married young and stuck in a rut?

Question

i am 24 and i have been with my husband for 6 years and married for 2, my problem is i just seem to have fallen out of love with him and everything he does just gets on my nerves i cant help it. i have tried to talk to him but he just doent get where im comming from, i know he loves me so much and would do anything for me and i feel terrible for what ive been thinking lately i just cant snap out of it. i cant even bear him kissing or cuddling me. we also have 2 young children, i feel im 24 going on 40 i have no life anymore and feel ive done too much to young. all i seem to think about is divorce. im so confused and unhappy i dont know what to do.

Answer 1

I guess that goes to show that long dating/engagements aren't a guarantee that you'll know the person. I dated my wife for two months before marriage, and we're doing great after already 5 years now.

If you married him, try to work it out. Find common ground. Pray to the Lord for help, He will do it.

Don't drag those children through the mess of a divorce. Pray for help.

Answer 2

What you need to do is try to remember why you married him in the first place. Take a look at old photographs, picture all the fun you've had together in the past. When you marry young, it seems to hit you like a train wreck that you had no idea what you were doing. Trust me I know, I married at 19. I experienced similiar feelings not too long ago. I sat down and wrote a list of all the things I thought the man of my dreams should have. When I finished, I read over it, and I realized that my husband had all of these traits. Sometimes it just takes a little to make a big difference. (It literally saved my marriage!) Once you remember all the reasons you married him, get a babysitter for the kids, and take him out to a romantic evening doing something you both enjoy. Be honest with him and tell him you want to rekindle the feelings you had in the beginning.

IF this doesn't work, maybe you should try marriage counseling or personal counseling with a licensed professional or within your church family.

Do you really want to be without him? Think about that!

Good Luck!

P.S. A little birdie once told me that the hardest part of your marriage is the first 3 years so don't be surprised if you spend most of the time flipping each other off! LoL!

Answer 3

i know exactly what You should do. i'll break it down for You. First ask Yourself if You ever loved him at all. Think about this deep and hard. You have 2 children with him, what a shame if they were born out of anything but love. Take Your time with that. Next, depending on that answer, if You really loved him and You are really friends, and there is still trust and no resentment, it will come back around. Be patient, step back and look down the road. So many of us choose a path in life and often times want to change it. You brought children into the world now, and now it is for them that You must be strong. Think about all the changes You've been through in the last several years. You feel trapped, bored and lost i bet. You're not. You have more than most. In time You will see this, as You grow, Your husband grows and Your children grow. You can actually have a lot of fun with the fact that he will do anything for You. And a lot of comfort in that bit of knowledge. Let him... make him, have him make Your life pleasurable. Let him show his true appreciation toward You. Now, if the answer above was no, to the love and friendship, than You have to be sure of that. You have to be sure that some how and some way You do all You can to avoid the nasty procedures of our legal system, respect him, Your children and Yourself and split as friends, find some level of closeness and understanding and do it with ALL of Your interests in mind. Either way, think deeply about Yourself and Your life and look ahead. After 2 children there must be something You like about him. i sense this is very difficult for You and i'm all too familiar with this arena. i wish everyone of You the very best. Take a breath and know that no matter what You decide, decide for You and remember that it's not the end of the world.

Answer 4

Don't worry we've all been here at some point in our marriage. Youv'e got bog down with taking care of the children that you forget to spend quality time together and have drawn apart. You can get the love feelings back, but if will be hard. You need to tell your husband the way you feel and you need to start all over again. Perhaps your parents can look after the children while you and your husband go on a weekend break. Doll yourselves up and go out, go to the places you used to enjoy before the children. If after this there is still no spark whatsoever of what used to be from you perhaps you may have fallen out of love. I can't help feeling though that you are run down and need a break from the children. I think you should take a visit to the Doctors just to check that you are not anaemic, this could be one of the reasons why you are feeling this way.

Answer 5

God, I feel sorry for you and know what you're feeling. The pain of hurting someone you love is always painful. You say you've fallen out of love so you're no longer 'in love'. It's never easy and there's no easy answer either. If you feel this now you will always feel it so it makes sense to sort the problem out as soon as possible to enable you both to adapt to new lives.

Before you do anything at all may I suggest you alone, go away somewhere for a while? ask your closest loved ones to take care of the children whilst you go away to think. You need to be positive with yourself and when you have made a decision, no matter how painful, stick with it. You sound a very sensible 24 year old, so this process is good for you. Think hard, be honest, think of the consequences and do what you feel is the right thing. It will be best in the long run. Pain eases with time.

I wish you all the best. My heart feels for your husband but your decision now is better than leaving it for years and him asking you after why you left it so long before doing anything.

God bless to you and your family.

Answer 6

Hi.
How you are feeling is 'normal' If you speak to most married couples, somewhere along the line they have felt the way you do, if they are honest enough to admit it.
You have your life ahead of you, and two beautiful children, and honestly things WILL get better. Yourself and hubby need to have 'our time' for yourselves once a month, (no children), it seems that the spark has gone but it will return.
Your probably both wrapped up with the children, and are forgetting about yourselves, to keep the 'fire' burning you need the fuel.
Don't throw the towel in just yet, you both need time on your own, as i said earlier.
They say 'divorce' is very stressful, ask yourself the question, do you really want to go down that road?
One last thing COMMUNICATION is the key.
I would leave divorce as the ultimate last resort.

Answer 7

You sound like me. I was married ten years and have three children. My now ex husband would have done anything for me, but I was not in love with him. We had no intimacy. I seen him as a responsibility, like one of my children. I hurt him by the divorce, and my children did hurt. I was depressed all the time and not a "whole" mother to the kids. Now I'm on my own and dating a wonderful man who I truely love. My kids have hurt. They probably would prefer me to be depressed and in bed all the time and still be with their Dad cause they do not understand. If you can't "spark" back the relationship, separate a bit. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. I am happy with my decision, but some days I feel guilty for my ex (who has not dated or moved on) and my kids. Life is too short and I hope someday my kids will understand when they are adults and have the capability.

Answer 8

What was it like b4 you married your husband and why did things changed after you married him? Perhaps you feel that while your friends may still be having a high profile career at your age, you are already struggling with a family and don't know how to cope with that. Perhaps you yearn to get back into the career path. Perhaps you could arrange for a babysitter to look after your kids while you get back to the workforce again. You need to discuss this option with your husband as the whole household will be affected by this change. Also what was the agreement bet.you and your husband when you were staying/married together? How have things changed since then and what needs to be changed now? Would you make any changes now? How will this help? Questions to ponder through....good luck....

Answer 9

I'm sure when you married it was for life. Because you are so young you have your entire life ahead of you. Take time to find things you like to do to make you happy. Really delve deep into yourself to see what is wrong. Take some time alone. Try at least an hour every other day to do somehing for yourself. If you are happier perhaps, you will see things a bit clearer. Marriages fall into ruts all the time. It takes work on both sides. BTW being 40 is pretty great so you have some awesome things to look forward too. Your children are young, when they get older you can take somemore time for yourself n your relationship, you can travel together with your husband and see the world and all it has to offer. For now find out what you need to make you happy everything will fall into place. Be smart, don't make any mistakes you will regret, you have to first find happiness from within, you would be amazed what can follow.

Answer 10

Would coping as a single parent be any better? Having to deal with everything on your own, having no time to yourself with 2 kids? Everbody goes through periods like this. Try to organise treats for you and your hubby and time together on your own. Make time for yourself as well. You havn`t fallen out of love with him, maybe it`s just family pressures that have made you resent him in some way. Do you feel like you`re the one doing everything? Believe me, a lot of other 24 year olds with 2 kids more than likely feel as if they`re in the same position. You have to make the best of things, especially if you have a good man, `cos if you get rid of him someone else might only be too glad to snap him up! Remember...The grass ain`t always greener....

Answer 11

to be blunt, you helped make this rut. that being said and recognized, you can shake things up without cheating. suprise him with a couple things like having the kids off to a friend or relative's house for the night/weekend and have a candle lit dinner waiting for him when he gets home, serve him while wearing next to nothing and what little you do have on, be sure it will light his fire. another time discuse acting out a fantasy with him, after six yrs, you should know him better than he knows himself. As for him not not knowing where your comming from, sometimes it takes a figurative 2 x 4, sometimes it takes a figurative feather, guage his mood before trying to talk to him, a stressed man will be near impossable to reach unless you know how to peak his intrest without making the stress worse.

this may sound like manipulation, butyou know him, use that to your advantage. let him think it was his idea, but know you planted the seeds while he wasn't thinking, here is an examlpe,

while hubby is watching monday night footbal (3rd and goal, 4th quarter) can we see my folks this weekend?

wednsday night, when he is half asleep, "could we take the kids to see their grandparents this weekend?

friday afternoon, he will say, "come on kids, honey, lets go to your folks house for dinner.

it will not be untill his third bite of seconds on mashed potatoes that he realises he just did what you wanted him to on monday, but not be able to be mad about it because it is too late

this is only an example, a template if you will. whatched my mom do this so well, so many times.

always remember, you are the woman in the house, and as long as you have his heart, you have the real power.