Not to mention take a chance at losing your house, car, and everything you've worked for.
2006-11-11 08:45:30 · 19 answers · asked by Insight 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kids, a house, a car has never to my knowledge kept a marriage together. A lot of married couples stay together for the children, but in the long run its the children who suffer. Children arent silly, they would be picking up on your unhappiness, so dont be fooled, staying for the sake of the kids doesnt help anyone. Just because you and your spouse divorce, doesnt mean you will lose your kids. You are divorcing your spouse, not your kids.
In saying that however, if there is any kind of love there...do you think it could be rekindled? If you think it can, then there are very experienced people out there who would be able to help.....but you have got to want it. You have got to want to get your feelings back for your spouse, otherwise it is a wasted exercise.
I certainly understand you not wanting to lose what you have worked so hard to get, but let me ask you this. In 10 years time, if you stay because of the material things, then you will only get more miserable as time goes on, and eventually the house will mean nothing because you will be craving some happiness.
Its a huge move, but people make it every day. There is certainly an adjustment period, but people go on and become successful and happy. You can have it all....including the happiness. There is Life after Divorce....I guarantee it, and if you are as miserable as you say, then really what is going to be achieved if you stay?
The hardest decision for anyone to make is to leave. You have to decide that first, then you will know what to do. You have 3 options....1. Work on your marriage, see if you cant get the feelings back. 2. Leave the misery you are feeling and take a chance at life and happiness. 3. Live like this and be miserable.
If you choose to leave, you will not lose your kids...like I said you are not divorcing them. If you do decide to leave then you really need to make that very clear to your kids, that Mummy and Daddy cant live together any more, but we both love you just as much as ever, etc etc.
Whatever decision you make, I wish you the best.
2006-11-11 09:06:52 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only reason you think you are going to loose "everything" is because half of what little you have is not much. The only reason you have what you have (your home, material items and children) is because of you and your wife worked darn hard making this little nest. If you break the family apart why shouldn't she be entitled to half? It is only fair. (She winds up with as little as you) But aside from the financial saga of you and your wife...your children will loose out the biggest. I bet you feel your kids are "old enough to take it" (probably 5 and up). This is garbage about kids are better off in a broken home. There is no reason your children should even know about you being miserable.
I bet your wife is just a miserable. May I suggest you take a serious look at what is making you miserable and if your only reason is "you found someone you like better" that is a sorry reason. Because you know why.. I could find 1000 women that you "like better". The only reason you think they are better is because they are new. Correct whatever is making you "miserable" in your marriage. Believe me it is 100% better than starting over. Do all these divorced people walking around with a chip on their shoulder look happy to you?
2006-11-11 09:04:01 · answer #2 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your in a bad spot...depends on the state, not all states give fathers custody...it also depends on whether you can work and accommodate the actual raising of the kids if they are under 14.
If there is no hope in reconcilliation, then make the break or at least start formulating a plan...just remember, if you are unhappy so is the other person and they may be planning the same thing. Start watching your finances really hard...and start looking for boxes of stuff being stored away, especially if it s "new" stuff...and start paying close attention to their behavior patterns and look for changes or swings (Up or Down - Good or Bad) and cconfront them if needed...otherwise keep planning. And pay attention to what you can walk away from and what you can't...lastly, remember that some states do wage garnishment for child support which can be as high as 20%....that may put a dent in your plans...but you may as well consider the house gone because if wither of you cannot support it, the state may make you sell it and divide the profit as community property if there is any profit to the sell, just something to keep in mind as you plan...
2006-11-11 08:56:06 · answer #3 · answered by Mr Clean 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work on the marriage. It worked before, try to get back to that. Talk to your wife, ask her how she thinks everything is going and can be changed for the better.
If not, consider moving next door, or above the garage or something. If you keep everything friendly there is no reason you can't go the "Mrs. Doubtfire" routine. Well, without the old lady clothes anyway. You and your wife still share the kids, just not the house.
Good luck
2006-11-11 08:53:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Think of the quality of time you will spend with your kids, not the quantity of time. I know it is hard to think of only seeing them half the time, but I am sure you will be a lot happier person, therefor an even better parent. You wont lose everything you will get half of everything you purchased during marriage. Get a good lawyer and they can guide you with what to do and what to expect. Life is too short to be unhappy. Divorce should be last resort, after you have tried counseling and other avenues. Best of luck.
2006-11-11 10:02:52 · answer #5 · answered by Carey L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't seem like you want to leave, and with so many kids growing up without Dads, I hope you don't. The best thing you can do is try everything you can to make your marriage work. Marriage is hard, it takes a lot of work, patience, understanding and forgiveness. If it were easy, there wouldn't be such a high rate of divorce. Put in the extra effort, you will be glad you did.
2006-11-11 08:55:51 · answer #6 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love this question. If it were me - and I am being completely serious because I feel your situation - I would turn up the love juice in that marriage like that woman doesn't believe. I'd become the perfect, doting, attentive husband of her dreams, because this then of course spurs the woman to do something idiotic like cheat for no apparent reason, with another man. Simply be perfect and wonderful. She'll then screw it up. When she does, you be ready with your attorneys, divorce her for adultery, et voila: the house and car are yours, you get custody of the kids, and she gets to move on with her life shaking her head at herself asking "Why did I do something so stupid?" not even realizing that you played her. Good luck.
Marriage is RIDICULOUS. I wish you well in getting out of it.
2006-11-11 08:56:16 · answer #7 · answered by Heather M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nothing you do is going to be ok. Divorce sucks-nobody wins, but staying in a miserable marriage sucks too. Get some counselling before you make any decision. However you slice it, you're going to lose something, so you need to decide what's most important to you.
2006-11-11 08:56:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think of you'll be able to desire to ask your self: are different pastures somewhat greener? you'll be able to desire to locate yet another love-of-your-existence, yet lower back, you'll be able to desire to not. consistent with possibility you'll be able to desire to locate issues your spouse and you will do collectively, and consistent with possibility her goals lie in the residing house the place yours do not, yet it is not unavoidably a undesirable concern. If she became into working, your babies does not earnings from her a hundred% interest- which it is large that they do! once you're apprehensive approximately her seems, why not recommend she bypass to a spa or take her someplace extreme high quality the place she desires to placed on makeup- staying at residing house all day does not somewhat bypass away lots time for self-pampering. those different women human beings you spot are probable single women human beings, or youthful specialists. in the event that they settled down in the residing house, they does not look that extreme high quality, the two. you'll be able to desire to attempt going to a well being club collectively- if she's gained slightly weight and further on the mum-tummy she could desire to sense like there is not any reason to dress up, or placed on makeup. you may not make a silk handbag from a sow's ear with slightly mascara, and he or she probable feels that's a waste... determining could energize you the two and make her sense sturdy approximately herself, provide you something to speak approximately and her a sparkling physique to dress up and instruct off for you. maximum severely: talk over together with her, and clarify which you're feeling your lives are transforming into to be too settled and gentle, which you're feeling the stress of being the only working service and which you somewhat prefer to locate new and exciting issues to convey a spark lower back into your marriage. you'll be able to desire to locate that she feels the comparable way!
2016-10-17 03:56:36 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek counseling. If you are unable to reconcile, then file for divorce. You don't want to stay with someone just for your childrens sake. They can tell when you are unhappy.
As far as your car, house, etc., I really don't think you stand to lose everything. You will have to split the assets acquired during your marriage with your wife, and hopefully will be able to obtain joint custody of your children.
Your best bet is to see a lawyer and discuss the possibilities with them. They will be able to give you the best advice.
2006-11-11 08:51:30 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs.Gaddis 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋