i am a married 19 yr old and we have a 15 month old baby. we got married when i was 17, but now im regretting it. dont get me wrong, i wld do it all over again just for my little one because i love him so much, but everything else seems to have gone pear-shaped with my husband. firstly on his stag night he wrote an email to another woman saying "im getting married tomorrow but its u ill always love" - i found out after being married for a few weeks, then he asked me to convert to islam (his religion) and stopped me drinking, then he threw out all my clothes he didnt like without consulting me, and now he threatens to have an affair or to hit me when we argue. he says if our son turns out bad it will be me who he blames and if he is not religious enough, he will take him to pakistan to live and i wont c him again, i still love him but i cant trust him and he is very secretive, but if i divorce i will feel like a failure.
2006-11-11 06:46:34 · 32 answers · asked by katie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to someone at his mosque. Muslims don't allow this kind of behaviour, as far as I know. Remind him that Muslims aren't allowed to have affairs. If you aren't willing to embrace his religion, it probably won't work. You might want to see a lawyer to protect your rights in case things go haywire. Go to a women's shelter and they will organize a free session with a lawyer for you.
2006-11-11 06:51:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You need to leave this man and the sooner the better. However how you go about this is going to be hard, since he has threaten to take your son to Pakistan. Firstly if you divorce him you will not be a failure, you would be doing the right thing.
You may love him, but you love yourself and your son a lot more, and considering that he is threatening to hit you you need to leave for your own safety. He has no right to say to stop you from drinking, or throw away your clothes, he is not your father and before he met you used to drink and you had these clothes. Also why should you convert of his relgion. If you are close to your parents or if you have any relations that live a fare distant away I think that now would be a good time to go and see them, and let them know about your situation and hopefully they should be able to help you. You are still young and you have your whole life a head of you. You need to get out of this unhealthy situation, while you can
2006-11-11 22:40:18 · answer #2 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of people feel like a failure either before or while contemplating separation/divorce. I don't really know how serious your husband is about removing your child and taking him to Pakistan, but if you think that he may actually follow through on these threats then I'd suggest that you would be best to get out of the situation now and perhaps go to a women's shelter where they can advice you better on your rights etc. You may also want to speak with a lawyer and the police to find out what you can do legally to stop him from taking this boy to his homeland. I have seen many news articles in print and on the TV where a man has taken a child to some foreign country and their wife and the child's mother had to fight for years (sometimes unsuccessfully) to have their child extradited back to where the mom is. This is no laughing matter and as such you may not want to give your husband any idea that you are planning of even considering moving out, as this would give him time to make arrangements prior to your leaving to leave the county with the child. I would suggest that if you want to maintain custody of the child etc. that you get some form of legal expertise immediately and get yourself moved into a shelter where you will be protected and males (including ex husbands) are not allowed to visit for your own safety. Best of luck and I do hope that this advice was helpful and not scary for you, as it was not meant to be so.
2006-11-11 06:57:45 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First things first love, go see a solicitor about preventing your husband taking your son abroad and once that's all in place, wait until your husbands out and then take just what you need/can carry and take your son. If you have no family or friends to help you seek help at a refuge centre. They should be listed in the phone book. Failing that, go to your doctors or the hospital, they will be able to contact someone to help you. I really wish you lots and lots of luck. Be brave x
2006-11-11 09:19:58 · answer #4 · answered by Sue S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the end of the day you will do what you want to but it sounds as if this relationship was over before it ever started. Is he British? You are still so young, your son deserves better. Rather a happy single mom than a scared insecure married one. Don't look at it like a failure, you've just learned one of life's lessons, let go and move on xxx
2006-11-11 07:01:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You've only got yourself to blame for the position you have put you and your innocent little child in.
Why on earth do you silly girls think that you can live a normal kind of life with a foreigner.
You have nothing in common,stick to your own race,the problems are hard enough then let alone with someone of a different race and religion. You will have problems,especially if you are thinking of taking his child away.
2006-11-13 22:18:19 · answer #6 · answered by animalwatch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how come????you still love him & the same time you cant trust him ,this is soooo opposite,you know ...love is trust....& without trust .....no love.....and..you said he love another woman...oooh and plus all that he want you to convert to islam what more than that ...,you should leave him right away ,dont worry about you baby.its better for you & 4 ur baby than live in that threaten life .in the muslim religion men can marry more than one,or even bring you home to live with him by force ,so talk to a lawyer to help you.you will have total costedy for your baby.if you do sooo you win your life& dont feel like a failure....you're the winner 4 sure .good luck .my heart & soul are with you.i will pray for you.if you need to talk with me ,i m a stay at home mom(25 years).you will be more than welcom .cause talking make you feel better.good luck.
2006-11-11 07:42:57 · answer #7 · answered by celina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey please! this is the sign of an abusive relationship. dont feel liek a failure if you leave. you will only become a stronger person out of it! im 19 too. please leave him, you know the situation is bad. you deserve way better! he's already disrespecting you! and he's threatening to have an affair thats not a husband....you are going to be in an abusive relationship int he long run. it will be you and your baby's interest to get out asap! go move in with your family or other relatives till you are stable enough to live on your own again. please leave him, you do not want to raise yoru child in that kind of environment and put your life and emotions in jepoardy. please be strong and leave him, do ot feeelliek a failure you will only become a stronger person from it! pleasee leave him even though you love him. its not the best for either of you, dont trust him. leave him and you will be stronger. you and your child will be ALOT better off without him..
BE STRONG!
best wishes and good luck
-morgan
2006-11-11 07:11:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey I'm on my 2nd divorce but I know what you mean-
Men have it so easy,so long as you have your child nothing else matters.Never give up your power as a mum.
You are not a failure-
But you would be if your child was affected by your relationship.
Don't sell yourself short
I wasted 10 years of my life on violent husbands,which started when I was 18.
You are a valid human being,if you are unhappy then so will your child be.
2006-11-11 08:58:59 · answer #9 · answered by Elle J Morgan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you married a very religious muslim to me. how much did you know about the religion before you got married? im not sure you could file for a divorce, i think hed have to sign the papers, it sounds like its really not a good situation. Id find somewhere else to stay if you want out of it, and get a restraining order against him.
As for taking the baby back to pakistan, hed have to win custody if he doesnt kidnap the kid, and that might take years in court.
anything you decide to do, i wish you the best of luck, it sounds like a difficult situation for anyone to deal with.
2006-11-11 06:51:49 · answer #10 · answered by crikeyme_mate 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should go; get a divorce, get sole custody of your child. If he takes the child to Pakistan you'll never see him again. It's not about being a failure, it's about doing the right thing for your son and yourself.
2006-11-11 07:46:13 · answer #11 · answered by F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋