Am I the one?

Question

My boyfriend asked me to buy a house with him. I, like an idiot, do because I love him and want to marry him. He loves me but isn't sure that I am the "one" and wants to think it over so that he makes the right decision. He's been thinking about it for weeks and still doesn't know how he feels. I say that if I was the one for him he would know already and his heart would be screaming that he couldn't live without me. I don't want him to have to "convince" himself to do it. He says that he isn't "convincing" himself and he just wants to make sure he makes sure he knows what he wants and makes a decision with a clear head.

Girls: What would you do?
Guys: What does this really mean?

PLEASE HELP I am going insane! I love him so much and am trying to be patient but his logic and reason go against everything that I think love/marriage should be. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

How long have you guys been dating? Has he told you that he loves you? I don't know about you but when my husband first met me, he knew that day that I was "the one" for him and that he wanted no other person than me and I felt the same way. We've been together ever since.

What it sounds like to me, and I'm sorry for saying this, is that he's playing the field or wants to. He would know in his heart that you were the one, he wouldn't have to think it over. Why would he want to buy a house with someone who he's not sure is "the one?" I just sounds like he wants to go play the field and/or see if there's something or someone out there that is better than you? Why put yourself through that, I know how it feels to love someone so deeply but if he can't return that then you need to move on.

You could also try acting like you don't really care, that you're strong enough of a woman that you won't let this bring you down. Tell him that he can spend as much time as he wants to looking to see if you're the "one" but you can't guarantee that you'll be there waiting for him forever. Tell him that if he doesn't already think that you're the one then you're not and you need to move on with your life and find someone who will think that you are. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

Well i think you know the answer already he sounds like he needed help to buy a house as he will end up with house i have been married 4 20yrs and when the right person comes along nothing will separate you from each other love doesn't care what you want as what is right today will be different in 10 yrs as a couple in love you head in same direction and whats important is what you want if its love and marriage this guy isn't 4 you must be strong and go with your heart as your head is not clear you could be heading for disaster will you accept in the future if he says he wants to see other women He knows you are totally in love with him and feels safe that you be around for the long haul but you cant say that about him marriage is about having kids will he get out when going gets tough and leave you holding the babies You look in your heart and the answer will come as i see it in your letter you already know the answer this is what being an adult is all about good luck its your future oh I'm a 46yrs old male

Answer 3

Sounds like the best medicine for both of you is a little alone time, Absents can make the heart grow fonder and can also revel the truth.
The person you should marry is the person you can not live without!
Step out of the picture for a little while, if he really loves you.. You both will know in a few days.

Sorry if this hurts your feelings... But if he is just using you for his convenience or pleasure... i.e. not making a commitment to you... then stepping away from the situation for a little while will also help you focus on the facts of your relationship, not just the warm fuzzy feelings you get.
The warm fuzzes come and go in long term relationships. It is the commitment that counts. If either of you are not committed, then as soon as trouble comes one of you will be gone. Seasons change in relationships. Some are wonderful... Some are cold and miserable. It takes commitment to get through those cold months in any relationship.

Answer 4

DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH THIS GUY. If you want to buy a house and charge him rent to live there, that's one thing. Unless you are a lawyer, or you visit a lawyer, DO NOT put that much money at risk on a non-relationship. If you go through the real estate transaction, you need another legal document that says who owns what and how one party can sell their share in the house if/when the relationship ends and they want out. My brother is a laywer, and he bought a house with one of his girlfriends and they had a 27-page contract about this stuff.

Only married people have recourse in the courts with regards to property like that. If he's not willing to marry you, think hard about going through with this tranaction. You could be financially ruined for a long time if it goes sour.

Answer 5

How could I tell you what it really means? You haven't provided enough information for me to go on. How long have you been in a committed relationship? What is the nature of your relationship? Are you flexible or highly structured? Do you nag him? Why are you acting "needy"? Really, just as you want a confident, interesting, affectionate male with inegrity and a good attitude for a mate you can respect..., men (who have figured out what they really need), are looking for a confident, interesting, affectionate and flexible female with a good attitude they can respect that is highly interested in them.

Now, it takes time to get to know somebody, and there are traps along the way: taking one another for granted, letting romance lapse completely, not being affectionate, and the real killer... disrespecting one another.

How you deal with the traps people fall into in relationships has a lot to do with your relationship skills (things they forgot to teach us in school, and most of us didn't have good role models at home growing up either).

In short, without knowing how long you have been dating exclusively and the dynamics of that relationship, I can't tell you a thihg.

Answer 6

First, I would not have bought a house with him or moved in with him. Second, I would insist the house be sold and I'd be making other arrangements. He's playing you. He knows how you feel and the more desperate you get the more he's going to play you. Don't play. He either loves you or he doesn't. He either wants to marry or he doesn't. Love is not that hard. I really don't think he's the "one" for you.

Answer 7

Personally, I think he sounds like a jerk! If he loves you he would not ponder that question. It is hard to hear this, but I would jump ship. It is a real insult to you to be told that you are good enough to buy a house with, but maybe not good enough to have around forever! My bf and I have bought a house together and it is a big step, but he has never said those words to me. Make your own decision, but my advice is to tell him to make up his mind or get the hell out!

Answer 8

I can so relate! Bought a house, got engaged, man broke off engagement, now fixing the house to sell. Nightmare? Yes. I think one knows in their hearts if it is right or not. I don't think it was love, I think he is in a comfort zone. Try counseling, and get to the root of things now, rather than later.

Answer 9

Seems like you already do just what he asks.
Why should he marry you if you do whatever he asks?
You need to put your foot down and let him know that you want that commitment to marriage and set a date or get out.
By the way, how did you secure your investment?
Are you protected from losing the housse if he bails?

Answer 10

It doesn't mean anything, It is not easy for guys to know a girl is "the one". Guys as you know have a hard time with feelings. All he wants to do is take it slow and see where you guys end up. Trust me, you do not want to get married if you both are not 100% positive thats what you want. That is all he is doing is making sure that Marriage is something that he is ready for and it is something that he wants. If you really love him, you will wait for him. I know he will propose to you, it is just going to take some time