Not sure what to do...?

Question

Married in 2003, found out he was cheating a month later, followed by physical abuse, then wouldn't allow me to see my side of the family for more than one day a week, and would time how long we were over there so we could make up that time to his family. Had a son in 2004, the abuse continues, left him went back because he promised to go to marriage counseling with me, tried marriage counseling but he decided he didn't need help because nothing is wrong. Then he left because his reserve unit became activated. Saw this as my opportunity to leave him without the risk of more physical abuse, so packed up his belongings and informed his parents of situation and moved his things back to their house. his parents hate me because he tells them lies, that nothing ever happened when he admitted everything to our counselor!

I file for divorce in April 2006, took me awhile to file becuase it was hard decision I had told him it was over in January, yes while he was overseas.

Then I find out he is already talking to an ex gf of his so I ask my attorney if it is ok for me to start dating also he says yes. I don't for awhile and then i meet this great guy in early july and we hit it off and both care about the other, STBX finds out in August and decides to send threatening messages to my bf saying that he is giong to kill him and shoot him and beat him up and a lot of other things. I inform his commanding officer who tells him that he faces jail time and has broken the law. Dear STBX of course doesn't tell his parents any of this so they still hate me. Then in September my bf came home for 6 weeks he is in the NAVY and we are now 12 weeks pregnant. STBX doesn't know about baby yet. Then STBX gets back in the states and I let him see our son one weeknight and every other weekend but no over nights because he's only two.

I tell STBX that he can either agree to everything I want with the divorce or he can face the jail time.

(I didn't realize that was blackmail I thought it was a plea bargain.) He says fine he will agree. So here we are to this week. He comes into my work to return son's blanket then he grabs my hand and tells me this is your last chance, I look and him and say for what? he says for us to be together, this is the last chance I am going to give to you to be with me. I tell him no.

So he leaves fine, ever since then he as been a total *** towards me, he refuses to listen to what I try and say to him, son is sick right now so I was trying to tell him the directions on medicine said yeah i'm listening, asked him not to take son outside unless it really warms up (we're in kansas it's cold here) i ask him again if he is listening and he says yeah don't take him outside unless he really wants to go out. I said no, unless it warms up because he is sick!!! I tell son bye and to be good and that was then end of that.

I am caught in the middle right now though becuase I don't know if I should just go ahead and have my bf press charges against him and let him go to jail and go on with the divorce but I don't know how divorce works if he is in jail, does anyone know how that works? Or should I just go ahead with the divorce? Does anyone have any good recomendations for a lawyer?

I have been through two years of counseling, that is why I am strong enough to divorce him now.

Answer 1

You need more help than I or anyone else here can give you. What to do? Get YOURSELF into counselling and away from the situation, and get a really good lawyer.

Answer 2

Wow, what a jerk he is. this is a classic situation of someone who is insecure and he does these things to you to have control. Don't let him fool you. Keep in constant touch about everything with your attorny. Document everything that happens between the 2 of you. Maybe you can try to get a restraining order so that he can't come into your work or house without you knowing that he is coming. Then you can have someone else be there when he does show up. Forget about his family, they KNOW that he is a sick puppy and trust me, they don't want him back either. Stay strong, you are doing the right thing. This situation will and can only get worse. There are thousands of stories like yours from women, who were beaten or worse or those who ended up dead at the hands of their ex's or STBX's. Stay strong.

Answer 3

it's isn't too late to file charges, but since it was in the past, you should have filed charges then or not at all. don't just hang it
over his head to make him do what you want him to do. that is blackmail and it's illegal too. if he doesn't want to follow the instructions for the child, don't let him see him. if he has scheduled visitation, that's another issue. contact the courts and tell them that you are going through a messy divorce and your hubby is not taking care of the child. the first thing you need to do is make sure that your son is ok. then work on the divorce. if the hubby keeps harassing you, then call the cops. and who cares if his parents hate you.

Answer 4

You must know that you need to be careful with this guy--he is a time bomb.
But he needs to be shown that he cannot behave this way and that there are consequenses. He has broken the law and will continue to do so for as long as he gets away with it.
Otherwise he will continue to harass you and your bf....this puts you both in danger for as long as the ex has all this hatred and anger.

I feel that pressing charges is a good idea, as is getting restraining orders. You may want to also look into legal options as to whether it is safe for him to have unsupervised visitation with your son. You don't want your child in danger or face the potential problem of his father not bringing him back as a way of hurting you.

Get a lawyer if you don't already have one, and be careful, hun.
Good luck.

And forget about what the ex's parents think. Their son will always be perfect in their eyes and it's not worth you time or emotions to worry about it. You know the truth, and as your son grows up, so will he.

Answer 5

Contact a local legal aid office to get free advice. I would have your boyfriend protect himself and go through with the charges. What better place than to have him in jail ?? No abuse to you or your son.
You are never going to win back his parents, thats their baby and he does no wrong, even if he is convicted. also do not let him touch you at all , not your hand or anything. In a abusive persons mind , he stills has the right to do anything to you if he can touch you . Make it clear now , no more touching !!!

Answer 6

Hmm u should have leave him and striaght forward on the divorce. No point carrying on like that. U have to be straight to take every evidence u have of what he threatened and Kiss him goodbye to Jail.
As the current situation u and yr bf may be in danger, so take the nessary action < Sent him to jail> For what he had done to u.

Answer 7

When you go to court for the divorce, ask for supervised visitation for your son. You'll have to bring up all of the abuse, but the court should grant your request. Talk to your attorney about any documentation you might need, or witnesses. As for your former in-laws, there's not much you can do about how they feel. Perhaps, in time, when they see how he treats another woman, they'll change their mind. Good luck with the new boyfriend and baby!

Answer 8

What you need to do is get a lawyer, and proceed with a divorce, and if he keeps harassing you. get your lawyer to send him a letter. Your lawyer will advise you what to do! Lay low with the boyfriend for a while, until things blows over! Think smart!

Answer 9

I never will understand why people date before getting divorced. Is being alone really that aweful, and what does it say about you (and your ex) if you can't be happy being alone for a little while?

Also, what does it say about the people you two are dating? Would emotionally healthy people with high self-esteem be in relationships with people who are not emotionally healthy and haven't even moved on?

Answer 10

Call the cops make a report and get rid of this loser. The signs were there from the bigining so it really your fault.