thats right, u heard me right. the sad thing is, noone else will ever believe it is possible for these 2 so-called "up-standing" individuals to be doing this. to top it off, sister's husband is a preacher!! im so numb, but deep down i always knew it, just didnt wanna believe it was possible. where to go from here?
2006-11-11 01:28:57 · 27 answers · asked by lanna 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This may not be popular point of view. Most people like quick answers.
I guess the real question is whether you love your husband and sister and what relationships you believe are worth saving.
The issue at hand is not that he was "screwing ur sister," or your sister was screwing him. It goes both ways. It is the lies and deceptions that your sister and your husband participated in. That is core to your relationship with each of them. It's in the news every day, preachers are human too and they are no better than anyone else. No matter what they say.
The only way to get through this is to break the pattern of deceit and to bring everything out in the open and deal with it. Even though that may mean divorce or forgiveness or a change in the relationship you have with husband and sister. Because, no matter what happens after this your relationships with these people have forever changed. Maybe for the better, maybe not.
There are many ways this can go, but until you bring everything out in the open, things will only get worse not better.
From my own personal experience, there is even a possibility that things will get better than they ever were. It happened to me.
2006-11-11 02:46:33 · answer #1 · answered by jryanwinterhaven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, remember that you did not have any control in this situation and the two people that did was your pastor and husband and your sister. In the secular world they have no respect for themselves or you and only are thinking of what they want and it is a secret affair, something to get away with like a little kid. Which to them I would say: "Grow up.", "Be an adult.", " Think before you act on how this will affect not just them but other people and all persons." However, your husband is not just a man but is suppose to ( and I say this loosly) be a leader, a guide for people and persuing in his life and for his congregation giving guidance of the will of God. Obiously he did not study his Bible. I did and the first thing is to bring this out into the open by having him approached by two elders of the church, should he decide not to repent and correct this sin that he has committed against God, his wife, and his family, then first he should be released from the church. This sin is one that God advises should not be left in a position of leadership, so he should step down on his own or the church should release him. As for you, pray for him to truely repent of this sin because the result is that when he dies he will go to hell. We like to feel all warm and fuzzy about God and the redemption of sin, but the truth is once you know the TRUTH then you have the responsibility to live the truth. Adultry is wrong, there is no good that comes from it and the Bible states that all adulters will be damn for all eternity, unless they ask forgiveness and mend their broken way. This is reality according to the Bible. In a situation where there was adultry, according to the Bible the spouse that is a lone should remain alone if possible. It is not as clear if it is okay to move on to another marriage. But it does say that if possible to reconcile and go back to your marriage. The vows are clear on marriage, they are for life and if you married in the site of God it is not to be broken. We humans want things our way, it is our nature, but reality is that if you accept Christ as your personal Savior, then you put down your sinful nature and follow God's will and adultry is not God's will for any persons life.
Love is not conditional and the Bible is very open about what love is and is not. Love does not end. If you truely love it is always. Jesus was our teacher on love.
This just a glimpse of what I have learned in the almost 5 years of my separation/divorce. I understand very well what you are going through, and there is no quick fix. If your marriage dies then it is a death and it takes time to deal with. You will have a scare, but you will be okay and able to move on and be happy, live and love.
Take care.
2006-11-11 03:11:55 · answer #2 · answered by PinkLady57 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all i would gather all the information and prove you get, then i would go to your brother in law the preacher with the proof, that way you will have support for what ever you decide to do. secondly i would file for divorce and name your sister as the adultery she is, you may not go through with it but you want to hit well the fire is hot. By drawing it all out and making it public you are letting everyone you know you do not find their conduct acceptable. have your husband served well he is at work, and change the locks on the doors to the house well he is at work, when he comes home have his clothes packed and on the front steps. he has to realize just how much he has hurt you and your family before he will seriously consider what he's done. Right now he does not see anything wrong with his conduct
2006-11-11 01:43:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are lots of places to go and many directions. Before you start a move. Take some time for yourself and think this out before you act. Try real hard not to re-act! to it, meaning letting your anger direct you. Yes! you have every right to be ANGRY! BUT BE SMART!
You can tell everyone, family, friends, church. and yes they will feel sorry and bad and all will be on your side. and it will be poor you.
or
You can be the strong up standing women and walk away from this marriage with respect and dignity that you deserved. No one to know any better.
or
you can continue not to know it or believe it as you have been, just keep on living your life
2006-11-11 01:57:03 · answer #4 · answered by livelovelaugh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You knew it the whole time during this long marriage - and never confronted him, never asked him about it, never said "stop screwing my sister it makes me sick that we share your d*ck", never went to her and demanded she stop screwing your husband, never went to her husband and said tell your wife to stop effing my husband - and NOW suddenly you are ticked off? How did you let every second of every day pass for years and years -- even 9 years is 283,824,000 seconds -- and not say anything? You had over 283 MILLION chances!!!
Cheating men pray for spineless chicks like you. Honey if you are no offense dense enough to have known for years and done nothing for years, then you deserve whatever happens in this hillbilly backwoods incest clusterf*ck relationship.
2006-11-11 04:53:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would divorce him and take the kids and everthing else that I could get off of him. No it wouldn't make things better as far as feelings but u can get almoney and child support if any children and the money will come in handy.
2006-11-11 01:36:43 · answer #6 · answered by crystal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Freewell said what i wanted to say. If the women found that after marriage then she is so late, Being a momma's boy is too obvious and u can discover it easily so why late?
2016-03-19 06:25:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the Way I see it you have two choices
1) Get a marriage counselor
2) Get a good lawyer and take everything
2006-11-11 01:34:53 · answer #8 · answered by bob j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your brother in law in private. Make sure you bring irrefutable proof with you.
Save the sinner. Have your sibbling rival sister and your husband confess publicly to the congregation.
Leave revenge to the man upstairs.
2006-11-11 01:50:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him and never look back! He doesn´t deserve a second chance and as for your sister, I would say just stay out of touch!
2006-11-11 01:52:03 · answer #10 · answered by Eileen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋