You can't just end it over that can you? Can a marriage be saved?
What if it just keeps getting worse - what do you do?
2006-11-11 10:28:53 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have always been a great believer in trying in a marriage, it's so easy these days to get divorced, I still believe that every person deserves to make a mistake, that's how we learn, but if the same thing keeps happening or gets worse then I am afraid a lesson hasn't been learned because he doesn't think he's making a mistake or doing anything wrong, it's time to get away before you really get hurt. love isn't like this.
2006-11-11 10:33:46 · answer #1 · answered by pottydotty 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How do you mean 'just' over that! Ok, first off...i guess you feel like it's your fault, that it wouldn't happen if you didn't keep messing up, yeah? 2nd, do you love him - really love him...i don't think you do anymore, you'll only know the answer to that though when you can accept that what is happening isn't your fault, and that he is in the wrong, easier said than done i know! If you loved him, you wouldn't be unsure, wouldn't be asking your question. 3rd - yes it will get worse, well, perhaps! maybe if you're 'lucky' it will just carry on as it has been and not get worse! That's ok though, by then you'll have absolutely no self esteem, be a shell of who you used to be and wake up one morning feeling like you've just been awoken from a very long sleep! you'll be much older, more out of touch than you probably realised and not have a clue what, why or how you put up with it for so long! Maybe your marriage could be saved, only you can decide that...if you want it to, ask him to attend counselling with you, if you don't - get out, stay out, slam the door behind you and don't look back....if you have kids, tell him it's over that you need him to leave. Whatever you decide...be strong, there are nice guys out there...it's just hard to believe right now, that one of them will want you...well they will, and then you can really fall in love. It won't be easy whatever you decide, but you will be ok. Good luck x
2006-11-11 14:20:32 · answer #2 · answered by GalaxyGirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you that it can be saved depending on the husband. Mine was receptive to me walking out with the kids one night. I told him that was it. For him is was just control... He was level headed enough to stop and really see what he was doing and that it would not work if he didn't stop. So he did. If asking him to stop angers him - that is the huge red flag that he doesn't think he is in the wrong and probably won't stop. I have seen it work before, where the guy changes for good. It really depends on your hubby. Only you can judge that. If you feel there is no hope, then you should call a shelter. This is horrible to say and will probably be attacked for it.. But our society has de masculinized men. So, some of the 'abusers' are just reacting negativly to life that they haven't been taught to handle as men. Men are taught that everyone is equal and then as adults are thrown into situations where the well being of the families life rests in their hands and they can't deal. If that is the case, then there is hope. They can see that they are wrong and they can see what the consequences are. But, men who are just violent that think that they rule the world are most likely hopeless. No matter what, you should talk to a shelter before it gets too bad and there is no coming back from it.
Good Luck and God Bless... It really is up to you whether you want to live with it and feel there is hope, or if you want to get out for fear of your life. It is your call ultimatley - he won't make that move.
2006-11-11 11:09:18 · answer #3 · answered by The cat did it. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The abuse needs to be addressed immediately, don't know what kind of abuse you are speaking of , mental, physical, but none of it is healthy or productive to a relationship or to you. If you are determined to accept his behavior then you should at the very least attempt to get counseling for yourself or both of you, and it might be able to be saved. However, if this abuse has happened more than once and has not been talked about and resolved, and has continued to happen , i would say leave. Because no matter how much you think you love someone it is not worth, losing your self esteem, or worth or greater your life in the end. Seek out counseling please
2006-11-11 10:37:52 · answer #4 · answered by mssgtmidnight 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A marriage can be saved if the person you love gets help. He needs to accept the fact that he is abusive and understand that you will not tolerate his behavior.
I would not suggest couples counseling until the abuse issue has been cleared up.
A trial separation while he gets help may be one suggestion. Or, just make him understand that if he does not get help or raises his hand at you again, you will leave.
2006-11-11 11:17:25 · answer #5 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can and if you are already saying it's getting worse
then it will just keep escalating and one day it could be your life
that you could be fighting for. It's time to walk from this abusive person please do not become one of the statistics of the women who stayed because of love then got killed by her husband in a murder suicide and what if kids come into the picture be smart
and leave you deserve better no woman should be hit at anytime
especially buy there husband or BF. He has problems and they won't fix on there own he needs help. This behavior is usually common among guys who may have grown up with an abusive father figure and watched him hit their mom all the time and thinks its normal behavior for guys to hit woman he is damaged goods sweetie find a good guy lots of fish in the sea.
2006-11-11 10:38:46 · answer #6 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well it's a well known fact if people tell you to do something, you normally go in the opposite direction of the advice being given. If I were you I'd take a short break on my own (no partner) , with family or friends and gather your thoughts. Ask yourself "do I love this person enough to let him treat me in this way, do I deserve it for some reason?, or is he the problem?" answer yourself truthfully, do a lot of heart and soul searching and hopefully you will come to the right conclusion. Good Luck X
2006-11-12 02:10:28 · answer #7 · answered by RUTH M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The first time would be the last time. I'd call the police and their sorry behind tossed in jail. I would get a restraining order and an order of protection....and I'd press criminal charges.
How can you NOT end it? There is no marriage in an abusive relationship...there is the abuser and there's a victim. That's NOT a marriage.
2006-11-11 13:32:30 · answer #8 · answered by Kaia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People like this need help and so do you if you if you stay around. Wait until he is asleep and hit him with something that will hurt and leave a mark and ask him how he likes that. Now tell him if he abusive to you again that he better not go to sleep. have a tape recorder running so you can take it to the police & a lawyer if he does not change his ways. Your better off anyway without him. He probably won't change and if he does it will only be for a little while.
Good Luck
2006-11-11 10:46:16 · answer #9 · answered by black jack 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The only reason the person does it is because they are a control freak they just have to be in control of everything and from what I have seen and heard it gets worse not better. Perhaps you could try marriage counselling and if that don't work you will need to get out of the relationship because it will ruin your life.
2006-11-11 10:34:14 · answer #10 · answered by Kaz 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋