I am married and comfortable. I am not "in love" with my husband anymore.?

Question

I am not unhappy but I do feel trapped. We have 2 kids. I have suffered a great deal of hurt in my relationship with him. Eventhough he is trying to be better now, my feelings just aren't the same anymore. I want to leave but I am afraid of hurting my kids, and of the unknown. I would love to just be able to muster up the strength but havn't as of yet.

Answer 1

Do you really think you should be on here saying this? Maybe you should be going to talk to your hubby about it and you never know he may feel the same way. How would you feel if he saw this and found out that way before you even talked to him? Think about it.

Answer 2

Oh my God.....don't leave.....that is not the answer.....Go and see a professional if you think there is any hope at all for you.....
I was in the same place 5 years ago....i had also suffered a lot of hurt and i felt trapped and was not unhappy......until i kept thinking about the trapped part and the not "in love" part......then i got more and more unhappy and I stopped communicating with him & began my "long good-bye" in my heart until I left (that took 2 yrs). We have been divorced 3 yrs in Dec......It was the worst thing we could have let happen. You WILL hurt your kids,,,,and you SHOULD be afraid of the unknown....Because it is a lot scarier out there than you can ever imagine....I wish we had gotten help. Our family (2 kids also) will never be the same.....My ex and I are now seeing each other and trying to heal some of the wounds and trying to work through what happened....we are taking it slow and easy.....If we had sought professinal help....or just communicated more,,,a lot of **** could have been avoided. You are dancing on a very dangerous edge.....don't fall off......

Answer 3

Sweetie, you are not exactly where you think you are. Kids change everything. Yes we love them, no we are ot dissapointed that they are here, but, dang, they put a crag in the ole love life dept.....okay so let's be real...if you are not unhappy, then try to be happy. It doesn't sound like you are a bad or selfish person, just one who is going through some normal crap when it comes to having kids, however lovely they are they mess up your love life, of course you feel trapped..you are...
If you are not unhappy, do yourself, your kids, and hub a favor and work on this. When was the last time you had a night out, dressed up, kinda sexy night with hub???? YOu don't feel the same cause you shouldn't feel the same, life is diferent now. Being the mommy sometimes, jsut frankly sucks. But remember, so does being the daddy. If councelling is out of the question then sit down and soberly talk about your goals, calmly, not yelling allowed and try to figure out what has gone wrong. Doesn't sound to me like this one is over, talk,not nag, just talk, tell him why you loved him in the first place and then pause, see what he comes up with...take even just a date night off from the kids...
You will hurt your kids if you can not mend this with hub, but just think what a great example you could set if you were able to ge over the storm and make it through the rain. I am thinkin you can do it, do it for the kids, a bit of uneasiness is no reason to end it, been there, done that, have regretted it ever since. good luck and god bless.

Answer 4

Listen, i was in the same boat 13 yrs ago. I was married 15 yrs and had 2 children. I felt the same Way. I finally chose to get a divorce because i could no longer to pretend and try to be everything everyone wanted me to be. I had lost myself somewhere in all that. It was a painful experience because I did hurt my husband , he did not want a divorce and didn't care whether i had fallen out of love with him. But i had to go , I didn't like feeling NUMB. As, far as your kids if they are up in age they know something isn't right. If there small it wont make a difference. But only you can decide what you are willing to sacrifice for your happiness. Sometimes the cost is to great and people remain in loveless relations just muddling through. Only you can decide cost you are willing to pay to be happy. I gave my husband everything when i left cause i did feel bad, and i didn't have to . but we are friends now and that is ok. I have worked and bought my home have a new car, my children are grown and i am happy.

Answer 5

I think you need to give it some more time. And kids do matter, and to the kids you matter too.

Your man seems to improving according to you - well marriage is a two way affair, so do you or don't you need to also encourage and help improve things?

Remember time is the biggest healer, maybe if you start dwelling on the poritives only of the man ? Are you sure that the next person you live with will be any better?

Leaving is the easy part. Do you think it will be as easy to return, if you even want to? Life for your husband and kids may have moved on with no place for you by then.
Life's Lovely! Love & Live Life!

Answer 6

I would suggest spiritual counseling. It's apparent that you love your husband ; enough to stay even if it's for face value, but that's not enough, eventually that will wear off.

You might have some deep routed issues blocking you from forgiving your husband from past wrongs he's done.

Just know this: God has forgiven you for all that you've done to offend him, surely you can forgive your husband for the things he's done to you. Unforgiveness has alot of consequences, such as bitterness, resentment, hatred, and let's not talk about the physical effects of unforgiveness: sleeplessness, headaches, joint ache, high blood pressure, all these things are a result of unforgiveness.

Please forgive, God is grieved by your unforgiveness..

Answer 7

Let me tell you a short story.After I separated, I met a guy who knew my wiife,and family, for many years. He asked me how she was and I told him of the separation and the pending divorce. I'll always remember what he said."I wish I had the guts to do that."He was miserable,married many years but felt the effort , divorce, wasn't worth it .He was comfortable, a change in the routine, oh god,too much trouble.So, what is left for him? Not a damn thing. GO, AND FIND YOU! FYI I was.married 25 yrs. Am in a great relationship now and love her so very much.

Answer 8

Marriage is commitment....Correct?

Love too is commitment. Don't see it as a feeling.
If you LOVE someone, you help that person even if it bothers you.
If you LOVE someone, you will give your kidney to that person - no matter what the pain or risk.
If you LOVE someone, you'll be with that person during the good and the bad.

LOVE is COMMITMENT. MARRIAGE IS COMMITMENT.
LOVE takes work, too often people don't work to keep it up and up. It can bring you down - but remember, love is not always about being happy (like my wife thinks, she filed for divorce).
It's commitment that requires work.

Answer 9

Well I don;t know what to say, if you are hurt and don't think you can overcome those feelings than why stay? If you feel that you might forgive and forget than I say stick it out since we don't know what hurt you in the first place. Everyone feels stuck every once in a while in fact I feel it now but I plan to stick it out and hope for the best. I unlike you don't have children but yes you need to think about them first, be there for your kids but also take care of yourself to.

Answer 10

How did the 5 year old get into a 2 year old marriage? You got what you asked for. He already proved that he was not marriage material and you went ahead with all your junk anyway. Don't come crying now.