My husband left me and my 3 kids because he said he could tell I didnt love him anymore.(he just quit his job, stopped paying the bills) .. He was right! But its not that I had absolutely no feelings for him... Him and I just drifted apart... after 21 years of marriage, him being and intravert and me just the opposite... we just stopped talking about 10 years ago.. and then all of a sudden he wants to be close.. well I started full time school and being busy with that,, we really didnt talk..
me and the kids came home one day and he was gone!... ok it took me a couple months to get through the anger... But now he wants to get back together... hhhmm I just dont know... weve been seperated for about 6 months... he lives 2800 miles away from us.. Im seeing someone, that has great potential.... and as for my husband, I dont know if hes seeing someone, I suppose he is. Although he would never tell me... What do you think.. Should I give it another try?
2006-11-11 02:26:22 · 27 answers · asked by donna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No. It wasn't working by your own admission for about 10 years. It's time to admit that you've outgrown the marriage, each in your own way.
Let him go. Don't fret, you'll find someone else. Good for you that you've gone back to school fulltime and are taking responsibility for changing your life for the better. Now you will find a door opening up to more possibilities and opportunities.
Don't look back- it's time to move forward.
Good luck!
2006-11-11 02:33:24 · answer #1 · answered by Angela 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Darlin NO. He wanted out a long time ago. You guys havent "talked" in years. The children are not little kids anymore. You have found someone who has great potential in being a husband. Why look back? Yes people and things change. Guess what you did! You have grown stronger with experience and time. You have moved forward and so has your Ex. He may have just woke up to the fact that all the comforts of 21 years is hard to get along with out. The simple fact of being alone or not having family around could have caused this turn. However there is no need to go down that road again. 21yrs. is a long trip to decide a u-turn. Go forward and reflect back just dont go back. He wont even tell you if he was seeing anyone else? HHMMMM... lets see.... still not talking. Forget about it, it's a lost cause.
2006-11-11 02:50:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hummm... I would say no communication for that long is a good enough reason alone. You are just as much to blame in this situation. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. Now if you have tried and tried to make it work then that might be different, but you haven't mentioned any of that in your post. I think if you truly want it to work and he does too then go to marriage couseling. That woould be the only way to work it out. Otherwise just go on in your life and find someone that you are gonna be happy with and will love your kids. It is really sad that you let 10 years go by with no communication. Why so long? Did either of you not want to work on the marriage?
2006-11-11 02:34:14 · answer #3 · answered by hehmommy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd say your husband had plenty of reason to leave, but the way he did it was not appropropriate. It sounds like your marriage had been over for a long time, but neither of you felt compelled to repair it or move on to something more fulfilling to each of you.
Now that you are apart, you need to decide if you want to walk that path with him again, and if you think it would be different. Are the issues that existed before gone now, or would the same problems crop up and thus make it a waste of everyone's time and emotion to try again?
Consider what you would be getting back into, and if it would be best for you and the kids to try that marriage again, or move on...don't forget to consider the kids...they rely on you to make decisions regarding what is best for them, not just what you want to do.
Good luck!
2006-11-11 02:32:18 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, there's no justification in the world for leaving his children. You're relationship on the other hand, yes he's completely justified. What I don't understand, however, is that it seems that the both of you decided to stay in a loveless marriage years ago, I would like to hope to think it was for the sake of the children you share together, but I have no idea. Any possible decision the two of you make should ultimately be judged by the criteria of the welfare of your children - whether that ends up meaning staying apart or getting back together - at least for as long as the children grow up and move out. A lot of people may disagree with me, but people who rough it out in otherwise loveless marriages so their children can have two parents growing up are heroes as far as I'm concernced.
2006-11-11 02:34:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do you really think he will change after living with the man for 21 years? How can you trust him to stay after walking out like that? Is he working? Will he continue to work? Would he be willing to go to counseling? Doesn't sound to me as though you're sold on the idea of giving him another chance. I'm assuming your kids are older and might be out of high school. I think if I were in your place, I'd just tell him to send the alimony check and keep in touch with the kids. I think you've outgrown him and should move on for a while and continue to improve yourself for yourself. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior (Dr. Phil). You go girl !
2006-11-11 02:41:05 · answer #6 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Though it sounds harsh, you should still try to give your husband a second chance. It doesn't sound like you guys had much of an opportunity to fix your marriage, before he left. You owe that to your kids. Ask your husband to show a sign that he's interested in getting back together - and that would be moving back to the same city as you are.
If it doesn't work, then atleast you know you gave it a chance, and it just fizzled out. But atleast your children will know that you both gave it a try.
2006-11-11 02:38:10 · answer #7 · answered by Strange1am 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally I think that at your ages and after 21 years of marriage that has obviously lost it's 'luster' for you, I would recommend moving on with your life. This marriage sounds like it started dying 10 years ago but you kept it alive for the sake of the children who obviously are not babies anymore. Myself, I would want to spend the other half of my life now trying to find that happiness that I felt was missing all those last years of being together rather than dispensing all my enegry and efforts to overcome all the differences, anger and lost love that obviously is below ground level now and has so much bad history to work through.
2006-11-11 02:31:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
With out your love what do you think a marriage is, a business relationship? It sounds like he totally loves you and I don't buy this fall out of love bull. You sacrificed your marriage and family for your own ambitions and he is still needing you. He deserves better than you and if you can't think of him in a loving giving sense then do not take him back. You have done enough damage already.
2006-11-11 02:39:56 · answer #9 · answered by Chuck C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're not in love with your husband and don't have anything in common to talk with him about, why would you want to go back? Besides he just up and left you and the kids without a word, if you got back with him, I'm sure there would be some ugly trust issues. Go for the guy with the great potential.
2006-11-11 02:33:30 · answer #10 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋