Help with this song?

Question

She was the problem, so she was told day after day, so she did her best to stay out of his way. She’d sit there on her bed, waiting for him to come home, She’d hear his heavy boots come through the door, and pray he’d leave her alone. The neighbors heard the screaming, but chose to ignore, they turned up the tv till they heard the noises no more.
Turn out the lights, let her be, all the signs we failed to see, those bruises were more then accidents, a young lost sould with no defense. And we all wondered, but never dared to ask, and now she’s lying on the floor with one last gasping breath, and in the morning the paper will announce her death.





I need some organization help and help pieceing it together and adding on. help please??

Answer 1

You obviously have some talent, but why not use some of this to write a song about a woman overcoming a situation such as this? It could be tremendously empowering to someone going through a similar situation.

Answer 2

She was the problem, so she was told each day,
So she did her best to stay out of his way.
She’d sit there on her bed, waiting for him to come home,
She’d hear his heavy boots come close, and pray he’d leave her alone.

The neighbors heard the screaming, but they chose to ignore,
They turned up their tv sets till they heard the sounds no more.
Turn out the lights, let her be, all the signs we failed to see,
Those bruises were more than accidents, a young lost soul with no defense.

And we all wondered, but never dared to say,
Just what it was that caused him to treat her just that way
And now she’s lying on the floor with one last gasping breath,
And in the morning papers they will announce her death.

Some slight amendments. You seemed to be a line short on the last verse so I added one.

Answer 3

perhaps do a more positive song?