Is He Obsessed with my freinds wife?

Question

Here is the thing A friend of mine has came to me and talked about something that he feels is a problem or an issue with him and his wife. A year ago him and his wife were having problems he had hurt his back and couldn’t work his wife with stuck with all the bills and so on and he became depressed pushing everyone away his wife became lost and confused she would always look as though she had been crying. Then things got worse they had to move because the owners of the house they lived in demanded that they leave in two weeks due to falling behind on rent a month. So just like that they moved in with some other friends of theirs and a few days before X-mas my friend found a letter in his wife’s coat pocket while looking for his car keys. Because the righting on it wasn’t his he read it and it was then that his wife had kind of been seeing someone else. He tells me that she swears on their kids life that it wasn’t sexual and he trust that he then gave her a choice and she told him that she wanted things to work so she told this other guy/ which also is a co-worker that she made a mistake and in leading him on and that at the time she needed someone to lean on and being he was a friend and willing to listen and amidst the confusion and problems in her marriage she confused her caring for him as a friend for something she felt for her husband.

Now a lot of time had passed and there had been little things my friend said that has been going on that he fears is an obsession that this other guy has for his wife. He explained things to me in this fashion him and his wife on apart a web site as is this other guy and my friend has noticed things like Pictures of animals that his wife loves music videos of artist that she loves and the songs that are her favorite and they are love songs that He said he knows she has always loved listening to and then recently his wife went to a show with her mother and her boss told her that shortly after she had got the tickets this other guy went out and bought tickets. My friend has also said that other people have told him things about stuff that this guy had said back before my friend even found out that this other guy was talking about buying an engagement ring and all sorts other stuff and that this guy use to stand outside the door of the place that they had been staying and listening in on

. Because of little things he has noticed in lets just say the reading between the lines.


My friend and his wife had been thinking about having another child but because his wife’s tubes are tied they aren’t 100 percent certain if they will be able to. His wife hadn’t said anything to anyone nor had my friend until just recently and this other guy had told people when asked that he didn’t want kids and then like the day after my friend and his wife had talked about it this other has changed his mind about wanting kids. This was discovered by way of a mutual friend just talking when they thought it was odd that this other guy know just out of the clear blue wants kids to some degree.

. Which brings my friend to feel that being that the mention of possibly trying to have another child was never mentioned outside or their house to any third party until now. That this other guy may have been standing outside my friends house at the time of this conversation. He strongly feels that this other guy is obsessed with his wife and his wife said that other co-workers have told her that they have noticed some odd things but never really specified.

So my question is, is this other guy obsessed with my friends wife or is my friend paranoid. I have seen certain little things that I have could indicate an obsession such as the love songs posting pictures of the animals that she has had a deep passion for. And if this other guy is obsessed what should my friend do or what can he do. To protect his wife, because he says he gets this bad feeling that something bad is going to happen. I tried to tell him that he shouldn’t think about things like that and he tells me he can’t

can’t help it because he truly loves his wife and after all they have worked through the roughest time of their lives and have been completely happy together since, he doesn’t want to look at this as just coincidence or irony with this other and then something bad happens.

His wife is going to confront the guy but should something else be done?

Thanks to all of you for your answers, I spoke with them both and told them both that they are my freinds and that i am here for them both. they told me that they confronted the guy as well as talking to my freinds wifes boss about the whole thing since the other guy is a co-worker. the belief is that this other guy was doing stuff intentionally and trying cause problems there is more to the story that I was filled in on that would take up to much time here. but to sum it all up this other guy isn't right in the head and is in need of help.

Answer 1

sure the story is quite complicated...
the assumption here is that the woman is being honest...really honest...
given this assumption, i would suggest a direct approach;
it would be important for your friend to know from his wife...abt her perception of this other guy...both during the relationship and his reaction to its abrupt end...
now that he is involved its important to know him and his feelings...and if possible to allow for your wife and him to talk through the issue...to come to a better understanding about the situation.
a lot depends on the level and nature of their interaction and if the guy is reasonable he should be able to see what had happened and why...and that there is no more to it...

Answer 2

Sounds like you are in the middle of something you don't really want to be in !!... trust me.

Here are some issues:
#1. She swore on her kids life. A mother never swears on anything that involves their kid's life even if what they are saying is true due to the safety factor.... so , personally I think she is lieing.

#2. The guy is wanting to get engaged.... either this guy is a psyco path or they have had sex. I, from what I am reading, believe the latter.

#3. Her husband didn't go to the party where tickets were bought... I know some engagements within a company are employee only.. but most anymore allow for the husband or wife to be present anymore just because of this nature.

#4. Children do not remedy marital problems.... they only become footballs when the relationship fails.

#5. Gut feeling.

I am not encouraged at all for the husband in this question. It sounds like she has moved on and it will only be a matter of time she will move out. I personally would not do much here other than be supportive and let nature run it's course. Tell him to be faithfull with her until he knows for sure. If they ask for help, make minimal advice and tell them they have to make their own decisions. This way he can wash his hands clean of the relationship (and you are out of it) in case it fails and prove his worthyness of another relationship. If she is cheating, my belief is..... once a cheat always a cheat.

Answer 3

DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA ....... The husband needs to hire a private investigator without telling his wife because I believe there is the possibility that his wife has continued the relationship. It should only take a day or two and any good investigator can tell him if the other man is the problem or if it's his wife. If it's this other man then the investigator can provide proof that can be taken to the police. If it's the wife then it's time to at the least separate because there is no trust or respect left in that marriage. Your friend should keep in mind that he is as much responsible for this situation as his wife ... when two people are working together things like this do not happen.

Answer 4

Feel higher? I consider you're proper for essentially the most aspect. It is feasible for humans to be peers (and not anything extra) within the quandary you describe. Happens at all times. It additionally occurs that humans allow matters increase in the way in which you worry it might or did, so it is not regularly performed in innocence, in any respect. Now what is precisely occurring isn't recognized to you. you're getting matters again via a filter out, and that filter out is your spouse, who undoubtedly has her possess schedule, and her possess pursuits to guard. Although it does occur, almost always whilst a friendship is going too a long way, it is not simply the fellow who's at fault. Sometimes it's that the girl has been over-encouraging due to the fact it makes her think well to be the item of concentration of any individual except the husband. might be she did not wish matters to head down the street they did, or might be she did. I doubt you are going to ever particularly recognize. Now you're getting the tale from wifey approximately how unfair your (it seems that justifiable) jealousy is. I am no longer definite that's a well signal. Probably (it seems that) he (the opposite man) is having drawback with the truth that he allow his enchantment pass to a long way and now he cannot look to uncover the way in which again out. Starting to be obsessive approximately all of it, which is not well both. Not transparent that he particularly IS blaming you for the whole lot, that's jsut what you're listening to. You nearly ought to persist with your factor that the connection among your spouse and this different man isn't healthful in your mutual courting, in your marriage. it will look unfair to at least one or each or both of the spouse/different man, however it sort of feels transparent that the connection has left the zone of defense on your marriage and therefore is now a danger to the wedding. If the predicament is not constant, the wedding would possibly not final..

Answer 5

I didn't read this whole thing, it's way to long and detailed, you shouldn't do this here.

Anyway, this is your friend not you, have him or her write. I would tell her to find another job, right now and, don't tell me she needs her job, what's more important?
Then if she won't I think I'd give her an choice.It's always the same "Oh! we didn't have sex" or "we only did it once" this kind of thing.

There seems to be a problem with this marriage, I'd say a marriage consular is in tune here or it's going to be splitsville down the line.

Answer 6

#1:If she didn't sleep with him then why is he so obssesed with her. Not saying that she did but why is this other guy like that? #2:If they worked it out then she should quit her job or have him fired for harrassment so there fore that leads me to believe that she wants her cake and pie to. #3:I would stay out of it as much as I could cause u don't want to give out the wrong advise and be blamed for a breakup. #4: If they still want to be together and work this out then she does not need to comfort him herself they both need to and tell him that they are happy the way that they are and he needs to but out. #5: Is she sure that she isn't seeing him anymore cause its awful strange that noone knows about the baby and now he wants to have one. Now come on how is this possible that he knows about this if they haven't told anyone. #6: About the tickets I really don't know what to say about all that. And my last and final point is yes u need to be there and support their decison on whatever they decide to do but don't put to much into it. Like I stated up above u don't want to be blamed for a break up.

Answer 7

The only thing you can do is tell your friend to be a good husband to his wife and to stop pushing her away when she needs him. Then do your best to stay out of it because this issue is really none of your business.

Answer 8

A very lone story. However, yes it seems that your friend's wife is the one encouraging it. She wants the best of the two worlds, which is not possible. Ask your friend to wise up and show her that he is a man and won't tolerate this kind of disrespect and infidelity "don't care what she says". Otherwise, he better get a divorce and get someone who can appreciate him better.

Answer 9

WOW, what a mess.
She has to be the one to end all of this, she needs to let the other guy that she only wants to be with her husband and the other guy needs to bugger off.
Hope this helps.

Answer 10

Yes.