My wife wants a one year separation. Am I an idiot?

Question

We have three kids, 3,5,7. We have been married 17 years. She wants to move out, saying taht we have not been getting along (true) and that we need some time to regroup. I told her, just divorce me. She pleaded that she does not want a divorce. What do you think? I say, let's just get a divorce or should I try the separation?

Answer 1

I say she is cheating and divorce rather than separate. I have been there...my ex husband did this. It is an easy way to ask for a divorce. LL.

Answer 2

She doesn't want to jump into a divorce right now, because a separation, might do the both of you, some good. I think that she's doing the right thing, by suggesting that you have a separation. You said yourself, that the two of you, haven't been getting along, so a part of you, is admitting that there is a problem. You must consider how it's affecting your children, when the two of you, don't get along. Just because your children are 3, 5 and 7, doesn't mean they can't pick up, that there's a problem between their mommy and daddy, because they can, they pick up vibes, just like any body else and they are smarter, than what you think. I think a separation, is highly needed, remember, absence makes the heart grow stronger, this trial separation, will determine rather or not, a divorce is needed. at least your wife, is willing to try and work it out, before divorcing. If it's meant to be, thing's will work themselves out, if it's not, at least you both can walk away and say that you gave it your all, before you made the decision to divorce. I really hope thing's work out, good luck.

Answer 3

Why does she want a separation for 1 year ? In all honesty it is up to you. Do you want to lose your wife and kids or do you think that a break will do you all good. You say just get a divorce is it because she has hurt your pride by asking for a separation. Think about what you have to lose, if you decide what the two of you have is worth fighting for, then you have your answer. Give her what she wants and hopefully everything will work out. If after 1 year you both decide you are still not happy, then l guess it will be time for you to move on. Atleast you will know that you gave it your best shot. No-one can ask for any more than that. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do. ps No l do not think you are an idiot !! Just confused.

Answer 4

I would be very leary of this because most countries need you to be separated for at least a year before seeking for divorce this may be her step to this tell her that you do not think being separated for a year is going to help the relationship and if she really wants a out then start divorce proceedings because it is common that separation is just a cheap way to basically divorce
you are still married but she has no guilt about seeing other men.
or vice versa I would recommend you try some counselling
before this step if that is out of the question. Be smart she wants out of the marriage plain and simple if you feel this way why don't you start the actions to end the marriage three kids wow and young but whats worse staying and arguing all the time
this isn't good for any of the parties involved. Your going to have to pay alimony and child support in the end anyways so do you want to be happy with a different gal or miserable and try to patch this ruined marriage. I personally do not believe in divorce but if the relationship is past the point of no return then it may just be time to throw in the towel.

Answer 5

Try marriage counseling first. This "separation" will be terribly hard on the kids. It has always seemed to me, just based on couples who have had a separation that it was an easy way out; rather than face the real problem, it's this happy in-between place. I agree with you, if one of you is moving out, it appears to be over. Try other avenues, like marriage counseling/reconnecting before making a huge move. I would also ask her to be honest, and tell you what benefit she sees in a separation, what does she plan to do with the time and space, and how long will the separation be. Get some answers. You don't need to be strung along. And one more critical point, don't move out without an agreement on a parenting plan, and the home (if you own one). My hubby's ex set him up this way and she made it appear as though he "left" his kids and home, and it was very difficult to fight to regain custody and his house back. Request to go to mediation and get a legal document of your parenting plan. You may want to retain a lawyer and do a "legal" separation, for financial protection of assests, and fair custody of the kids. I wish you the best.

Answer 6

Have you both tried counseling? Together and/or apart? Personally, I would want to try that first, before a separation. Sometimes counseling can help put things into perspective that you or she might not be able or willing to see or understand. A divorce seems like a rather drastic move right now, you got married for a reason. Maybe you need some help in remembering what it was.

Answer 7

Try it out cause if you have been with the same woman for so long you could get tired of one another. So try the separation thing and maybe after a while you'll realize how much you love each other and how much you need each other. Don't just give up on marriage just because you fuss all the time. You have to try different things first.
Now if you don't love her then yes get a divorce cause she doesn't need someone telling her lies and breaking her heart more. And same for you.

Answer 8

Sounds like you're on the road to a divorce. First step in most states towards divorce IS a seperation. If she's leaving, go for the seperation - keep the kids & stay in the house - and by all means, find a really great lawyer to help position yourself for the ineveitable. The more you do up-front, the better you and the kids will be when your wife files for divorce.

Answer 9

I would say either divorce or counciling, I mean you cant really live by the advice of a bunch of people you dont know because your gona do what you want anyways but in past experience and from what I have seen in other realationships, seperation doesnt work. When you get back togeather you have to live with what went on while you were seperated and alot can happen in a year. Its hard getting divorced and its hard living togeather and not being happy, I wish you the best what ever happens!!

Answer 10

A one year separation with you still paying the bills, and not just child support? NO way! A year is a long time to be separated, and it is very unhealthy for a marriage. For the children too! I would say your not getting the complete story to this separation. Sorry. It's your life too. We can't all have the best of both worlds, either your married or your not. Good luck!

Answer 11

Hold on for a moment.You have 3 kids to think about.The ages you described are just right for long days short nights and not much time for the 2 of you.Before you start talking devorce maybe you should talk about some time away from the kids and the daily grind.If yall think about it you probably don't get much time alone and this could be a hugh strain on any couple.Talk to your wife and see what it is that is bothering her.Maybe all she needs is a few days to herself so she can rest and settle her nerves.3 kids are a hand full for anybody and both of you may need time away from each other to let some of the friction die down before talking about the problems.17 years is alot to throw away.