i need advice?

Question

my fiancee yelled at my son over something so stupid, it made my son cry, it hurt him as well as me, and i told him to go apolagize to my son and he never did, any advice on that

why he yelled, fiancee had bought a lighter for me and i asked him how much did you spend on it and my son said 8 dollars, and fiancee said was to go to my son and said if i wanted her to know i would have told her

Answer 1

Your Fiancee should have apoligized! If he doesnt you ought to think twice about this guy! It sounds as if he might not be mature enough to have a relationship with a women and a child!

Answer 2

And this is the hard part of bringing another person into your life while you have children. I know I have done things with my loves daughter that she didn't agree with and, vice-versa,her with my kids. The only thing we have found to work is that we set boundary's. Unfortunately boundary's get crossed sometimes depending on the situation. And you have to work with that. When those boundarys gets crossed here we call the FAMILY MEETING ( our kids are 18, 14, and 11 now).. this has helped alot !! But sometimes we lash out because within those boundary's children pick up on those and try to see just how far they can go within those boundary's and it becomes quite frustrating. And, by the sounds of this, your son knows the boundary's and knows mommy will yell. So be supportive of your partner and your child, let both of them know that you want a better level of comfort so that everyone gets along harmoniously.

Answer 3

Well, come on. Granted he shouldn't have yelled. Hopefully everyone learned something. And you being the mom, should have apologize for your fiancee privately and explained why he raised his voice. Then later on, talk to your fiancee and remind him he is just a child, and try to explain things before hand, because most likely he wont know, You both need to see that your son life is changing and he may not know his place in all of this. he just finding his place and to be noticed. your fiancee needs to show him the way, teach him, built his trust and yes, I agree he should say he is sorry, but when it is just them.
Don't push it, say your peace, don't be overly protective and allow them to bond on their own

Answer 4

If your fianacee is going to be part of your family then he has a right to discipline your son because he will be his step-son but he doesn't have a right to hurt your kids feelings either.
If your son did something wrong then he should have said something but over something silly, I have a problem with that.
He is the adult and he needs to act like one. Your fiancee was acting like a little kid.

Answer 5

you need to talk to your fiancee and tell him that was wrong
and that it really upset you and your son and the most he could have done is gave your son a hug and said im sorry .......
and if he cant do that then i guess you are going to have some big problems cause kids come first and if he has a problem with your son then i guess you need to work on that before you get married

Answer 6

this is your child and i assume you have a way you want to parent your child so,,,make it clear to your fiance that this isnt something you want happening,,there are other ways to dicapline children and shouting often does have its place but if this wasnt one of those times it has to be said. does your fiance have any experience with children? someone who knows little about them often resorts to shouting as they have no alterantive,,this doesnt necessarliy mean he cant be taught,,making him apologize to your son was something that should have been simple but in his eyes you were prepared to make a show of him to your son,you know this isnt the case and he needs to realize the child will show more respect for someone who admits they are capable of being wrong and apologizing it when they are,it will allow the child to recognize this is what should happen if mistakes are made,from him,you and your fiance.try to make your family work as a team,ask each others opinion,include everyone and encourage your fiance that it is easier to listen and then make judgement on what punishment should be applied,,try to get him to see that when he gets upset,angry,,,shouting will only raise his agitation levels more,,you dont need to shout to be heard and children do know when they have crossed the line. at the end of the day you are trying to make a family that includes a father but it is also down to you to choose carefully,not every man can do the job,not every man wants to do it even if the fiancee has a child,it happens. if you can show how other methods work for you successfully when chastising your child he either follows suit because it makes for a happy home or he cant be bothered trying and carries on with this line of discapline,,,its an awful situation to be in having to choose between someone you love and your child but we all know that when push comes to shove ,the only person that child has to rely on for a happy homelife is you!

Answer 7

I see where you're coming from. Your fiance's approach isn't too good. He can state his point to your son without having to yell at him. And as a mother I would be upset if someone yelled at my young daughter too.

If this is a one time thing then I'd probably let it go but there will never be a next time.

Answer 8

Did your son have it coming? and, who's running the show there? who is the father figure or are you running both ends? is he just a visitor and it's your house? why did you show him up? I guess I could go on and on.

I would tell you what to do with this relationship, someone has to run the show. It doesn't work when you contradict him, does it.
If he's running the show, then you owe him an apology. Your son is your son but,? who's house is it?

Answer 9

Pure and simple, lose him as soon as possible. He will destroy you and this poor child.

He is a rageaholic, an abusive person who needs a TON opf psych help. YOu MUST protect that child, end of the discossuion,. If this destroys you, remember, you will also be treated like ****.

It is classic, and do not make that mistake.

Answer 10

what seems stupid to you and your son, may not seem so stupid to him. Have you talked to him about it or did you just give orders??