Me & my ex have 3 kids so yes we have to have contact. My ex is remarried & I don't really have a problem with her. But any time him & I talk my boyfriend acts like I've cheated on him. He says I shouldn't be laughing or smiling or talking for that long. If I call my ex to let him know of an activity for one of the kids or just to tell him something about the kids my current asks me why do you have to tell him? My current has an evil ex & they share 2 kids so she doesn't share anything with him & he basically has to notify her by ceritfied mail with return receipt because she is such an idiot and uses the kids. Me & my ex get along & have no problems for the most part. We had one MAJOR issue that caused us to divorce which in turn had other issues brought into the marriage. He didn't help raise them but has taken in interest in their lives and I want to help him with that so I communicate with him. So why does my current feel it's wrong?
2006-11-11 07:10:23 · 14 answers · asked by tygernside 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
FYI - I don't plan on getting remarried so I'm not concerned on how he would be as a step parent. No we don't fight and keep adult conversations out of hearing distance from the kids. I also don't allow him to tell me how to be or what to say. I am who I am and I am friends with my ex & don't see an issue with it. I am mom & the ex is dad and there are 3 kids we share together.
2006-11-11 07:31:52 · update #1
i feel horrible saying this because my children also have a step father but,,they are your kids at the end of the day and if you are given the choice of how you want your kids to see how you and their father can get on for their benefit,you would pick this way,?,the fact your boyfriend doesnt fully understand really isnt your problem,,what options do you truly have,,ok,,1, you do as your boyfriend wishes and halt reasonable contact,,start writing letters stating what would usually be nothing but a five minute phone call,,stop being flexible so their father may just think,,"this is too hard like this" and stop seeing the children,,be snappy on the phone and make yourself and the kids miserable,,,not try to make the children see that seeing their father,,to you,,is important for them,,or,,2,allow for the fact your boyfriend needs to consider his role in his own childrens lives,,talk to him about,,if he had the choice,how would it be for him and his ex,,,admit that it doesnt cause any problems but what his insecurities make,admit he doesnt know how to do this right,,,,its a tough call i know but the way i see it,,,what can you do,option one will solve nothing and make life so hard it will impact on every day of your lives,option two will either make a better boyfriend and father to you and his own children if he just admits to himself that your way is better.its about balls hun,,can he grow bigger ones because all i see is in your home,,it is you who is the stronger player and the stronger player always wins,,unless you purposely opt to lose.take your choice.
2006-11-11 07:29:50 · answer #1 · answered by lex 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well she can record her convos but that is illegal in court and cant be used so unless she is going to be doing this for proof to a cps worker the woman's nuts then it wont do her much good! If she is in fact crazy then IF a call is made then nothing will come of it I mean cps is trained to know when it is something like that if the woman is obviously crazy then it will be obvious to them as well!However do you know that the fact is the woman is crazy I mean she feels some reason to have to do these things yeah there are woman out there that are over the top about things I'm not saying this woman is not in fact a loon !I'm saying 80% of the cases the ex gf is always the crazy ***** of an ex why is this??Because the new gf don't like to think he could have had a good person b4 her of course none of us wants to think that there life did not even begin until they met us! And the man is always gonna say she was this she was that and she very well may have been some of the things he says and did some of the things hes telling but what caused these things and is he telling the whole story at all or just what he needs to tell to make himself out to be the wonderful guy that we are sure he is!! I'm not in no way taking up for this woman I'm simply saying there are three sides to ever story his version her version and the truth!!! Your Friend might do herself some good in listening to the crazy loon cause she knows him better than anyone it may very well save her some heartache in the end!!
2016-05-22 05:36:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your current boyfriend has an issue with insecurity. This is already a red flag for upcoming issues/ disagreements in your relationship. He refuses to trust that your heart is with him...don't you find that disturbing? Jealousy IS NOT love. It's a form of self-hatred and a way to control the other person. You have a valid reason for having contact with the father of your children and if your boyfriend has trouble tolerating that idea, I would reconsider the relationship. What's most important id the kids' welfare. They have a father who wants to be involved in their life- today, that is a blessing as there are way too many dead-beats out there. Your children will not grow up feeling animosity or rejection from their father if he is constantly in touch with their lives. If you are not socializing with their father as a buddy but rather congenial and mature towards each other, you have done NOTHING wrong! This ideal for the kids' sanity! Have a one-on-one peaceful talk with your boyfriend. Explain to him that you would rather be civil with the kids' father for the kids' sakes. Tell him you are doing your best to prevent all the drama that your boyfriend has with his ex from happening with you& the kids. He might have a bad case of low self-worth if he questions your feelings towards him. Perhaps he has issues with trust from his previous relationship. Don't act nasty towards your ex-husband just because your boyfriend will feel better and more reassured. How classy and mature is that?! You're doing perfectly fine the way things are right now. Remember: It's all about the kids' best interests.
2006-11-11 07:29:40 · answer #3 · answered by Suz E. Home BAKER 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
most guys have a problem with their gf being friends with their ex..But the fact that there are kids involved i guess you need to tell your bf to get use to the fact cause thats the way it has to be and tell him if he doesnt like it then to f* off cause i believe the childrens happiness is most important! I would give your ex major credit for even being in the childrens life right now and maybe your current should as well! but maybe he is just insecure and you need to let him know that you love him not your ex..there will always be a bound between you and your ex because of the kids...maybe your current acts that way because his ex isnt like you with your ex..!
2006-11-11 07:23:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you spend a lot of time laughing & talking with your ex after you've discussed the children? If you do, he may feel threatened by your ex-husband & wonder if your ex is more important to you than he is. Ask yourself: Do you enjoy talking with your ex more than you do talking with your current boyfriend? If you were to limit your discussions with your ex to your children & other family concerns, your current guy might stop complaining about your phone calls. It would mean compromising on your part - which is not necessarily a bad thing.
If he still complains, then he is jealous & jealousy is hard to overcome. At that point I would look for someone more mature. But I would still limit your conversations with your ex - his wife would probably appreciate it also.
2006-11-11 07:35:22 · answer #5 · answered by Judith 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He might feel insecure, Some people fear that communicating with your ex could lead to a new spark with the ex. And with his own ex being hard to deal with and he can't communicate with her on a resonable level that you should also handle your ex in the same way. You need to let him know that with minor children you need to have contact with your ex to ensure your children will grow up with a happy healthy family life. Assure him that you have no interest out side of your raising your children with your ex. I hope I have been some help. I am a divorced woman with a 12 year old son ( the other son's are grown up now) but I am able to have civil contact with my ex regarding my son. This makes life easier and healthier for all involved!
2006-11-11 07:34:58 · answer #6 · answered by Robin L 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem. Your ex is seeing that you are doing better. And thats the way it should be. When my boyfriend started moaning about my good relationship with my ex I said "We have exchanged genes, I washed his shitty underwear, I let gas go under the bed sheets and he smelled it - I think this is enough reason for us to still get along". I told him that I am a woman with a child and that child has a father and I will not one day be confronted by my kid(s) that I did not do my best to make them good people. And to make good people you have to have a good relationship with your parents, but if you parents dont talk and trust eachother what will that tell them about relationships?? I think you are going to have to change the subject from your good relationship to his bad relationship. It looks like there are some deep issues with your friend. PS if you two fight about this infront of the kids, DONT.
2006-11-11 07:23:43 · answer #7 · answered by eidunotno 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is great if you can have a good relationship with your ex. Most people don't and you have kids so that is really important. You should reassure your boy friend that you are just friends with your ex and explain that you care about him but that your mariage falled and you still think of him as a friend but that you don't have any interest in your ex that way. If your boyfriend still has a problem then I guess it is good to know now how insecure he is. You have had enough trouble in your life without this guy adding too it, who is he to make life difficult for your family?
2006-11-11 07:19:06 · answer #8 · answered by Constant_Traveler 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend sounds like an immature twerp. When you consider you had three children with this man, the history, and the need to remain civil I don't understand how phone calls and the occasional laugh are cheating.
Your boyfriend needs to grow up, find some self confidence and find some trust in you. If he doesn't, then he is not step father material much less father material.
If you were sneaking around that is one thing, but up front, open, and honest communication is needed for the well being of the children.
2006-11-11 07:16:23 · answer #9 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am in exactly the same position as your current, except my partner has 2 kids by her first marriage. When her ex comes to pick up the kids they talk and laugh together. So what ! I am afraid your current is acting like a child, if he doesn't trust you he should find someone he can trust, but I don't think he could ever trust anyone !
2006-11-11 07:29:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋