i have a hard time trusting. i don;t like him to watch porn, have any female friends, and get very angry when he looks at another woman. he has lied to me once about an old girl friend, even though they did not have an affair he lied to me about her until i caught him emailing her. do i have a reason to be jealous or am i to possive and obsessed with this?
2006-11-11 13:38:34 · 15 answers · asked by CAROL S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't blame you for feeling that way. He did break your trust by lying to you before. However you have to recognize this for what it is and talk to him about it.
2006-11-11 13:46:10 · answer #1 · answered by Leila G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a very jealouse person when it comes to my husband too. Although it is because we have a shakey history. A week after we got married I found emails to an ex girlfriend telling her he loved her and who know what the future held for them. There are many more incidents that get worse. Although so far that I know of there hasnt been any actual physical cheating. He is not allowed other women friends because I know he can just be friends. Some guys can but he cant. I also make it clear that i want access to voice mail email you name it i have access. I choose to give him his privacy but it helps now knowing that he lets me have access if I want it. I dont think that you are being possesive or obssesive if youve been given reason not to trust. But at some point you have to give him a little bit of slack on the chain youve got him on. Otherwise you'll never know if you can trust him now. As much as it kills you, give him a chance. If he screws up again, you know it wont change and move on.
2006-11-11 21:49:17 · answer #2 · answered by htmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel you are being possessive or jealous. You just need to be heard and reassured from your husband that you are the number one female in his life and not some bimbo he sees on TV or his old girlfriend.
I think the only way for you to come to terms with these issues is for you to talk to you husband about them and tell him how these things make you feel without accusing him of doing anything wrong. There may be things that are bothering him as well, and with an open conversation maybe it will help.
With an open conversation, maybe you will find out why you are feeling the way you are feeling and why your husband finds it necessary to email old girlfriends. Ask him all the tough questions but be prepared to hear what he has to say.
Maybe he is needing extra attention or wants to explore new things in your relationship but is too afraid to ask you. Who knows until you ask him these questions.
A marriage is all about being honest with one another.
I hope this helps and good luck to you.
2006-11-11 22:03:13 · answer #3 · answered by jns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being obsessive with anything is not good. Jealousy has a tendency to ruin a relationship rather than make things better. Your issue isn't so much with your husband as it is with insecurity. Have you sat down & talked with him & let him know these things bother you? You should if you haven't, & you need to see a counselor to help get to the root of your jealousy. Once you find the root problem you can begin to heal & fix it from there. Once you begin to allow jealousy to rule your emotions, your husband will never be able to do anything right, thus ending in bad results. Your jealousy, if you don't get a hold on it now, will cause him to move away from you instead of pull him to you.
2006-11-11 21:48:14 · answer #4 · answered by its_me_horses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you had a history of this behavior? Has it hury other relationships? If you feel your fears are creating more trouble than they are solving, then do something pro active about it. Get your husband to join you in some couples counseling. Marriage is a hard job. It makes sense to go and talk about it once in a while to see how you both are doing. Don't wait to go do this until you are having a crisis. Go now and do some tune up work. I am sure you will feel 100% better.
2006-11-11 21:44:21 · answer #5 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to get jealous. I've known too many women accuse so much that the guy will acutally start to believe it himself. Talk about brainwashing.
Maybe this will help put it into perspective...
To guys, women are like cars…
Guys will get the one that they REALLY want. We admire others as they pass by. We'll even look up different models on the web or magazines. We imagine what it would be like driving others. We can even pay money to test drive others (eww). BUT…We will NEVER give up or replace the one that we have and love.
2006-11-11 21:44:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, don't be too possessive. This will drive most men farther away from their wives. Men want some space and the freedom to choose. Before it is too late, change your attitude and trust him. Your trust would be the guiding force for him to stay faithful. It is difficult for you to trust, especially that you are possessive by nature ; but if you want to keep your man, then you must have the determination to control this. He loves you that is why, he agreed to marry you in the first place. Don't ruin this love by your possessiveness and nagging (you can't help to nag when you are possessive). Instead, be a good and ideal wife and I know, even if other women tempt him, he will not be tempted because he values his loving wife.
2006-11-11 21:51:31 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter if you have a good reason to be jealous or not. You will drive him away from you by your actions. You have to get a handle on this jealousy or your marriage is doomed.
You have to find a way to divert your energy to some other emotion. When you start to feel the jealousy you must force yourself to change your thought pattern. You have to switch to something positive instead of negative. Maybe try wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you start to feel jealous to remind yourself to think about something nice.
2006-11-11 21:44:01 · answer #8 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know if jealous is the right word, but concerned yes.
If he is doing things behind your back, like looking at porn or talking to other women, then yes there is a problem brooding that could become much bigger later.
I would suggest seeking help from outside on this one, it sounds like he is in this a little too deep.
2006-11-11 21:41:58 · answer #9 · answered by eliteflycaster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're insecure. You will only make it worse with your stupid behaviour and push him away in the end. It is a personal issue you need to work on. Go for counseling
2006-11-11 21:40:59 · answer #10 · answered by brown_sugah064 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋