I divorced my ex-husband about 3 yrs ago. We divorced thinking that we would get back together. Since then, we have remained in contact. He lives 3000 miles away. He has custody of my 14 yr old daughter.
My daughter came to visit me this summer and I promised her I would come back. My ex needs help with her on a daily basis. I did not go back as planned, but am not able to focus on my life here.
I feel depressed because I let my ex and daughter down. I did not go back because I saw his controlling and abusive behavior continuing. He is also very money-minded and I thought that this would continue also.
Now, I am constantly in two minds what to do. I have thought of going and living separately in the same state that they live, but he will not let me do that also. He will say you are wasting money, come stay with me, etc.
Now, based on reading my past e-mails, he says that I am selfish and its all about me and me and me.
2006-11-11 02:04:47 · 36 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And it should very well be about you. Other than your daughter you owe him nothing. You both have seperate lives now and for whatever reason he let you go the first time without trying harder. Now figure in 4 yrs your daughter can leave her dad and go wherever she pleases, which if he is as abusive as you say, then it may be better to stay put and wait for those 4 yrs than go back with him for longer and shell still leave anyway at 18. It doesnt sound like hes changed his ways so why go back to something that may never change and go thru all the abuse again. Besides if you did go back your daughter is becoming of that age when with friends she wont hang around you guys too much anyhow and youll end up seeing more of him than her. Good luck
2006-11-11 02:23:10 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to go back because of your daughter then by all means go back. You are not selfish though for moving on with your life after the divorce, my question is why it was that you didn't fight for custody and take your daughter with you? I'm asking this because you wrote something about his controlling and abusive behavior. You need to be careful with that, if he has put his hands on you before then he'll do it again and I'm 100% sure about that. I'm a survivor of domestic violence and it doesn't matter if you're with them or not, they'll still want to control you, possess you, and beat on you. I don't think that you should give him the control in having you live with them. Go back to their state but have YOUR OWN personal space away from him and also a place where your daughter can go and be away from him also.
If he's abusive with your daughter, get her out of there a.s.a.p and never absolutely NEVER let that man put his hands on you again! If he does you take whatever is near you and protect yourself then call the police. Good luck!
2006-11-11 02:12:58 · answer #2 · answered by acehernandez2006 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You say he is abusive. How could you let your daughter live with an abusive parent? If he was that way with you chances are he will do it to her too. Teenagers can be a handful. You don't have to go back to him (should'n't) but, if I were you, I'd at least live in the same town so you can keep an eye on her.
Sounds like you could use some counseling (that's a good thing) to figure out what you really want.
2006-11-11 02:10:31 · answer #3 · answered by Smurfetta 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you need to just find a job in the city where your daughter lives. Forget the ex and focus on making money to take care of yourself and keep in contact with your daughter.
The ex should be the last thing you think of at this point. You left him for a reason...it didn't work before why would things change now. Move forward and take care of you then you can be a better mother to your daughter. She needs you most during her teen years.
2006-11-11 02:11:13 · answer #4 · answered by wisehahn 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If there is a divorce decree, if the judge said, "husband gets to claim" or something similar, you need to follow that decree, and give your ex a Form 8332. If there wasn't a divorce decree, since you are the custodial parent, you get priority in claiming. For your ex to claim your daughter, he would need to get a signed Form 8332 from you. With that permission only, he could claim her. Even at that, he could only get the exemption and child tax credit. It is possible, depending on your income, support, and residency, that your dad might be able to claim you and your daughter. If you had no earned income, it might work out better that way.
2016-05-22 05:03:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats. You've come up with a new reason to divorce. Divorce to get back together. Seems an odd idea. Rather like breaking your leg, so it can heal, or cutting yourself so the wound can heal. You left your spouse AND your daughter, three years ago. Then, you promised her you'd go back, but didn't. I'm sure that she must appreciate that. Now, your ex has the nerve to suggest that you are selfish. How could he ever get that idea? After all, it isn't like you abandoned him and your child, moved 3,000 miles away; and lied to your daughter. All you actually did was get divorced, moved 3,000 miles away, and abandoned your daughter. Unless YOU change, don't bother going back
2006-11-11 03:14:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just know that he does not control you, you are your own person. I think you moving to the same state but not the same house is a fantastic idea!!! You will be 3000 miles closer to your daughter, and it sounds like she needs you alot, and you be around will help her out so much. Living separately also means you dint have to deal with him all the time, you don't need the abuse. So move back, be with your daughter, don't live with him, and you might be a lot happier!!! Good Luck!!!
2006-11-11 02:14:36 · answer #7 · answered by The Edge 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have some serious issues - you divorced thinking you would get back together? How stupid is that?!? Why not just separate and work on things?
If the reasons for the divorce have not been resolved then you are doomed to failure if you restart the relationship.
You promised your daughter to go back - you are breaking that promise and causing damage with every day you continue. Sure, move back but not to the same house. Tell your ex you are not being selfish but you are being careful. Ask him to go to counseling with you - and your daughter should probably go as well.
It is clear you have no ability to resolve these issues on your own.
2006-11-11 02:10:39 · answer #8 · answered by wifey42 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well first of all, it is YOUR life, so it does partly have to be about what makes YOU happy..so he needs to stop calling you selfish. If you were planning on getting back together, what was the point of the divorce? If you do not want to be with his controlling ways, then you need to do whatever is best for YOU. Don't say he won't let you move into the same state, because he has no control over you. If you want to be around your daughter, then you move to their state but you do not have to live with him. It's your daughter holding you together. If he really loves you and wants to be with you, he has to fix the problems that broke you up in the first place before he expects you to go running back.
2006-11-11 02:10:28 · answer #9 · answered by Kell Bell 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I can see where being with your daughter would make you happy. BUT if being with him WON'T make you happy then it's not worth it. A child shouldn't be in a situation where parents are constantly arguing. It's not good for the kid. I would suggest looking at his state's website on child custody and visitation. He can't NOT let you see her. There should be some sort of shared visitation. Don't do something for someone if it won't make you happy. A deal is a deal when all parties are happy!GOOD LUCK!
2006-11-11 02:11:22 · answer #10 · answered by demonica66667 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋