Wife wants open marriage...?

Question

Wife of 13 years wants open marriage. We have three kids (7,2,1) and I do not want to be reduced to being a part-time Dad. Thoughts?

To provide additional details...

My medication has played havoc with my sex drive, but in truth I feel more attached to her as a friend than lover. She is hyper-sexual right now, and isn't satisfied. Even though I would wish to be with someone I would have more attraction to, I am willing to put this aside to get our kids through school and then move on. As I said, I don't want to be a part-time dad, and I want them to have a good environment. My wife and I get along great, but it looks like I either let her sleep with others, or go through divorce.

Sweet Gijit..... good answer. Trouble is I am doing a job search over the next year and in my profession it means leaving the area... thus, I am being forced, from my perspective, into a decision of career or my kids.

I should also add we are both seeing therapists already. I am not adverse to counseling at all; she is just not happy with me.

Answer 1

I do not need to preach to you; but read all those answers; there is so much truth to what everyone is saying; you do not need a therapist , the answere is right here; read; read; read and read some more; then make your decision.

Answer 2

Your kids r young. Sounds 2 me like she might have already started without u. I don't think so. If u tell her no (and i think u should say no) and she fights it, i think u should try 4 counseling. If that doesn't work get a lawyer. Part-time dad? Apparently u love ur family, all of it, and if u have a good job, stable home, and the means 2 care 4 ur kids, and family support always helps, u can have the children with u. Don't quit being a full-time dad cuz she wants sex with others. Fight 4 ur family, ur kids, they r the biggest thing worth fighting 4. I have 2 and had 2 fight tooth and nail 4 them. But in the long run I got them cuz he was sleeping around, physically abusive and verbally abusive and that my dear, is not cool with anyone including the courts. Sex with others doesn't settle well and if she has started without u, its cheating. Fight hun, fight like u have never fought b4. Those kids deserve a good role model. She doesn't seem 2 b it either. Use the kids as ur strength that what they r full of love.
I know how hard it is going 2 b, good luck in this.

Answer 3

Life is full of hard choices and pain. Do not put yourself through this. If she is suggesting it, she has already found someone else. Women who suggest this are usually one step ahead, trust me. You will resent her and it will wind up in divorce court anyway. While you are still friends, resolve to either dedicate yourselves to the marriage or split as friends and she can do what she wants without disrespecting you. Open marriages are a load of crap. This will not work. Save your mental self and part now. Be the best dad you can be for the kids. A mom who wants to put her family through this is not a good mom. She is selfish and immoral. There are plenty of ways to spice up your sex life, even with medication issues. Marriage vows are what they are for a reason, don't let her get wawy with this type of behavior.

Answer 4

Tell her you will not be open to this its like she wants a free pass to cheat on you you are a couple period if she wants this then she might as well ask for a divorce. Marriage is a two person relationship period and you should let this women walk all over you. If she has sex problems they can be worked on try seeking alternative medication for what your dealing with but really do you want another man screwing around with your wife and possibly giving her something she could give to you this day and age monogamy is the only safe bet. Be smart in the end its your choice but you will ending your marriage if you choose to do this because if she isn't already which I can bet she is cheating on you she is tryingto make it okay with you to continue with an affair or to start one.

Answer 5

Your wife is immature and selfish. She's bored and wants to run around with other men and at the same time keep you around picking up the pieces and cleaning up her messes. This type of behavior doesn't respect the institution of marriage and will cause untold misery. There's all kinds of STDs, including AIDS/HIV, and who knows what kind of perverts you'll get involved with that will endanger your family. Do you want to help your wife bring all this around your children? Let your wife know that you don't want an open marriage and they'll be no compromising. If she insists on such behavior, don't allow yourself to become a part-time dad. Your children will need you more than ever. You may have to beome a full time single dad. It says in the Bible, "With her own hands, a foolish woman tears her house down".

Answer 6

when a woman says she wants an open marriage in ninety percent of the cases it means she already has a lover on the side, and for the sake of the kids she wants to say with you. if you accept those terms for the kids, you will no longer be a man in her eyes, and the children will see from her example that they do not have to obey and listen to you. you will no longer be an equal partnership in the marriage, and will not have an equal say in the house. if you want to end up being the servant to her, her maid, open the door to the open marriage. it either that role for you or divorce.

Answer 7

Look man if you are unable to service her then let her f**k other men but maybe you should be there to make sure that the studs do not get rough with her. Grow up you may enjoy the show. But be discreet about it so the kids are not hurt.

Answer 8

Wife does not realize (or maybe does. . . I hope not) that this will destroy her marriage and destroy you. I strongly suggest marriage counseling with your pastor/priest/rabbi or a marriage counseling professional otherwise you will be seeing a lawyer soon for custody of your children and she will be out in the cold. No court in the land will call her a fit mother when she wants to sleep with other guys and still be married. I would NEVER tolerate it (but that's me).

Answer 9

What does open marriage mean? That she wants you both to be able to have sex with others? If so, then no way. That is not a marriage. That is a contract of a very different kind.

Answer 10

Marriage is a committment. Open marraige is just a way of saying I want to do what I want, when I want and with whom I want but I like having you around to take all the responsibility. She has 3 kids. Time to grow up.