I was raised in an abusive environment?

Question

But as I grew up I was so afraid of becoming like them, that I became someone completely different. I’m too nice and caring. I notice how uncaring my parents are. Even though they are so hateful to me, I try to me nice to them all the time and I don’t want anything in return (I don’t think I understand people caring about me because of my upbringing. I just care for others.). I try to, in a sense, be the caring parent for my younger siblings… because my parents are so uncaring. But I don’t see my family as my family, but as someone I’m forced to live with…

My question is how did I turn out so different? I mean people say you become like your parents but I’m NOT anything like them. I try to be the person they never were.

I don't fit in with them. When I leave home, I never want to come back. They are so heartless and uncaring.

Answer 1

i'm the same way, my parents are very close minded but i'm open. its basically like reverse psychology, or just like what you said you were afraid to become them so you became something different. we've become pushovers or people pleasers, we want them to like us, so we are nice and loving, no matter how they act. we want their love (that doesnt always mean we'll get it) but i'm sure in a stressful situation you'd see traits of theirs come out in you, like sayings that they'd normally say where they're mad, you might say when you are very angry. just watch for it, you'll see it, but be greatful you arent like them if they were abusive, it mean that maybe you will make a difference where they didnt do good. you could make someones like very happy where they made yours abusive.
best of luck to you on your life journey
~Schmelee

Answer 2

I hear you, been there done that. You turned out different because you saw what your parents were like and wanted otherwise. Good for you. I did the same, graduated from h.s. and left the next day.

They have never changed and most likely never will. So, you just go on to be a great person on your own. If you have younger siblings, I suggest you contact other caring relatives and friends to get help for these kids through an agency and counseling. You too should go for counseling. This behavior of your parents does affect you and could set you up for more heart ache in the future.

It's great to be caring, just watch yourself that you aren't a push over and get taken. That is the opposite of being uncaring and it is no better. Learn to protect yourself, don't be too trusting, too gullible or a push over.

BTW, I gave my parents a chance to be different as an adult and they chose not to be and I haven't seen them in nearly 10 years. Sometimes you have to leave toxic people behind, no matter who they are, even parents.

Answer 3

It's not entirely true that one becomes what their parents are, especially in such a social society that we live in. Not only is your upbringing influenced by your parents, but it's also influenced by things like TV, friends you've had, other relatives, teachers, etc. It is very possible that when you were young you had a good role model somewhere that showed you that your parents behaviors are not the only option on how to be. Also, science-wise, it is said that your personality is both partially nature (genes) and nurture (your upbringing). It's possible that your personality set out for you is not so easy to mold towards abusive behavior, you sound like you are probably laid-back by default. Basically, you aren't a blank slate that only your parents are able to teach behavior to.

Also, there's nothing wrong with wanting to leave home and never come back, you have all right to have a good life!

Answer 4

There are two types of people in this world, the "takers" and the "givers" - that's it,that's all they said folks! - You obviously are the Giver - your the "winner" - takers are looser, givers are winners. You have been blessed by the Almighty. I am a giver, and have lived a wonderful life, maybe not at rich as I could be, because, you know, we give, we help - but I am rich beyond words because I am HAPPY - you be Happy with yourself, and quit trying to explain your actions, you are who you are, but be careful, there are a lot more "takers" in this world, then the "givers" like us. Glad your in my team. God has promised the Kingdom for those of us to give, and unselfishly help our fellow man. Now go and watch something funny on TV and Laugh and Laugh - lighten up - your a good soul, and now I told you so...

Answer 5

It sounds like you realize that they aren't nice people, and you are a good person at your core. In not wanting to be like them, you're not. You've been mistreated and know it's not right. You know how awful it feels. That's wonderful for you.
You turned out different because you have a good heart and a caring soul. Be proud that you didn't turn out like them.

Answer 6

The fact's are these. ! you choose your parents before conception to develop your character and traits. This way you have the experience in life for your own spiritual development in your soul. But remember this............Do not get hung up on your parents as they are only being used by you as a vehicle to get you here to learn to make your soul complete/er. You are only depended on them for you human nurturing and then you are on your own and lead the life you were to and be example to others under the circumstances you have. Feel free and may joy be with you. Never look back but in the future as to what you bring to your children and they to theirs. Go Girl. I had similar but worse.

Answer 7

Well i dont know how you became so different from youre parents....but if you say that you are really caring and you dont even look for anything in return..then you are one of a kind....really caring and a very nice person..
Keep it up!