Should I divorce???

Question

Six months ago I told my wife I want a divorce. It has taken me years to come to this decision. For years she made me feel terrible about myself. One day I decided I couldn't take it any more and refused to let her bully me and to stop always caving in to her. She had said numerous times that she was unhappy, wanted to leave and leave me with the children-2 sons, that I should find someone else, that it was her and not me. We tried counseling a few years back, but only after I wrote her a letter. That attempt failed miserably.

Two months prior to telling her I wanted a divorce, she told me that it was ok if I didn’t love her anymore and if it was over to just tell her. I guess I wasn’t ready and said lets just wait a little longer. I get up the nerve to tell her I want a divorce and she flips out completely. The next day we talk and she goes on how she wants to counseling and I caved in. Here we are 6 months later and I am still unhappy. I dont feel for her the way she does about me.

I feel pressured to change my mind. I resent the fact that when the marriage was in crisis I was left holding the bag alone, finally gave up and then took a long time coming to terms with that and what it would do to my family; but now three or four years after the initial crisis point she finally wants to make it work and I am supposed to try to feel something emotionally that I gave up a long time ago. I don’t hate her I care about her but I cringe at the thought of spending the rest of my life with her.

. Finally it came out that she was seeing a therapist for the last two or three months and felt she was now in better place to address our relationship

Now she wants the kids and say she never meant any of it in he past.

?

Answer 1

In my case we got a divorce. We were not happy too. We understood that time can change love. We have a little girl. We moved into the same street our little girl had two rooms. We had to talk more on the phone almost daily because of our child. We helped eachother out with money, and we still do. He has a new wife and she and I are best friends. All around us (who are also divorced) think we are special people, but we are not. We are people with a mind and heart. We are now a patchwork family. This all happend 10 years ago, and we are all still happy. If you decide to divorce make sure you and your ex stay friends, no hard feeling, understand that you two are humans with kids. And if you two can divorce and still be friends with happy kids - you will turn out great. Remeber the way you act will one day come back to you - see you kids. One more thing, the people around u who are unhappy in thier lives will give you slack if you and your ex are getting along. Dont let them put you two down, they do this because they themselves are unable to change their life.
I hope this will help.

Answer 2

Should you break a vow? Should you quit? Should you seek advice from a bunch of people who have also quit?

NO NO NO

Grandma B, has the right attitude and says boldly what you know already. You did focus on divorce and bailing for a long time rather than loving, honoring and cherishing her till death do you part. Do you think wives don't feel that? Sense that? Hurt about that? Your thoughts and patterns have created problems and your wife's response to that is what is making you CRINGE, NOT YOUR WIFE! If you were thinking "I love her, I adore her, I need her" don't you think the responses would be what you want today? Yes they would.

I agree with Grandma B, though it's not the popular view, however the popular view today is filled with brokenness, break ups and few take the hard road.

It's time for people to seek the hard road and remember the promise "better or worse" "rich or poor" When saying that in the marriage people are happy, but many fail to live up to it. Be the man of your vow. When you make it thru this, you will have made it "thru" it will be behind you and you can advise & be an example to others.


I did read the book by Ed. Wheat, I recommend that one too.

Answer 3

It sounds like you and your wife both have some issues that need to be addressed in counseling.

As you've described it, she sounds too controlling and you sound like you have zero assertiveness.

If she had been seeing a therapist secretly, then it is probably true that she is better able to cope with your relationship problems now. Make the most of that opportunity. Don't let bitterness get in the way.

Instead, make it clear to her how she has hurt you and make it equally clear to her that you intend to work on forgiving her (as she, no doubt, will have to forgive you).

Your feelings for her are more or less irrelevant at this point. If you are like millions of other married couples, you made promises on your wedding day. Keep them. You didn't make those just to her, you made them to yourself and to God.

I know there is a long and difficult road ahead, but now is not the time to give up, it sounds instead like time to persevere.

Answer 4

NEVER! You're description plainly indicates you have been considering it, thinking on it and dwelling on divorce for years instead of repair, rekindling, keeping it together. Your desire & thoughts of leaving created an atmosphere of instability! She has responded to your vibes and felt that for years. The consequence of that thinking is now evident and you want to bail?

You lost site of the love, the romance, the committment, the vow. Your wife's low self esteem has been evident and building her up should have been the focus instead of contiplating divorce and leaving.

I suggest that before you make a decision to divorce that you give the same intense thinking and consideration of repairing this marraige as you did thinking of "escape".

Happiness is not our mates responsibility, it is our choice. It is a choice we make every day. Don't put that on your mate, it's not fair or just. SEEK advice from people who made it thru together! Too many people seek advice from others who have 1 broken relationship after another. You will get the same from those.

AND, we don't base our life on FEELINGS! We don't always feel like doing stuff but we know what's right and we do it anyway. Feelings change like the wind and they too are a choice to keep or discard for another.

There is a small paperback book that will take 1 day of your time readin. I suggest reading it and I believe your ideas, thoughts and reasons for negativity will be removed, it's well worth it. You've invested a number of years into this marriage, what is a day of reading a small 200 page book compared to that? Give it a shot

"Love life for every married couple" by Dr. Ed Wheat.

For her, I'd suggest 2 books by Joyce Meyer "Me and my big mouth" and "Beauty for Ashes" She needs to build herself up and learn to keep negative words far away.

Answer 5

It sound like your wife is bipolor. Dealing with someone with Bipolar is exhausting. You have done everything you could to make your marriage work. It is also not healthy for the children because they sense it. Take your children and get out. If you rather just get a legal seperation for now, then do that. I applaud you for trying to hang in there with your wife. Most men would have cheated by now. I wish you luck in your decision, but think about your sons this time.

Answer 6

A freedom or a suitable is a state granted permission to do something interior a undeniable potential that they later set with lawsuits. that's a comedian tale. All of politics is a comedian tale. Telling somebody they're allowed to be unfastened isn't actual freedom and is even worse being a entire perversion of what a suitable or freedom somewhat is.

Answer 7

Then get out now ! Things aren't gonna change between you two . Maybe a separation will help your relationship or it might be the best thing that has ever happened . I wish when i was going thru what you are right now i didn't waste time trying to work it out and i would've left .Life is too short to spend one minute in agony and misery .Believe me things won't change . Good luck to you!

Answer 8

No, you should stick with it and turn your focus to your wifes needs rather than yours. It's amazing how your needs will be met beyond imagination when you are unselfish like that. Give and it will be given to you is not just a saying God came up with but truth if you do it.

A man who finds a wife finds a treasure. Treasure is to be cherished. It's not always easy but nothing worth saving is! It is hard work and the work is worth it.

Answer 9

It sounds like you can advice I recieved from a therapsit. Read a book called stop walking on eggshells. It is how to deal with people who act like your wife. there are several different strategies.

take it easy brother. get out if you think thats what is best. It was the best thing for me and is an acceptable way to deal with someone.

Answer 10

Only you know when a divorce is right. It will be hard on you and your children but what is harder, living with her or getting a divorce.

I suggest you talk to a divorce lawyer about pre-divorce planning so you are in the best possible position when you decided to take the step