i am in a difficult and unpleasant family situation. when i have a disagreement with boyfriend, he will say, for example, "well, you're the one from the funny family", or, "what will you do without me, your family don't give a damn", things like that. but he normally acts helpful + supportive, it's when things aren't going well between us he goes nasty like that. does he realise this is hurtful? it makes me wish i had never confided in him about the situation
2006-11-10 23:48:17 · 25 answers · asked by staffbull 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Explain to him that his remarks hurt you and you would prefer it if he didn't bring your family into any conversation you have together. If he carries on doing it he always will so you have to choose wether you can put up with it or not.
2006-11-10 23:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by Jo 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being helpful and supportive means your boyfriend should be like this all the time, not just when he feels like it, and he shouldn't be using your family situation to try and make you feel small in a argument. I'm sure he realises what he is doing, he just finds it an easy issue to grab hold of when things aren't going his way, which is pretty immature.Give him an ultimatum, tell him to only mention the situation with your family when you feel the need to confide in him, not when he wants to use it against you.If he cant do this then tell him it over and move on.
2006-11-11 07:59:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am looking into your future and seeing another addition to the "Abused Women" statistics. Tell tale sign that he is already denigrating your family difficulties - and a BIG signal, beginning to imply that if he were not there you'd never make it.
If you were planning to take this relationship to the next level, you certainly were right to tell him about these problems in the family. But hear me now, believe me later, if you marry this guy what I have predicted will come true - and I'm no psychic, and I don't need any crystal ball. Usually it's the abuser (and this IS abuse) who's the one with the real problem.... such low self esteem that the only way the guy can bolster it up is by latching on to a woman whom he feels he can "dominate". Makes him feel like somebody that he can put you down and you are too meek to tell him to get the heck outta Dodge and on down the road.
2006-11-11 09:06:23 · answer #3 · answered by sharmel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahh yes....the funny family! Aren't they all a little odd!
Well, first thing I'd be telling him is how you feel about what he says. And second, I'd be pointing out that you had no choice about who gave birth to you so why do they come into the situation??
Your family might have raised you but you are your own person. Tell him that they have nothing to do with what is going on between the two of you. You have chosen each other and that relationship is what you should be working on. Not the past or who gave birth to you!
2006-11-11 07:59:29 · answer #4 · answered by red260z 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He should be more supportive of you especially if your family situation is bad. It's when the chips are down that he's got to be the good guy. Not when it's a sunny day and there isn't a care in the world. It's easy for everyone then. Talk to him about this and if he doesn't see the error in his ways DX the zero and get you a hero.
2006-11-11 07:56:38 · answer #5 · answered by Hendo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi.
I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend is not always supportive to you.Your boyfriend knows that if he attacks you about your family, he has 1 up on you basically, and i think that is very wrong of him.
You have confided in him now, and their is not a lot you can do I'm afraid, the next time he mentions it, just tell him you find it hurtful, and would he mind not mentioning your family situation, as you thought you could trust him.
If he has nothing sensible to say to you, then he must keep his mouth shut.
2006-11-11 08:04:39 · answer #6 · answered by classychick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly,how can someone be "supportive" of a situation,then turn around and throw it in your face? And you said a key phrase,"he normally ACTS helpful". You need to tell him straight up how this is making you feel,otherwise he will continue to bring it up and you don't deserve that. He also needs to not take cheap shots at you. That is the lowest point,and shows he has no ground in your arguements. I am sorry he does this to you,I wish you the best.
2006-11-11 08:01:32 · answer #7 · answered by protestxthexhero 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People do that to each other all of the time.
You have to set down the rules and let him know that him using your family problems against you is unacceptable and you will no longer tolerate it. Tell him if he does it again, the relationship is over, that he can go find someone else to abuse.
Best of luck to you.
2006-11-11 08:09:04 · answer #8 · answered by eyes_of_iceblue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your partner should never make you feel bad about your family. You need to seriously consider whether you are getting the support you deserve from this guy.
2006-11-11 08:06:26 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. Strain 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DUMP HIM! he will never change. you should always be able to confide in a partner without feeling like that. if you cant hes not worth it. next it will be your friends that arnt good enough for you and he wont want you to go anywhere or do anything without him. your family will (however funny they are) be there for you.
2006-11-11 09:26:09 · answer #10 · answered by *♥* donna *♥* 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋