I am female and have been dating a woman now for 5 years. And until recently it was a long distance relationship. She is the only person I have ever been with and I am completely in love with her. But I am scared out of my mind when we go out, I don't want people knowing I am lesbian, or bisexual or just who I am. She loves to hug on me and show affection in public but I can't do it. I'm scared that someone will want to hurt us. And I still live at home with my parents, but I want to move in with her, and I'll need their help I'm sure, but they'll see it's a one bedroom and I know they'll wonder and ask questions that I'm not ready to answer. I work with my mother and I know she'll tell her close friend and it would just spread through out the office. And I don't want to be teased or have jokes made or hear people say "I knew it!" I can already see how things will go, and I don't think it's right for anyone to do that, but I know it will happen. I just want to get on with my life. How?
2006-11-11 13:13:27 · 7 answers · asked by Just me 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
These are all valid fears... and most we've all faced... but I believe it's best to face your fears head on.
I believe it's always best to be straight-forward (pardon the pun) and up-front with anyone when you decide to take the leap of faith!
Coming Out is an individual choice for each and every person that comes out and depends on why you want to come out, what that person means to you, and lots of other factors. And it also depends on who you want to come out to.
But in the end, it's totally up to you. Some of us feel better not having any secrets in our lives, especially about who we love.
Check out some of the Coming Out resources listed below. And you may want to purchase "Now That You Know," a great resource for parents and friends of GLBT folks that they can read afterwards and find that many of their feelings are shared by many other folks after a loved one has come out to them.
Not to scare you, but some folks do not react well to being told their friend/loved one is gay. Reassure them that you are the same person that they've always loved. Allow them time to adjust. And as I said, I believe it's best to face these fears head on... why hide in fear and shame? There's a reason we say "Gay Pride." You will eventually be proud that you can be an out lesbian/gay womnym.
If your "friends" do say crap, do you really want them as your friends? Believe me when I say that most all gay/lesbian/bisexuals/transgenders have been called names or harrassed in some sort of way. It helped me grow as a human.
One of my favorite sayings is, "I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; Yet strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers."
Coming out is never easy, but to me, it was well worth it!
The best of luck to you!
2006-11-11 13:34:43 · answer #1 · answered by yetanothergwm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are, your parents already have an inkling of this. They may be shocked at first, but if they truely love you they will come to accept you regardless. And, unless you live in a very dangerous area, don't worry about what other people think about you and your girlfriend in public. It's none of their business anyway. And you can specificall ask your mother not to mention it to anyone, even her best buddies. Explain to her that you would like the chance to come out to whom you choose and when you choose. Best of luck.
2006-11-11 13:30:26 · answer #2 · answered by BabyBear 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can't really hide it, hun. Sooner or later your folks will figure it out and it seems you just like the sexual fun of it. Bieng gay means being the same as everyone else which normal.
Once you get passed what others might think of you then your life will be much better and a heavy weight will be lifted off your shoulders. Talk to them and give them the chance.
2006-11-11 13:23:53 · answer #3 · answered by pheirmeizer001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was scared too. If you are honest with people you will feel better. The freedom and relief that comes with honesty makes it worth it. You will probably have some hard times, but it's worth the trade of not having to live a lie. Good luck.
2006-11-11 13:35:12 · answer #4 · answered by imnlove22 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
JUST TELL YOUR MOM!! Im pretty sure you will have to eventually let everyone know anyway....so why not do it now? JUST GO AND GET IT OVER WITH!! you will be so happy that you did....
Good luck with whatever you choose and I hope it ALL works out for you!!
Oh and god doesnt find ANYONE unacceptable....sorry about the first person...what an embarassing person...
2006-11-11 13:20:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey! i have the same situation right... and i still haven't come out.. im really scared.. but i think coming out would be the best decision than not to come out at all and just pretend forever..
2006-11-12 00:05:00 · answer #6 · answered by Riz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the woman alone. you want to be gay? u want to be unacceptable towards god? its not that he doesnt like you as a person, its just that satan is making you have these feelings and not being able to resis is what bothers him. but pray, and ask for help, and you can have a normal life, without anything to be ashamed of. don't you want that?
2006-11-11 13:16:41 · answer #7 · answered by kclr16 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋