just take one person's advice on here and go for it....listen to what everyone has to say and put together your own thoughts and views. This is your situation. We aren't the ones that have to live with it. WE can only give you the advice we know and have lived through....only you are going to know what works for you sweetie.

Answer 10

control your anger and make some kind of compromise. he's being insensitive to your needs but you don't recognize all of his either. you 2 need to sit down and have a very open conversation. some things are going to hurt your feelings and some will hurt his but at least the two of you will know how the other feels. if you really love each other you will try to find a halfway point and meet up