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My bf and i have been together on and off for 8 yrs we met in 7th grade and went out through high school and college. I am 21 yrs old and he is 22 yrs old now and i will be graduating from college within the next few months and so will he.I felt like it was time to make a commitment so i brought up the question of marriage and he proposed three weeks later now after 4 months of being engaged i find out he hates children and has made an appointment to have a vasectomy done!I feel very hurt i have always wanted children of my own and am a family oriented person and from a big family . I want to have my first child at 24 or 25 years of age and a second child at 27 or 28 years of age. I have tried to talk to him but he says he is just not that way?what to do?

2006-11-11 04:16:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

What are chances he changes his mind?I love him but i want children and am very confused if i even want to marry at this this point?

2006-11-11 04:18:50 · update #1

14 answers

well...it sounds like he isn't the right man for you after all... the right man for you will want to have children also......

you have every right to feel hurt......

2006-11-11 04:25:55 · answer #1 · answered by myheartisjames 5 · 1 0

To change his mind you'll have to find out why. There are reasons for and against, but normally the purpose of marriage is for kids, as would be sex. However, maybe he wants a 'recreational relationship'. If so, I think you know what kind'a stuff goes along with that and would have already seen some of the signs by now. I hate to put this political terms (I've been really trying to get away from politics for a while now), but is your relationship Liberal (intently selfish, demanding, fun at all cost) or Conservative (nurturing, family oriented, gives back to society)? Apparently, neither is wrong. The Liberal side is just a pit or resting place, so they can feel better about themselves and their short comings while the Conservatives go on about trying to work on the rest of us that will be here for the group and keep things together. It is difficult to be an adult while everyone else is leaching off you, but doing what ever you want, when ever you want, for whatever reason is still an option. Which road are you going to take?

2006-11-11 12:29:53 · answer #2 · answered by OhIdonno 3 · 0 3

It is very likely that he will not change his mind. You need to ask yourself if you are willing to live in a childless marriage. If you aren't, I am sorry to tell you, you need to NOT marry this man.

A dear friend of the family married a man who didn't want children, and she married him anyway thinking he would change his mind. He didn't and they are in their 40's now with no children. He's fine with it and she is mournful.

Edit:
He will not have a problem finding a doctor to complete the surgery. It is young women who can't get the surgery easily. It's a sad double standard, but it is there.

2006-11-11 13:45:17 · answer #3 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0 0

It sounds to me that he will never change his mind. You have to ask yourself a hard question. Are you willing to give up the prospect of being a mother and if not the best thing to do is end the engagement and find a man who has the same views as you.

2006-11-11 12:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by ladysteelersince1976 3 · 0 0

If you know your position and his, save yourself the agony of an unhappy marriage, find someone who wants to have kids as well. Endure the pain now instead of later, break off this engagement and move on. Unless you are willing to change your mind about having kids. But it doesn't sound like he is willing to bend, he seems dead set on not having any especially since he is planning on having surgery.

2006-11-11 12:23:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Now you know where he is coming from, He does not want kids, this is a choice you have to weigh on yourself, is can you except it? You need to talk to him, and tell him, that you always wanted children, and see what the two of you come up with. If he does not want them, and you feel strongly about having them, then you may have to move on. I hope it all works out for you!

2006-11-11 12:27:10 · answer #6 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0 0

Your marriage will not survive this difference of opinion. He is selfish doing that without talking to you first. You deserve to have children and he deserves to not have children. That means you are not meant for each other and may as well give up on the relationship.

2006-11-11 12:22:43 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1 0

It is possible that he will change his mind when he is older, but most likely he will not. Some people just don't care to have children, and that is alright. You need to find someone who loves to become a father, because this one may never change his mind.

2006-11-11 13:00:26 · answer #8 · answered by HSB 3 · 0 0

if you want children and this man does not, then you may have to move. Do not commit and hope he will change, be cause you very likely will be disappointed, make your move now

2006-11-11 12:22:05 · answer #9 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1 0

Do not marry him...
Break it off now..
Find someone else, who wants children...
You deserve the full life of your dreams...

2006-11-11 12:20:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

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