Hi, I'm typing for my boyfriend. He and I live together for 1-1/2 years. I was recently excluded by his son's

Question

Hi, I'm typing for my boyfriend. He and I live together for 1-1/2 years. I was recently excluded by his son's wedding. We avoided any awkardness if that was the reason. Now the ex-wife called to invite the ex-husband my boyfriend to their son's 26th Birthday, again to go 40 miles up to where he use to live with his family. I am excluded again, and the only real problem is when he is invited to family gatherings and I am excluded I am left alone. I recently relocated and have no family here of my own. Right now he is my closets family. How should situtations like this be handled? There will be more family events that the ex-wife will want him to attend.
Please give us your advice. signed PrayingAngel



Boyfriend has two kids son going to be 26 and daughter going to be 18. Has been divorced about the same amount of time he and I moved in together.

Answer 1

First of all, I am glad your boyfriend is sitting there next to you! He is good enough to live with you and share that part of his life with you, but not the other? I see a problem, that HE needs to own. He knows exactly whats going on, his manipulating ex wife is controlling the situation, and HE is permitting this to happen. His children are still his children, he is the parent. So WHY is this really happening? Ask him for the truth? What is he scared of? Them all rejecting him? If they all stop "loving" him over you coming, I think the whole dang family has issues. He needs to be a man about it, and be proud to take you. For gosh sakes, he lives with you, and lays his head down next to your each night! His family doesn't have to love you, but they do have to respect you out of love for their father. It's only right. Accepting the changes in their lives- is a part of life. I am sure if the mother found someone new, she would not make him sit home playing cards alone. Good luck!!

Answer 2

I have kids from my 1st ex. they are 25 and 21. Then I have a 9 year old from my 2nd. They include my boyfriend on eveything, a little strange, but cool, mostly for the kids!!! It is called maturity and your boyfriend should realize that! 1-1/2 years is a long time, and for him to ignore you and leave you at home when you can think of too much or you need him to be by YOUR side not his EXES, oh! he should see a shrink! And the ex should TOO!!!! Please this does not sound good. My boyfriend of 3 years plus cannot see his girl because he lives with a woman other than her and he cannot afford an attorney, it hurts. WHY do people have to be such ........Talk to your boyfriend before anymore family get-togethers, cuz now u r family! Or not? ask HIM!

Answer 3

i would seriously be concerned he is your BF and he should not go on these outings without you his ex and his kids have to come to the reality that you are dating him and that you are part of his life. He must also express this to his kids and even his ex wife if they can't handle you coming with him to these functions then you should tell him it's over you can't handle him living a
seperate life then with you. It seems that he doesn't care much for you to leave you at home while he goes to these outings. He must come to the reality that is his old life he is divorced and that he is with you now and so his kids must also come to grips with this change. Ask yourself this if he has already done this to you
with his sons wedding what makes you think he won't do it with anything else. You must be honest if you have to give him an ultimatum nothing harse but just say to him please talk to your kids and your ex. about me and that I'm part of your life and if you do not go with him then you don't see any reason to continue
this relationship. If you are in his life for this amount of time he must start to realize that this crap can't continue. Stop letting him treat you this way. God Bless and may you come to a conclusion that will work for all parties involved.

Answer 4

First of all,your happiness is the most important issue here! u CANNOT keep anyone happy,if he is not happy within his self than u can't make him happy. Also u were doing everything to make him happy? What was he doing for u to make u happy nothing? Ask yourself if u were getting what u what out of the relationship? If he worth fighting for? And no matter how tired a man is, he is going to want to make love to his woman. Even if he falls asleep in the pu**y, he is going for it. If he does not show the same effort in the relationship than he did'nt want the relationship no way! I always say that men use love in vain and if his words don't coordinate w/his actions then leave him alone. Every woman wants to be happy and secure in her relationtionship w/ her man. Your are going to have some ups and downs but is he worth keeping?

Answer 5

if you don't nip this in the bud RIGHT NOW it will only get worse.

Your boyfriend needs to communicate with his ex that he is now in a new relationship and that you are now part of HIS family, and if the invitation does not include you, then he should decline to go.

Also, your boyfriend should be helping you forge a relationship with your step kids. It doesn't matter that they're "grown up" - they may still have all the issues about dad's new love than if they were kids.

PLEASE please please get and read this book: "The Enlightened Stepmother" by Norwood/Wingender ISBN 0- 380-79604-X

It brings up what may be issues for adult children (mostly to do with inheritance and such) and things YOU can do to protect yourself, and to enter into a relationship with your boyfriend with eyes open and all cards on the table.

You deserve to be a full member of your boyfriend's family and that includes his kids (and grandkids, down the road). Especially if you are ever planning on getting married to him.

Answer 6

He is a father of two children, divorce cannot break that relationship or fact.
Marriage is important and his presence as a father is a must for the sake of the son.

Please put yourself in his place, suppose the tables were turned, would you or wouldn't you go for your own childrens' family gatherings if you were invited?

All the best!
Life's Lovely! Love & Live Life!

Answer 7

You aren't his wife ... you are just his girlfriend. They are under no obligation to either include or invite you unless they feel like it.

If your boyfriend is either hosting the event or paying for it, then it's a different story and he can include you without their permission.

People get to choose whom they want at their wedding, birthday, etc and other family events. You may have a great relationship with your boyfriend ... but you aren't a family member. He is.

Answer 8

well I think he should go if he doesn't then his children will resent you for messing with their family But you should also go you are now a big part of his life now and they need to deal with it they are adults and should know how to be polite your boyfriend should put up a fight for you to be able to go. His wife probably has a hard time seeing him with another woman regardless if they are in love or not it would still be very uncomfortable I don't think it is anything personal against you but your boyfriend should step up and and take a stand if he really loves you. Good luck!

Answer 9

well honestly....he should never set himself aside from his children ever!!! That does not mean that you should be excluded, but he should remain a part of their lives indefinitely. His son is 26 ,....sounds to me like he is old enough to understand the challenge his mom is putting on his dad!
Maybe instead of accepting the invitation...dad could make a dinner plan for his son without the "mom"
Tough spot to stand in!!
My only advise is that if the children themselves invite dad to an event...that it should be accepted!!! Good Luck!!!

Answer 10

Get a hotel room or a place in the area where his family lives.

Durring occasions, he can spent the day with his family in his former house, while at night he can spent the night with you in the room/place.

You don't need to be mixed in unless they ask for you.



Personally, I think that until he make peace with his wife and the familly (either remarry her or live separately as boyfriend and girlfriend), I don't think you will be easily accepted by his family. Remember eventhough you're with your boyfriend, you're still a stranger to his family.

A good way to get in good with his family might be to fix up the relationship between your boyfriend and his e-wife.