We have 2 kids together. Although he is trying to do better now, I am no longer in love with him and I no longer trust him. We live a comfortable life, and because of this I am not totally miserable and it's easier to put up the happy facade. But I do feel trapped and long to be free. I fear hurting my children and a life of loneliness but I really want to live for myself.
2006-11-11 13:09:29 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
see a therapist or clergyman- talk to somebody!
2006-11-11 13:12:13 · answer #1 · answered by hiding1959 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you evidently can not trust this husband and given the fact that he has had three affairs on you you are right not to trust, I myself come from a broken home and am here to tell you that if you feel you are doing the children any good staying I can tell you you are not kids know when things are not right, long as you are being cared for comfortably then you will not get to be free, if there is not any love there the best thing to do is to give it up, get child support, and find someone you can love.
2006-11-11 21:29:32 · answer #2 · answered by billc4u 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want a life of your own tell your husband you want an open marriage where you both can see other people discreetly but if you can work it out try to stay in the same houehold for the childrens sake. If he is adult enough he will understand and agree to do this. It is better than a complete breakup.
2006-11-11 21:15:32 · answer #3 · answered by unionjack07 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to leave before you go nuts. Living with somebody you do not trust is not living. We splitt up before all war broke out. We have one kid and we moved into two appartments in the same area. Our kid had two homes. We are still close because of the kids. We talk on the phone everyday. I explained to our child that we love her and we will always love eachother, but we can not have a relationship anymore. After awhile she saw that we really ment it. You have to make sure you two share the responsibility. Your children will grown up with a greater understanding of real life. Of cource my kid would have liked us to stay together. I told her she does not relize it yet but one day when her friends start crying because their parents are at war she'll understand. Two years later it started, her friends parents were divorcing. She relized she was blessed with parents that lead happy lives and she is always in first place with us. She is now the only kid with separated parents who go together to pta meetings. And you would not beleave how many people (so called friends) told us it would not work. Now 10 years later leaving next door to my ex., they are all impressed with our very happy 16 year old. She is secure in relationships to other people. We are all so close together that we still call each other for money. My ex has a new wife and she in the beginning thought is was strange for exs to be friends but after a short time she found it great. We get along well. Now when her stepmom goes on weekend buisness trips she goes along. My kid has seen and done so much is her short life because of our so healthy Patchwork family. Its great. Now we have inspired other couples to work on having a good relationship because to the kids. When you are at a soccer game or so with your ex and his new wife and your kid is the happies one around, then you know its was all worth it.
Now that sounds good doesn't it. But just one reality check. Before you tell hubby of your decision make sure you copy all money documents.
And if possible pull alittle on the side. This is just for the beginning, Moving , furniture etc. ... And sometimes when men sit with thier lawyers they turn into money hidding idiots.
But what ever happens you have to be the one to make it all turn out good. Keep up the positive attitude towards the change and the others will follow. LEAD THEM TO HAPPINESS. Good luck and dont forget
You are strong
You are women!!
2006-11-12 09:48:08 · answer #4 · answered by eidunotno 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not doing your kids any favors by staying with this terrible example of marriage. What are they learning....that men can do anything they want and women stupidly stand by and take it? One affair is forgivable if he truly repents. Two is pushing it and three is just plain insulting. Show your kids that responsible adults treat each other with respect. If he won't see a counselor and submit to your current "trust" needs (his cell always on for you to call him anywhere, anytime, no excuses) then he is never going to be a decent husband and role model. If he can't be a respectable man then he has lost his privilege to be your husband and your kids' dad.
2006-11-11 21:19:04 · answer #5 · answered by mrfacesmom 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to be mean but excuse me what are you waiting around for the sky to fall. He cares for you not he treats you like crap and you let him walk all over you the only person who can fix this is you file for divorce gain custody of kids or give him custody if you want to start completely anew. Really you have put in your time with this creep get a move on your not getting any younger.
2006-11-11 21:17:11 · answer #6 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
separate until you know if you want to leave him or you think you can get the trust back. it's not fair to the kids that you stay in a relationship if you aren't happy. maybe you just need space to see that he really is working on it and you can see if he is serious if you separate from him. then you can see what you both really want without going through all the pain of divorce.
2006-11-11 21:15:19 · answer #7 · answered by pikachu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
three affairs? You might as well face it you are at the bottom of the list. Dump the bum......he is not worth all the love your heart has to give. As for the kids.... if he really loved them and having a family life he'd be true to you
2006-11-11 21:13:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in that same "trapped" situation. When I finally separated from my husband and then divorced him, yes, it was hard on my son. But he is SO MUCH HAPPIER now......and so am I. Believe me, your children are going to be hurt more being with two parents who are miserable.
2006-11-11 21:13:53 · answer #9 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey Michelle, Living for yourself isn't that hard and you can do it and give your kids a good life also, Depending on their ages, a sitter a couple times a month while you do adult things is good for you and your family.. Hang in there.
2006-11-11 21:16:38 · answer #10 · answered by Shell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Instead of of just wishing for a life of freedom and happiness, why don't you actually do something about it? You are hurting your children more by pretending to be happy.
2006-11-11 21:25:20 · answer #11 · answered by Leila G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋