I have a 14 yr old daughter who thinks she should be the boss of her life.?

Question

She has recently gotten together with a 21 yr old. I am not ok with this. So we have been having problems. I have never been one to yell or swear and she is too old to spank. In the last month she has drank three times. Also did not come home last night, but did call....what can I do...? Legally she is of consenting age....but his influence is taking her into areas she normally would not have gone. She is a straight a student, who does not normally question my rules...these days she questions them all. I love her very much and feel the 21 is definetly coming between us. How can I watch him use her and not make comments? She is getting pretty mad at me. Legally I am lost at where to go next with this. I have grounded and lowered the curfew and am trying my best to (not control) but still have rules for her. Now she says she can not stand my rules..(no drinking be home by curfew etc...) and wants to move out....she is only 14....

I live in canada and here the age is 14 I consulted the legal help line today and they said I basically have no options. Other than to let her know in my house i will not allow her to have a 21 yr old bf and keep to my rule of not letting her drink....but I also found out if she wants to move out as long as the place is not unsafe for her physically I have no say. I am not a parent who sits there and lets the kids run the home...I also have spent a lot of time trying to explain what a 21 yr old wants from her which is to use her. I have talked with this 21 yr old man to no avail he just lies to me. however in canada after 14 you can not charge the man. .I could call the cops to bring her home.but it is illegal to lock a person in the house against their will....and I was told by Zenith 1234 that I have next to no options available to me..besides wait it out...or put her in foster care,which is not acheivable until tuesday. I beleive in hard love. But am powerless by law to do anything?

Answer 1

get her ome now and lock the door. you are the parent, you need to lay down the rules. she will only be used as a toy by this guy and after he has had his fun he will leave her, or kill her. i have seen it happen to some of my late freinds. they moved out way to young and got killed! you might can get the town jail to let her stay a week or so to teach her to follow your rules. it worked on one of my freinds who is still alive, she tryed to move out and her parents put her in jail for a week. and said that if she tryed to do it again she would spend a longer time in jail, i dont know if this will work for you, but it did for my freind.


ps, sory for any spelling misstakes. i have a new key board that responds diffrently than my old one.

Answer 2

How amazing. At 14 she’s still a child. Tell the 21 year old next time he comes around you are going to call the police. And no, 14 is not too old to be spanked. She’s behaving like a naughty little girl and you are treating her like an adult.

Who in the hell cares if she is making straight A’s when she’s dating a MAN?

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Amazing!

Yes she's right about Canada. This is one of the few times that I think Canadian law is nuts. You people need to work with this conservative government for a while until you get this law passed (which may not help you).

Sorry mom. Move to USA for a few years.

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Canada May Raise Age of Sexual Consent

OTTAWA Jun 23, 2006 (AP)— Canada's ruling conservatives have moved to raise the age of sexual consent by two years to 16, saying children need better protection from adult predators in an Internet era.

"More and more, ordinary Canadians are concerned about the growing problem of child sexual predators, especially in the Internet age. They have looked to this government to take whatever steps it can to address the issue."

The legislation includes a so-called near-age exemption of five years so that, for example, a 14-year-old could still have a sexual partner aged up to 19, and a 15-year-old could have a partner aged up to 20.

Toews said the proposed law is a sound way to target older adults.

Supporters say the measure would help police deal with pimps, Internet predators and international sex tourists.

Critics said the bill was a gift to far-right Tory supporters that will drive young lovers underground.

Answer 3

LET HER LEARN the "Hard" way that she's not as grown up and wise _as she Thinks she is_!!

But, if she were mine, I'd tell her "Once you leave this house, there is NO coming back telling me 'how wrong you were' because I refuse to play the back & forth game with a child who only THINKS she knows more than her parents!"

And that 21 year old is breaking the law being with her and if he were arrested, you'd have an easier time reasoning with her. But you should keep reporting him a secret until she's gotten over him in a few weeks, IMO. There's the simplest solution!!

I _hate_ to say this, but I think the way this 14 yr old has been "allowed" to act, is all *MOM'S* fault for her living in a state of "Denial". If Mom disagrees, I say her and the daughter should go ask a licensed MFCC counselor what their opinion is. If Mom's afraid to do that for fear of what might be revealed as facts, then I see 2 people's lives potentially DOOMED. Mom can fix it by taking that first step, and Y.A. isn't the place to do it.

Answer 4

hunny you are the mother you need to take of business your daughter is way too young to be having se or let alone hang out with a 21 year old and also she is not coming home at night honestly no offense but you have some problems discplining her it is your fault that she is doign things and 14 years old is not at consenting age i would beat her *** and you know if things are that horrible send her juvenile detention she is 14 not 20 i dont even do those things and im 20 my mom still has rules for me while im living in her house also if she is this bad now how much more worse is she going to get she hasnt even hit 16 you need to be there for her more and let her know things are goign to change if she doesnt come home at night that is considered running away which you can call the police and she will have a juvenile probation officer or whatver tell her she has two chioces she can straighten up or be sent to juvenile detention where she will have no freedom at all help her before its too late you are in control not her and you will be sorry if you dutn take care of this situation she will end up dead in jail or raped seriosly i would kill my daughter if she ever acted this bad be a real mom and do somethign about it

Answer 5

You should go file a police report and get this guy arrested for statutory rape. She's still a child and shouldn't be running around with a 21 year old and why is this nasty pervert messing around with a child anyways? Most teenagers go through this phase. If you file a police report on this guy then he will go to jail and eventually he may see that the relationship isn't worth it. Your daughter may say that she hates you now for it but hopefully she'll grow up later down the road and see that you were only doing it to protect her.

I went through the same situation when I was 14 and had a 21 year old boyfriend. When I look back on it now I realize that it was a stupid thing to have done and I realize that my parents were right. What kind of 21 year old would want to be with a 14 year old? A pervert, that's what kind.

Answer 6

14 isn't legally consenting age. She's just 14 and definatly SHOULD NOT be seeing a 21 y/o man!!!!!!!!!!! You need to take control of this situation! You are the parent, not her. Next time she calls saying she's staying out all night, tell her that if she don't get her butt home AT CURFEW then you are going to call the cops and have them pick her up. If she's having sex with this guy, you can have charges brought against him for rape. Talk to him and ask him if that's what he wants. Tell him that you WILL bring charges against him if he don't stay away from your daughter. AND MEAN IT!!!! I honestly hope that this helps and that things work out for you and your daughter.

Answer 7

I would call the police the next time that 21 year old comes near my daughter. His being with her is illegal.

I have called the police on my son. He does some really stupid things. I have 3 sons and he is one that tries to get my attention by doing the stupidest things you can ever imagine.

The last police that came to my home told him he's surprised my son doesn'thave a permanent ring around his neck because I should have rung his neck long ago. I know that sounds sharp, but sometimes you just need the police to come in and tell that little girl where it stands. Go seek a psychiatrist for her or therapist.

Get you and her both help.

Answer 8

First of all this 21 year-old should be reported to the police if he is "getting together" with a 14 year-old she is a minor!!! unless i am mistaken this is illegal. your daughter is 14!!! u r the boss and not the other way around when she grows up she will in be incharge of her life but for now it is your responsibility to care for her and this means showing her the right path for life.

it is a proven fact that when a person under 15 drinks they have a much higher chance of becoming an alcoholic. u need to do something now before u lose her forever.

trust me when she becomes a responsible adult she will thank u for intervening, and she will realize how stupid she was being...

Answer 9

First off, she is not of consenting age, you become an adult by law at the age of eighteen. Since she is fourteen, she is not legally allowed to moved out. I would suggest sitting down having a heart to heart conversation with your daughter. You are the parent, so only you have the power to decide if he is right enough for your daughter. You can however talk to him and ask him to be more mature around your daughter.

Answer 10

Legally she is NOT of consenting age! At 14 you have the right to do with her as you wish regarding this man. You can have him arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a minor if he is giving her the alcohol. You can have him arrested for statutory rape if he is having sex with her. In some states if she is under 16 it is a felony if he is over a certain age! I would not stand by and let this happen. I was 16 when I met a man 9 years older than me. I thought I knew everything too. It ended up horrible! I spent years under his thumb and rebuilding my self esteem because he was such a child himself- that's why he went after someone so young. This scenario is the story of MY life...dont allow it to be hers! Good luck and stand your ground. Id rather my daughter hate me for a little while than hate herself for the rest of her life.