what should i do??????

Question

Here's the thing I'm 26 years old as is my husband. I have been at my new job for about 4 months now. I'm a security dispatcher for a big company 80% of the people i work with are men. I love my job it's fairly easy excellent benifits and good pay. Here lately i've had a secret admirer who leaves me notes and flowers i have know idea who it is but i'm very faithful to my husband i've been cheated on and i know how that feels, i love my husband very much and we've been together for 5 years,ok the thing is he wants me to quit my job. I told him no that it wasn't my fault that the things at work were happening i have a child from previous relationship he is 7 and i have to support him to. He's a good husband and step-father don't get me wrong but he is really pissed about this and i'm afraid of what will be next. Do you think i was in the wrong????Thanks

i have reported this to the supervisor they are investigating the issue. There is about 1500 people that work in this building and half of the hands on people i work with i know them very well and there wives and i know it's not them. I do throw the things away and make my comments that it is not appreciated and they will get caught. I understand his concern but at this point there's nothing that can be done....I have always believed and been brought up this way that you don't relay on a man to pay your bills you pay your own...I told my husband that i know it bothers him but i make good money and i need the benifits for my son he says it's my fault this is happening because i go out of my way to talk to people. Yes i do talk to people but that is my job...So i'm standing my ground and not quitting my job...you think i made the right choice....

note to reply from arthur. I have full custody of my son his "real" father hasn't seen him in 4 years. My husband works out of town 5 days a week so i guess i just feel my son is my responsibilty and nobody else's. thank you all for the advice....

Answer 1

Let your husband know how much you love him and that nothing could make you interested in another man. He is feeling jealous, insecure, and angry that another man is interested in you.

Focus on things at home, and boost your husband's security that he is the only one for you.

As for the job, you've done the right things. This could really happen at any job, so quitting is not the answer. It's like running away, and nothing should make you leave your job unless you want to--for a better job. Harassment is wrong, and leaving isn't going to solve it. You are standing up for your rights as a female and you should stay where you are. You can tell your husband this, too.

Best of luck with both problems, and be strong.

Answer 2

your not wrong, but there are some things you should have done from the start of these advances by Mr. secret admirer.

1. take the note/flowers and make a visable show of throwing it/them away, after that,

2. pick it/them back up and say in a carrying voice, "The boss has got to see this!" (remember to laugh at how pathetic the note/gift is) and make a bee line for the supervisor's office/desk.

And

3.let it float around the office that some lame jerk is trying to wreak your marrage, and how you think they are a "pathetic joke", because you would never leave or cheat on your husband. It should stop very quickly.

and don't go through the motions, really do show the boss and file harrasment charges

Answer 3

Don't quit, you have to work. If you can find another job then move.
You seem to be comfortable with the surroundings. Just make it clear to everyone at work that you are unavailable. If you find a note, flower or whatever demonstrate with a witness that it goes in the trash.
Perhaps a discussion with a supervisor is in order. The one that says the secret admirer is flattering but unwanted. Explain that the situation is causing issues with your husband which might require you to quit. Ask the boss to post a fraternization memo regarding employees. The admirer should get the hint.
The workplace is NOT the place for romance. A good employer will not tolerate that behavior. It is counterproductive to the companies mission and causes more trouble that it cures.

Answer 4

Notify your boss about this especially since you are not interested but want to keep your job. This should cover you and he should know how to handle this and then let your husband know what youve done and hopefully that should calm him down. Just out of curiosity only, since you have a stable job and family,why dont you petition the courts for a remodification of child custody hearing to regain custody of your son which would take a huge burden off of you. I know the courts would have given you custody over the father, because they prefer maternal custody unless there were extenuating circumstances which I know the reasons for but not in your case. Just an idea. Good luck

Answer 5

Reason with your husband, On a financial level can you afford to quit?
You are an adult you need to make your own decision about that job. Is it that great a job? Have you been there a long time?
I had a husband that did not want me to work at all but, I make my own decisions and I kept working. (that is not why he is my ex)
Report to your superiors at work that you have a stalker (they call themselves secret admirers) let them help you contain this situation.

Answer 6

Maybe you need to talk to a supervior to get the sexual harrassment stopped. Quiting the job isn't an option unless he's willing to take on the burden of taking care of both you and your child. Set him down and tell him that your appreciate his concern but your taking steps with a supervisor to control the situation. Then do it. If you don't want your marriage then by all means let the person continue to lavish you with gifts. But be aware that person isn't concerend about your husband only using you in the end.

Answer 7

Well for one, that behavior is not appropriate for the workplace. Should bring that to your supervisior and have them deal with it, I'm sure they can find out who it is. Once that is taken care of, your husband should be able to chill out.

Answer 8

let your employer know whats going on, and that as a result your husband your husband is putting pressure on u to guit. they will take the steps needed to have it stopped

Answer 9

No you are not wrong , just don't go out with any of them enjoy the flowers thought :)