My MIL is controlling my husband like a little boy he always listen to her and cannot stand up to her. How do i put her in her place and let her know that she is not a part of my marriage and now that her son is married to me i'm the woman of his life and not her?
she is very possessive of her son even though he is almost 35 years old but she always acts with authority and he acts like a little kid. I want to show her that she cannot control him any longer and mess in our lifes!
2006-11-11 06:41:55 · 17 answers · asked by Jessica L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're looking at this the wrong way. What you have to realize is that HE has to stop her, you can't. If they are that close you will only become their common enemy if you attack her. What you need to do is talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. Remember to be respectful of his mother. He may be telling you that he doesn't like the way she "butts" into your relationship but, trust me he's not telling his mom that. Maybe you should try to be friends with her. You both love the same man, right? That's your first thing that you have in common. Build a relationship, don't attempt to tear one down. You can't win. It is ultimately your husband's place to establish boundaries with his mom.
Good luck!
2006-11-11 06:51:24 · answer #1 · answered by blackcaligirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your MIL will not do anything differently until your husband puts her in his place. It cannot be you, then it will just turn into a power struggle, and I am hoping that is not the case and that you want her to back off so you can live your own life, not take over for her. You need to have a serious discussion with your husband about how you see this affecting your relationship now and in the future. Some men need a reason to step up and be a man, and he should see you and your marriage as enough of a reason. Have him talk to Mom, have him decide that enough is enough. If you do the talking to her, he may feel betrayed and she will feel resentful. This is a dynamic that was likely in place long before you, and your husband has to take care of it. Good luck.
2006-11-11 06:49:42 · answer #2 · answered by Smilingcheek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a divorce lawyer I hear this complaint a lot. You cannot do anything to change another person. Only that person can make a change. By pissing off your MIL you likly will cause a rift between you and husband.
Your situation is difficult to deal with and very much controlled by your relationship with your husband. I cannot give you specific advise on how to deal with it as I don't know your husband.
Just be careful about making it all worse by putting you against the MIL and Son Team.
2006-11-11 06:47:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all you need to make your husband stand up and be a real man. That is the first step in the process, then you go to the MIL and tell her that you don't appreciate the way she is always in your buisness and to stop treating her son like a baby and to let him be a man and husband. You also need to tell your husband how you feel and tell him to stand up to her or this may cause problems in the marraige later on. Good Luck
2006-11-11 06:45:25 · answer #4 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I call myself Monster In Law, and I think I should get paid from the movie Monster In Law since they took my name and made a movie. I am a good mother in law because I saw the way my grandmother acted with my step mom and my uncle's wife. You have to respect your husbands mother, but you can tell her in a nice way that you would appreciate it if she could back off some. Let her know she make you very uncomfortable when she meddles. If you are rude to your husband's mom, you are disrespecting the man you love as well. He is not acting like a little boy, he is keeping mute because he is caught in the middle and he doesn't like it there.
I used to nag my ex husband about his family and he resented me for that. I actually had enough and left him. Your husband will never turn away from his mom or disrespect her. But he can ask her to take it easy, he can ask her to respect you as well. Some men have a problem putting their moms in their place simply because of the conflicts. But there is always an appropriate way to deal with it, just use tact.
2006-11-11 06:48:36 · answer #5 · answered by OMG I thought I saw A Kitty Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rather than go in all guns blazing you could ask yourself why she's like that? Maybe she is lonely and scared that she's going to lose her son? In which case, a good honest frank conversation about how you have no intention of taking her son 'away' from her might be useful to have at the same time as laying down the law. A mother's dilemma - I have 2 sons and hope never to be like that!
I sympathise - I had a mother in law like that.
2006-11-11 06:48:19 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lived in this very same scenerio. The first thing I did was to sit my husband down and tell him that we are a family. We do our own thing, and do not need to ask her for permission, nor do we have to tell her everything. He will find it hard to tell her this, so you will have to relay it to her. A little at a time, of course. When she tries to tell you what you will do, just put your foot down. When she pushes, pull a little. Eventually your husband will have no choice but to tell her that she is not the boss anymore. That you are your own family unit and must make decisions as such, and she is not welcome to nose her way in. Stay strong and don't let up even a little bit. She will use it against you.
Best of luck to you
2006-11-11 06:46:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that not only does your mother in law need a talking to, but so does your husband. At 35 he should be able to be on his own and not let his mother run his life. You may be in for a rough road ahead if he hasn't cut the apron strings and she is hiding the scissors........Try talking to him first and let him know that if HE doesn't do something that YOU will. Then, if need be, go to his mother and politely, but firmly let her know that YOU are the woman in his life now and that she needs to respect that and back off.......
2006-11-11 06:49:03 · answer #8 · answered by YellaMelaDude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is your husband not your mother in law. Find a good marriage councellor who your husband can relate to. Your husband has to grow up. He's the one who has to deal with his mother, not you.
Another thing you could do is move your family thousands of miles away from her and hope she doesn't follow. ha! The farther away you live from your inlaws the less of a problem they will be.
2006-11-11 06:48:38 · answer #9 · answered by Melius 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you brought his submissive behavior to his attention ?
Maybe it is so ingrained that it is subconscious and he isn't even aware of it and the problems it is causing.
Tell hubby that you cannot stand it and you either want to move far away from her or he must start acting like a man and not a little boy
in regard to his mother...
2006-11-11 07:03:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋