"eye's without a face"
its falling apart now. ireally don't know and don't care. together a friendship down the drain.
chorus:you don't know and don't care anything about us.only if you could my eyes without a face...and lets throw it away...
I'm trapped in this life. no way out. here forever and ever... no one understands us no one understands me i can't make them. is why she has to go. but its hard to get rid of the problem when it keeps coming back. and here you are again back in my life till we apart again
chorus:you don't know and you don't care anything about us only if you could see eyes without a face...and ets throw it away but i know you won'y give up that easily
if only this world was perfect we would be together forever... best friends
2006-11-11 03:31:11 · 7 answers · asked by mischa m 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
and if you know how the beat was it was sound better if you heard me sing it...hope you like it1 and its about when me and my friend kimmie can never stay friends for a day or 5 min
2006-11-11 03:32:52 · update #1
oh yea sorry guys I forgot to read over it and I didn't realize I didnt spell correctly or that I put out a few words
2006-11-11 04:05:57 · update #2
You've got good ideas there, but it doesn't flow. Plus, sentences like, "is why she has to go" just don't make sense.
I could help you, by taking YOUR WORDS, and putting them in a flowing structure. It would still be your creation, but it would be 'tuned up'. Send me an IM if interested. I write lyrics also, and someone helped me once, I'd like to return the favor!
Good luck!
2006-11-11 03:46:51 · answer #1 · answered by flip4it 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The eyes are truly the windows to the soul.
This is pretty good. But you have to make sure that a person can make sense of a piece that you want critiqued. You need to capitalize properly and spell your words properly. If you want to be taken seriously.
You do a have gift for getting your point across. Keep working on it.
You can go to this site for more poetry and song lyrics to learn from. There are people there that will help if you ask them to.
"Thestarlitecafe.com" I write there under the name "Wordsmith".
Keep up the good work youngster!
2006-11-11 11:47:39 · answer #2 · answered by It All Matters.~☺♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks more like a confession, a letter I would say than a song!
It is random, so I like it!
But doesn`t this name "eyes without a face" exist?
An 80`s song or something
2006-11-11 11:36:10 · answer #3 · answered by parapligiko A.E. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very nice, work on it a bit. Eyes without a face is already the name of song so choose another. good luck
2006-11-11 11:48:09 · answer #4 · answered by SKYDOGSLIM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, cool touches the heart..., you can improve the grammar to make it more "powerful". Good luck.
2006-11-11 11:39:56 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it
2006-11-11 11:35:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its nice...
2006-11-11 11:38:43 · answer #7 · answered by Adara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋