He helps very little around the house. I work twice as much and make 3x as much as he does. I'm tired after working 12 hours and come home to a messy house. I do most of the cleaning. To get him to help is like pulling teeth and nails.
2006-11-11 05:05:13 · 20 answers · asked by tikizgirl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all I think it's beyond disrespectful that you just had to broadcast that you make more money than he does, if you'll disrespect your husband to complete strangers on the net, than I'm sure you do it every chance you get in the house, in public, etc, and Ij I were him I'd let your stank ask keep working harder, making more money, and clean your own dayum house.
But on a lighter note, try hiring a cheap maid!! (: You do make more money...so you can afford it........ right?
2006-11-11 05:15:48 · answer #1 · answered by NURSING FOR LIFE!! 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It doesn' matter if one person is doing all, some, or none of many things in the relationship, if this is what you both want. From this I hear - Communication. Something in the relationship changed, huh? I'm sure he has his side of it too. You'll need to talk this one out. The important thing is that you are working together. Note: Relationships are not cheap. Work is not fun. I will encourage you do not discard your spouse like a rag as would be encouraged by popular culture. When you choose this, expect the same to happen to you with the next one.
Also, you are working 12 hours. This means you took 4 hours of his time. If you are not going to give this back to him, maybe that's why he leaves you the chores. You have more time off while he's at work...alone....and girls are not going to stand for that. Women are social creatures. You will find someone to fill the time gap, swap husbands, say you didn't know why it happened, but it is just not working out, and repeat. You need to spend more time with him to communicate.
This is more your problem than his becuase you are the one that is unhappy. You are the one taking the time out of the relationship. (Ouch, huh? Sorry. Battle lines seem to be drawn already. I sincerely hope this helps keep your marriage, and understand that it is hard to take any of this when you are on 'that' side of the line.) Put it this way, "You are about to divorce your life long friend becuase you won't do the laundry." Tell this story to someone that grew up in the 30's. Tell this story to someone in Mexico or India.
Yes, you deserve better. Go get a 16 hour job and hire someone! Then you can kick him out every night.
Or, put the 4 hours back into the relationship, ask him to help you, and live happily ever after.
2006-11-11 05:24:42 · answer #2 · answered by OhIdonno 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Basically, he is taking advantage of you.
Men don't understand words, they understand actions.
If you complain, but still cook, clean, have sex with him, accept subpar behavior, make the money and are basically taking on the male and female roles in the relationship then as far as he is concerned he doesn't have to do anything. All his needs are being taking care of without much effort on his part.
First thing you have to do is re-evaluate your relationship, and take responsiblity for your part in the current dynamics.
Second, you have to change your actions and responses to his behavior. The problem is you keep rewarding him for his subpar treatment of you. If he is not doing his own part to be a good husband then he shouldn't get any rewards from you.
For your house, if you can afford it, get a cleaner who could come in once or twice a month.
Also, I would suggest maybe keeping your belongings in another room and if you have more than one bathroom, choose one for your exclusive use. That way if you can't afford a cleaner, at least you will have a space you can control and keep clean for youself.
Please stop cooking, cleaning and doing laundry for him. He is not a child.
If you come back from work after him just make yourself something to eat and thats it. If he asks about his just give him a puzzled look and lightly say that you assumed he had eaten since he got home before you.
Best attitude is warm words, cool actions.
There is no need to be hostile towards him. Be pleasant but distant. Start doing things you enjoy w/o him.
Be honest with yourself. Do you really want this relationship???????
2006-11-11 05:39:42 · answer #3 · answered by Nija 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this same problem with my husband but what you have to do is divide up the house chores. Don't ask him which he would like to do you decide who does what but make sure you are polite about it and let him know that you really appreciate it. Whatever you do don't ever bring up how much you make in comparison to him or how much more you work because that will only make him more stubborn. Sit down and talk to him and let him know what you expect from him and be very clear and concise. Don't expect immediate results because you will have to remind him quite a few times before he gets into the swing of things. Be patient and be consistent.
2006-11-11 05:21:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should use your brain, instead of you emotions.
Decide what you want in a marriage. Then sit down with your husband and talk. You might start the conversation by acknowledging any positive points in your marriage. Then tell him what you envision for your marriage. Lastly, tell him what you believe is lacking to make your marriage the ideal you envision. Hopefully he will listen to you. You should also be ready to listen to his concerns. No one is perfect, so he may also have some valid points to express.
Finally, if the two of you have difficulty communicating, you might want to see a marriage counselor who can direct the conversation and help you both identify ways to improve your marriage.
2006-11-11 05:20:45 · answer #5 · answered by lifesbeautifulmelody 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be upset, Why should you do it all? I work 12 hour shifts and make more than my hubby too, but he does clean the whole house when he has time as long as I do the dishes.
2006-11-11 05:12:03 · answer #6 · answered by CLM 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
being upset is ok cuz i would be too. however, getting mad at men and showing it sometimes doesn't work as we all know. try to let him know that you need help around the house in a calm sort of way. he'll respond better to that rather than putting up with it forever and then exploding at him because you can't handle it anymore
2006-11-11 05:11:38 · answer #7 · answered by kendra w 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my husband, although I don't make 3x as much, just twice as much as he does. I finally dicided to give up - if I don't expect anything from him - then when nothing gets done - I won't be upset.
2006-11-11 05:12:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes you should be upset. I always helped my ex-wife around the house, especially when I became unemployed and she was the only one working. He should want to do this to make your life less stressfull. He's being lazy.
2006-11-11 05:11:33 · answer #9 · answered by phoenix 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When your in a marriage it should be 50/50. You can ask him to help out a little more but it would be like talking to a brick wall.
2006-11-11 05:28:33 · answer #10 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋