How to deal with your boyfriend's ex-wife?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two months. He just finalized his divorce from a 3-year marriage a few days ago. The day the divorce was complete, his ex-wife told him she still loved him and wanted to try things again. They seperated 4 times in the three years they were married.
He told me he doesn't want her to be sad and he doesn't want to hurt her, but I am convinced she is just messing with his mind and trying to screw things up between us.
Should I give him time and space to sort things out? Or just continue letting this woman stay in the back of my mind..always wondering "is he wishing I was her right now?"
He told me he knows they were never meant to be together, that I am his soulmate, and I do think his love and affection are genuine. How do I ditch the ex-wife baggage myself if he has already? Thankfully, they have no children together to give him a reason to feel guilty on that level.

Answer 1

It doesn't sound like he *has* ditched the ex-wife bggage. Even if a marriage has been troubled or seems totally over, the actual divorce decree can stir things up emotionally for some folks. I would give him space for closure with his ex-wife. You deserve for him to be focussed on you in your relationship, not on her.

She probably is messing with his mind. It sounds like she's doing a pretty good job of it and that he's letting her. Lots of guys are suckers for a "poor pitiful me" story from a woman.

I think you should tell him that you will wait until she is out of his life before getting more deeply involved with him. If he is serious about his relationship with you, he will get things settled with his ex in a hurry.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

It sounds like she is messing with his head, but you guys have only dated for 2 months and if its over (his marriage) it is over for a reason, my grandmother always said, never get back with your ex because you will be quickly reminded of why they were your ex in the first place. Personally, you two haven't been together long enough to have anything invested, if I were you I would give him some time and space to deal with his baggage (no email, phone calls or visits) and you can cut your losses and move on and you might just meet someone new who doesn't have that type of nonsense going on. I wouldn't break up with him on bad terms, just talk to him and let him know it is not working out, he is encouraging her behavior by entertaining her, please move on and let those two holds hands and be together. Some people do get back together after they divorce and even go as far as remarrying -that may the direction their headed in...RUN !!!!

Answer 4

This woman has had three more than 3 yrs with this man. The divorce is final and she needs to move on. Sometime its easier said than done. She still cares for this man but he doesnt feel the same way dont make the ex a big issue if he isnt. If you are this soulmate then you know that things will work for you.

Answer 5

Since they do not have any children together, and they are divorced, your boyfriend shouldn't worry about how she feels. They really don't have any reason to see or talk to each other any more, so I would tell your boyfriend how you feel and if his love and affection is genuine he will be glad to forget about the past and move forward with you. And if the ex-wife insists on contacting him let her know where you stand and tell her to back off.

Answer 6

This will be difficult to do...but back away and give him some space...see what happens. If he's still so concerned about her happiness and whether or not she's hurting, then he should NOT have started a relationship with you. Seems now that either you or his ex will be left hurting. My advice is to tell him you will give him the time and space he needs, but you won't wait forever. If he has truly gotten past the ex...then you have to put the past in the past and not talk about her or think about her...just move forward with your life with him

Answer 7

If he is even remotely contemplating that relationship, you need to dump him and move on, otherwise that will always be between you. If she is the problem then you answer the phone from now on and make it clear that he belongs to you...(regardless of how independent you two are)...but he has to be supportive of you, if he is not, then let him go...there are plenty of other men who do not have baggage out there...that is what you want in the long run anyway, him to dump the baggage. If he can't, you know what to do...if he can, you two need to be unified in front of the ex so that she gets discouraged....it won't be easy....

Answer 8

It's a tough question... Please, give him time and space. He has a new life now and he feels like he is out of order. Wait a couple of days and ask him:Do you love me or her? Tell me the truth. It will be the best for all of us. If he says that he loves you and not her then live happy because you deserve that, but if he says the opposite, i am really sorry about this but i think that you have to go away from his before you be hurt more. Good luck.

Answer 9

She probably knows he will be like this, hence she is "working him"! She was married to him for 3 years, so no doubt she knows his weaknesses.

I would probably tell him that until she finds a new man, she will always be focusing on what went wrong with them, and trying to get him back (she still loves him if she wants to try things again).

I would tell him your concerns and tell him to give her some distance for a while (say 6 months no contact) If he can't make that kind of commitment to you, then I would be suspicious as to why.

Answer 10

Work on your relationship with him- not his relationship with the other woman. It's a blessing to have a man without children. Rare. Trust him when he says she is not the one for him and that you are. It's normal for him to still care about her feelings but she will be okay. In time she will be out of the picture unless you keep bringing her up.