I am pregnant, and my boyfriend wants me to have an abortion. I don't have anything against abortion, but at this point in my life I really can't bring myself to have an abortion. My b/f has good reasons for us not having a child (money, etc.) and I understand how he feels. I've told him that I want to keep the baby, but he keeps insisting that I terminate the pregnancy. Having an abortion would be the most logical plan, but it doesn't feel right. I've been trying to stall as much as I can, but he's getting more and more persistant. What can I do?
2006-11-11 15:46:14 · 24 answers · asked by tangyterp83 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
As far as immaturity goes...I take offense to that statement. I am recent college graduate and I am starting out my career in law enforcement. My boyfriend is also a young professional, and he already has a child. I would not considering weighing our options as immature, its probably the smart thing to do. I'll give you some of the reasons why my boyfriend thinks we shouldn't have a child right now 1) I like about 1000 miles away from my family, 2) money will be tight, 3) I have some good job opportunities coming up that would require me to go into intense training for 3 to 6 months (family is not allowed to come). I know my boyfriend is right about some of these things, but I think I can still reach my goals if I have a child (it will be a lot harder) but I still believe I can do it.
2006-11-11 16:02:57 · update #1
Also, I was on birth control when I got pregnant and it obviously did not work.
2006-11-11 16:04:21 · update #2
You said it doesn't feel right. That is your conscience telling you that it's the wrong choice. If you want to keep the baby, keep the baby. Your boyfriend can terminate his rights if he doesn't want the responsibility. Tell him you will even sign papers waiving his financial obligations. But make sure he terminates his rights first. If you decide you can't handle the responsibility either, please help your baby find a safe, stable, loving home. There are so many people who can't have their own children. An abortion would be a waste and it would weigh heavily on your conscience for the rest of your life. Do what you know is right. Good Luck!
2006-11-11 15:57:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry you are being put in this position =\
You need to do what is right for you. But please remember, there are SO many people out there who are looking for a baby to adopt and join their family. I think it is such a respectful thing to do. If you are truley not ready to have a family and don't feel comfortable with an abortion, then this would be a logical answer. There are also different types of adoption to choose from, such as open or closed adoption, so you could still see the baby if you wanted.
If YOU want to keep the baby, then do what YOU want to do or what you think is right. Don't listen to him. Even though he is the father of the baby, it is also YOUR baby, and you are the one carrying it. So if you want the baby then he doesn't, that is his loss. You don't have to make it your own loss too. If abortion doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't the best thing for you. Think about it, would you regret it? If you would, you don't want to do something you would regret. There are many resources out there to help you financially, and to get you and your family on your feet again. If you really want to keep the baby, you should!
Work is possible to do with a baby. I know you might not have planned to start a new career, but things happen that we don't always plan. Like you said, it will certainly be a challenge, but life is always a challenge! I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I think if you really want to keep this baby and raise a family, you can do it. It might be a struggle though, but you CAN do this!
Like someone else said, he might not always be there. A baby will be in your life forever, but your boyfriend may not. If you listened to him and you broke up, would you regret it? I'm not saying you will break up because I do not know you or the details of your relationship, but break ups do happen.
It is really up to you and only you. If he doesn't want to parent the baby, he won't then. If you do not want to parent the baby and don't feel comfortable with abortion, adoption is a good choice! But if you DO want to keep the baby, you can do it. It will be a struggle but totally worth it if this is what you want.
I know that this is a really hard decision, and I wish you best of luck and I hope you make the right decision for you and your baby =) Good luck to you!
2006-11-12 00:07:17 · answer #2 · answered by chokingmeup 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are not 100% okay with having an abortion, please don't do it. I have had an abortion myself (and I was 100% okay with it, and I still am - it was the right choice for me), and I'm sure that if it is not YOUR personal, heartfelt choice - you will be unhappy.
I think its important to consider what your boyfriend will do if you have the child. Do you have long term plans to stay together? Will he help you support the child? Will you be able to support the child on your own? Its a big task to raise a child, and you have to be comfortable taking on the task on your own, as well.
If I were you, I would call an abortion clinic and make an appointment to talk to a councelor. Unlike what many people will tell you, no one will force you to have an abortion against your will. They will help you sort things out, and send you to resources that can help you if you decide to keep the child. And, unlike many anti-choice "clinics", they won't skew the information one way or another. Abortion Clinics are staffed by women who have been in your situation and have had to make the same sort of decisions - they're there to help, not pass judgement.
In the end, weigh your brain and your heat, and do what is the best for you, overall. There is no "good" choice in a situation like this - just the choice that you're willing to live with.
2006-11-12 00:15:13 · answer #3 · answered by appletart 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
"TO YOUR OWN SELF BE TRUE"
How old are you? And do your parents know? Would either one of them pressure you for an abortion like the b/f is? Those and a hundred other questions & uncertainties are excellent reasons to seek counseling. Counseling is for everyday people to have support & learn how to live life more effectively, not JUST for crazies.
Your note says a lot. You are undecided if abortion is right for thenyou, so for your sake, please don't do it. I know quite a few women who have had abortions, & every one felt guilt over it. I am pro choice, by the way. (I sure i will catch a bunch of flack over that!) NOBODY has the right to make or pressure you into having an abortion. Not even your parents.
Both of you got you pregnant. You are doing the most difficult part by what you believe to be the right thing. Good for you!! Time for your selfish boy friend to step up to the plate & do his. He has already proven he will not give the emotional support you need. At least he can give his share towards his child's financial needs.for a few years of his life. If he didn't want his plans altered, he should have kept it in his pants. If he does not suffer the consequences of his actions, he will do the same to someone else. And if he makes any kind of threat, stay away from him & get a restraining order immediately. Control freaks like him tend to lose control when they don't get what they want. I know because I was a lot like him once.
Everybody makes mistakes. It could have happened to me & one of my former girlfriends. Listen to the women here. None of us men know what is like to be a woman in any situation, much less one like this. Most of us here will be wishing the best for you.
2006-11-12 00:40:55 · answer #4 · answered by bob h 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, u need to make ur decision not based upon what your boyfriend will think or what he feels. This is a decision that u have to make on your own. I don't believe in abortions for myself but everyone's circumstances are different. I was in your situation when I got pregnant last year. My boyfriend was totally against me having my son and so was the rest of his family. But, when women have abortions they go through all types of emotional issues after having it that the male doesnt have to deal with. He's happy he doesnt have to take responsibility for something he created and you're lying in a bed crying thinking about how u killed your child. If u feel now that u cant do it and that it's wrong, you'll probably feel 10 times worse after having the abortion. I've never had one but some of my friends have and none of them feel good about what they've done. But, I put my foot down and told my boyfriend and his family that it wasn't going to happen and they got over it. They love my son to death and none of us would take back what i did. You can still work and go to school, as I do, and everything wont be as bad as it seems that it will be. But, that's just my personal experience. Hope it helped
2006-11-12 01:07:53 · answer #5 · answered by oohLa 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to make your own decision. This is your body not his. He will not go threw the pain with having the abortion, the cramping and bleeding after the abortion is completed. Then the guilt that will be with you for a very long time maybe a lifetime. If you can not afford to support yourself and this baby then think about giving your baby to a couple that would love to have a baby and can not. Adoption is always a choice. I am pro choice and feel any woman should make the decision for herself. But whatever you do make sure it is your choice. Do not let your boyfriend make the decision for you. He should of known about the chance of pregnancy before having sex with you. You already said abortion does not feel right for you so just go with your feeling.... Do not let anyone change your mind.. Good luck
2006-11-11 23:56:52 · answer #6 · answered by Mimi 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Okay. So I understand your reasonings for having an abortion. Heres what I do when I have to make a hard decision.
1.State the situation
2.List the possible options
3.Weigh the possible outcomes
4.Consider your values
5.Make a decision and take action
Now, I know that money these days are everyone's lives, but money shouldn't be an excuse. I think you know that. You seem pretty smart. So, relax and make a decision and follow your heart. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
2006-11-12 00:18:18 · answer #7 · answered by overcomehate 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This Is A Decision You & Only You Can Make. If I Were In Your Shoes I Would Keep That Baby. You Are The One Who Has A Little Life Growing Inside Of You. He Can't Possibly Know How You Feel. Stick To What You Feel & Know Is Right & Have That Baby.
2006-11-11 23:57:34 · answer #8 · answered by Brittany L 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's a person you are talking about. You created it. Bring it to term and give it up for adoption, there are a lot of people who would love to raise your child.
You both sound too immature to be parents.
Next time use birth control!
Maturity has nothing to do with the amount of education or the profession you are pursuing. I know people with PhD who are more immature than my 19 year old daughter. Maturity is being able to comprehend the possible outcomes before you start a certain behavior.
Not only do you sound immature based on your response to my statement, but you sound very, very, selfish.
The most logical thing is not getting an abortion- the most logical thing for you to do is give the child up for adoption.
2006-11-11 23:55:10 · answer #9 · answered by Biker Bob 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Open your eyes! You are in the unique position of changing three life's. Are you ready for that?
You don't have to be pro abortion or pro life but you do have to consider what's best for the majority involved.
Think long term. 5 Years isn't NEARLY long enough sweetheart; think 18 years from now! If you can say everyone will come out of this older and wiser then screw your what your boyfriend says!
If you can't then consider this... The world has enough junkies.
2006-11-11 23:53:34 · answer #10 · answered by hero_captain_obvious 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋